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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP phoned me at work to check if it was ok.....

194 replies

JackJacksmummy · 08/02/2009 21:15

to leave 9 year old DD at home whilst he popped to the in-laws to collect the car.

Obviously i said NO of course not and no car meant he couldn't go out that night so he got stroppy with me!!!!!!

The fact that he thought i would even consider saying yes and had to phone to check wound me up too.

OP posts:
QOD · 08/02/2009 21:15

no!!

PottyCock · 08/02/2009 21:16

what a dodo.

Original poster
JackJacksmummy · 08/02/2009 21:17

oh forgot to mention it was his 80 year old mother who suggested it in the first place!!

OP posts:
merryandmad · 08/02/2009 21:18

Could he not take her with him?

tiredsville · 08/02/2009 21:19

I would go berserk if DH even dared ask such a question!

Original poster
JackJacksmummy · 08/02/2009 21:22

his parents had come over in their little ford fiesta - so small - the original thing was my mum was going to be having DD for the weekend but she was ill so couldn't have her. DP was going to drive his parents home with our 2 boys and then bring the car back to ours.

Oh and i did go berserk and left work pretty sharpish afterwards!

OP posts:
eekamoose · 08/02/2009 21:24

How long would he have been out for?

I would, and have, left my 8 year old dd at home alone for 10 minutes.

Original poster
JackJacksmummy · 08/02/2009 21:27

probably about 20 mins mininum, 40 max

Thing is we have just started leaving her for 5 mins to pop to shop 4 doors along, literally in the last week, so now he must have thought it was reasonable to even consider it.

OP posts:
seeker · 08/02/2009 21:31

9 year old - 20 minutes? Don't see the problem myself. What's going to happen?

BitOfsexyFunbutnotupthebum · 08/02/2009 21:32

I would have been able to leave dd1 at that age if absolutely necessary. Aged nine, lots of children are "latchkey kids" etc, so I don't think it's wrong in principle, it just depends how confident you are that they can be sensible.

SweetAudrina · 08/02/2009 21:34

I have left my DS at home since he was 9. But he was a sensible kid and still is.

I can't see me leaving DS2 alone at home until he is at least 20 ... I dread to think what I'd come back to.

It depends on the maturity of the child IMO. I certainly wouldn't be shocked by him asking.

Original poster
JackJacksmummy · 08/02/2009 21:36

to be honest she is a pretty sensible girl, she wouldn't open the door or answer the phone but i was thinking what if there did happen to be a fire..she could have got out fine but what about the questions "where are your parents?"
I dont know how that would go down with Social services

OP posts:
christywhisty · 08/02/2009 21:36

20 minutes for a 9 year old is fine, depending on the 9 year old of course.

seeker · 08/02/2009 21:41

What if ther was a fire when you were there?

What if there was a fire when she is 20?

It's not going to happen. Really it's not!

SweetAudrina · 08/02/2009 21:49

I always told mine "don't try and cook anything, don't use ANYTHING in the kitchen until I get back, dont answer the phone or the door" and I'd tell him where the spare key was.

I really fail to see what could happen if they stick to all that. Fires don't just start up from nothing etc

FairLadyRandySlut · 08/02/2009 21:56

hmm....tbh, at that age and for that amount of time...I think you over-reacted, tbh....
she would have been fine...

also....would she be able to knock on a neighbours door if she had any problems?

techpep · 08/02/2009 22:01

I'm sooooo pleased this thread is on here, i left my 8 yr old dd alone for 10 minutes while i went to the shops and my entire family reacted with disgust - i have never been made to feel so guilty and irresponsible. So its lovely to see that other people think the same way as me

Poppycake · 08/02/2009 22:09

Obviously depends on the 9 year old, but I think that's getting nearer the age of being able to handle it for that amount of time. At the risk of getting a bit monty python, at that age I had my own door key and was letting myself in. Have you discussed what you think is reasonable (also as against how you were brought up yourselves?)?

Dropdeadfred · 08/02/2009 22:13

It never happens Seeker? unfortunately it could

fryalot · 08/02/2009 22:13

when my brother was 9, my mum left us alone in the house while she popped to the neighbour across the road.

She was gone five minutes.

When she let herself back in the front door she saw smoke and flames up the stairs so the fire brigade were called and we were rescued and everything was ok.

But what if she had been gone for 20 minutes?

It is hugely unlikely that this would happen, but it definitely CAN happen, I know that from personal experience.

Also, what if he had an accident in the car and was gone for hoooooours before anyone realised that there were children alone in the house.

Best not to.

Quattrocento · 08/02/2009 22:17

Gosh, I wouldn't worry about this at all. Anything up to half an hour in the daytime is fine IMO. My DCs are sensible, there are smoke alarms and exits aplenty - not that the house is likely spontaneously to combust. They know all the neighbours well - why ever not?

FairLadyRandySlut · 08/02/2009 22:18

drpdeadfred...that is very sad...but that was about a 5 year old being left alone....I would say that leaving a 5 year old alone is very different

squonk....what happened? How did the Fire start?

piscesmoon · 08/02/2009 22:26

I think it is fine for a short time in the day time, if they know you are going and how to contact you. I had rules that they didn't answer the door or the phone, unless it was me. It would depend on the DC, I could trust mine at that age. Why couldn't he take him with him?

Dropdeadfred · 08/02/2009 22:27

I know fairy, and it is different, but I meant that Seeker seemed to think it couldn't happen....even when the OP's dd was 20

herbietea · 08/02/2009 22:27

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