to tell ds to hit this little boy back??

[Nemoandthefishes]

little boy in ds class has been badly bullying one of ds friends for the last couple of months. However today he decided to punch ds in the stomach and then told him not to tell, so ds didnt until he punched him in the stomach again at which point he told the teacher whose answer was 'oh just ignore him'. So I have told ds if the little boy punches him again to hit him back usually I wouldnt have said this but ds has already been through a bullying incident since sept and only just got it sorted about 2 weeks ago.

Don't tell him to hit back. Go and see the teacher yourself. It needs to be sorted out properly, and telling your ds to behave equally badly won't do anything to make it better.

YANBU, obviously communicate with the school and let them know this boy is bulling children. But I have always told my DS, if anyone hits him, wack them back twice as hard.

Oooh, gut instinct is to tell him to hit back, but best bet is for you to go in and discuss the teachers attitude otherwise where will it end?

seeker I have not faith int he teacehr we spoke to them about the last lot of bullying and nothign was done it was only me approaching the other boys mother that we got the children to sort it out as his mother knew nothign of it despite teacher telling me they would speak to his parents.

I do so hate this attitude. What good can it possibly do?

I agree, go and see teacher and say you want to know exactly what measures the school are going to take to enure this does not happen again

The only thing with giving 'your permission' to hit back means your ds is cOnfused when another adult tells them it's wrong i.e teacher.
You need to speak with teacher about how it's going to be handled.

I agree completely with Seeker. All you,re teaching your son is that it's ok to hit, whilst at the same time, telling him it's not ok for others to hit. Go and see the teacher, and if you don't feel you've had a satisfactory response, go and see the Headteacher.

Sorry, but what an awful attitude tiredsville.

If no response, go to head x

yep yabu.you cant solve violence with violence.-it would make your ds as bad as the bully.id go to school.if teacher does nothing,take it higher and keep on until its sorted.my ds has problem with a bully-so many people have told him to hit back.im very proud when ds says no its wrong to hit!

Trouble is, if he hits back then he'll be given the same treatment as the bully - they'll both be punished the same.

I think seeing the teacher is the right advice, but don't necessarily disagree with you either. Its about doing what is right, not giving him some of his own medicene.

Someone was fighting with my DS2, I asked if he hit him back ready to give the 'tell the teacher, you are stooping to his level of bad behaviour yada yada". He said "I'm not just going to stand there, am I?" Fair point, well made for a 5 year old I thought.

head has already been involved by the other boys mother and her response was I dont believe a 4/5yr old is capable of being so malicious.
Anyone who knows me will tell you I dont usually condone this behaviour but I dont know what else to do. I am already looking at changing ds school[and have discussed that on here before] so do I just leave ds to now be bullied by someone else?

If the teacher is useless then see the Head.

I have no real problem with telling him to hit the bully back but

your DS may hate to hit
your DS may get the blame
most important - your DS will feel that the onus to sort this bullying out is on him.

I am assuming from your language that your DS is quite young: You're the one he turns to when he is upset. YOU need to get something done.

I please, I live in the real world. Schools do not always act on the complaint.

My Dc is quite a bit older than Op

It's still wrong tell your child to "wack them back twice as hard".

If headteachers don't act on complaints, then go to the Governors, then the LEA.

y a b totally reasonable

show him where to hit the child to really really hurt him

that should work well

It's very difficult isn't it, I have thought about this before when I see other children pushing or hitting DD in the playground, etc. She always just seems to accept it and ignores them. Whilst my head tells me that's the right thing to do, my heart wants to say 'oh, give them a good push back' .

The sensible thing would be to ask to speak to headteacher to discuss their approach to such bullying.

to be honest knowing DS he probably wont hit back he is a sensible lad but am fed up of him being pushed around and he is only 5. We have been down the route of tell the teacher when anything happens etc and even asking that teacher speaks to children together but it just doesnt happen.

I will always give consent for my child to defend himself. As I said OP YANBU.
I feel a lot of sanctimonious crap is going to be flying around this thread, so I'm out of here because it's nauseating for me to read.

same little boy also told DS he was goign to tell god to kill his sisters...nice!

I'm with you tiredsville. The only way to stop a bully is to stand up to them. He won't bother your son if he hits him back harder.

What soppy advice, to say do nothing!! Would the mums on here do nothing if they were hit by a bully. Of course not. Why should your kids get hurt then??

Children have to learn to stand on their own 2 feet, especially as in this case no grown ups are stepping in.