to think this is unacceptable behaviour from a father and married man?

[Abitpissedoffactually]

So H went out to see a friend last night at around 17.00 pm. Got a phone call around 19.30 saying he was going to see another mate.

He is still not back. Phone is switched off and have heard nothing. DC both have stomach bug and did last night when he went out so he knew they were ill when he went out. Ds keeps asking for him. Is not the first time he has done this, though the last time was quite a while ago.

I am not even that angry about it, just resigned, which I suppose is a bit worrying. I said I was surprised he was going out just before he went as ds was ill and wanting him, he said "well you went out earlier on and you didn't mind leaving him then" - I took dd to the park as she had not been out all day because her brother was ill. I was gone for one hour. He always says things like that if I ever call him on his over active social life. I occasionally go to the cinema and he will always bring it up as me "being out all the time", if I ever comment on his late nights.

Feeling really fed up and sad that this is my life really.

Have name changed.

Just read through this thread and I am so angry on the OP's behalf. I am with Dittany and AnyFucker on the cast iron frying pan.

Poor OP - you sound so down. And expecthim to be shagging around. That is so, so sad.

I wasted 7 years of my life with my XP - he did whatever the hell he liked, whenever he wanted. Went out every Thursday, Friday and saturday night. Weekends with the boys to Amsterdam. And I just thought, sat at home with DD crying, well, what more do I want, I have a nice house, job, lovely dd, it doesn't matter that he is selfish. Such low self esteem to put up with it. I since found out he was shagging everyone in town, including my cousin, and was a prolific user of prostitutes. Nice.

Your DP will NEVER change. Thsi will ALWAYS be the situation, whether he changes his tune and behaves for a few months after you give him an ultimatum will make no difference. PLEASE do nto waste years of your precious youth (and your baby's childhood) putting up with a awful relationship and thinking that is the best you deserve.

I left him eventually (left penniless) and was single for a good while - unbelievable happy. It was like I entered a life of colour after living in black and white. I am now in a relationship with a NORMAL HUMAN BEING, whol whilst not perfect, would never consider doing even a 10th of what xp did.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS.

ABitPissedOff,

Can I add my twopence worth? I think you're amazing, you sound like an amazing, loving person and a fab Mum. But I think you can't see the woods for the trees and this is his fault. Please take it from all of us that partners don't have to be this rubbish (our men aren't perfect but they'd never do what he has done). he is clever: he's made you think this is normal but it is not.

I KNOW that it must be hard to leave. Especially as they are his kids and you probably think you're being selfish (although you're not). You are going to need all the love and support you can get if you're going to have the strength to leave. So dig out a pen and make a list of everyone who can help in every way. Where do you live? If it's anywhere near me, I'll come and help. I'll help you with legal advice and accommodation advice or just make you a cup of tea. You can do it!!!

What a utter shit of a H. It's grim for you that you are going through this, but reading your posts, the resigned lack of emotion comes through.

I have just read the thread from the start, so excuse my disjointed thoughts:
Out of interest - is your H a police officer?

If you have a joint ac, I would be researching what liability there is if he clears the funds - same if you have joint credit cards. My Dad left when I was 11, aand not only emptied the joint ac, he also maxed it to the overdraft limit, leaving my Mum with no money & lots of debt.

I think you have handled the situation well, especially by telling him never to question your activities again. However, I would be wary of giving him a taste of his own medicine and being uncontactable, etc - tempting as it is. Maintain the moral high-ground and don't give H any further opportunity to justify his behaviour ('well you did it').

Finally, as punishment, make him do all the vomitty laundry.

Poor DS, hope he is better. Poor you - hope you get some resolution.

ABPOA you are doing brilliantly and you are doing the right thing by not being too hasty. It has taken a long time to get to this stage so it may take a little time to unpick the muddle in your head. Come on here, often. It is too difficult to do without support. take the support.

DELETE YOUR BROWSING HISTORY!!!