to tell ds to hit this little boy back??

[Nemoandthefishes]

little boy in ds class has been badly bullying one of ds friends for the last couple of months. However today he decided to punch ds in the stomach and then told him not to tell, so ds didnt until he punched him in the stomach again at which point he told the teacher whose answer was 'oh just ignore him'. So I have told ds if the little boy punches him again to hit him back usually I wouldnt have said this but ds has already been through a bullying incident since sept and only just got it sorted about 2 weeks ago.

ronaldinhio

what?

that 'll help him grow up sweet

So you advocate telling a 5 year old to whack them back twice as hard, or show them where to hit so that it really hurts?

Well, don't be surprised if he's still using his fists to solve problems when he's 18 - or 28.

Teacher, Head, Chair of Governors. Sit on the doorstep til it's properly sorted according to the school's anti bullying policy.

But DON'T make it a 5 year old'd responsibility to look after himself, and DON"T teach him that you solve problems with violence.

My ds had this for 3 years in primary. The bully was well known in his year for his behaviour, but although the school said they would deal with it they did very little. In the end I told my ds to hit him, hit him hard and hit him where nobody could see him doing it. It really didn't stop this other boys behaviour. He really couldn't care who did what to him, he is a truly nasty boy and continues to be so. The only thing that has stopped it is that they have gone on to secondary school and been put, on my insistence, in completely different classes. I had a teacher, a lovely woman, in my office today almost in tears because she was trying to deal with a student who is beyond help. A total cold fish. That unfortunately is the way some children are today.

Bullies need to be stood up to. Only way to let them know you won't stand for it. Sorry but to all of you who disagree, I think you need to be realistic. What works, dancing with the bully? When I was younger, I was very slight, petite with white blond hair, looked like I wouldn't say boo to a goose. I was picked on and it was only when I stood up for myself that it stopped. All the telling off by the teachers did fuck all to stop the people who bullied. I had to toughen up.

Ria

'grow up sweet', what fluffy bubble do you live in !!!!!

Having worked as a dinner lady, a stop gap whilst waiting for something else to come up, I became all too aware that some children communicate with their fists, no matter what. Kids need to have a couple of tactics up their sleeves, my ds was always told to be nice to his friends and was mortified when others were not nice to him. We had to change our strategy, now more often than not he 'tells' if having trouble, but he knows we will support him if he feels the need to hit back. The kids who only understand this, then go and look for someone else to bother, sad, but true.

mrs Freud

I dont advocate the use of violence that is not what I teach my children

Defending yourself is not the same as attaking/bullying someone. Children can understand the difference - you are not advocating violence for violence sake.

Note that the law allows for the difference and doesn't prosecute for self defence!

physical violence is physical violence

I would NEVER EVER tell a child of mine to hit back

sod the bloody law

yanbu
I wish ds could have done that

I have to agree with those saying stand up to the bullies. It's clear you've tried to involve the head and the teacher and they're shirking responsibility; you can't let him go on being bullied for the months it could take to go through governors/LEA etc. Just because you defend yourself against a bully doesn't mean you'll turn into an aggressive thug, as herbietea's example shows.
guitargirl what are you thinking of?? Why does your head say it's ok for your dd to be a victim of bullies? I really don't understand. You must be in denial, because she is being bullied and can't stand up for herself, and that's not a good pattern to get into - I speak from experience, having been through a lot of bullying myself and having been brainwashed thoroughly into thinking I just had to accept it. It made my life beyond miserable. FGS, give her the self confidence and self esteem she needs to not be a doormat.

Good lord

I was being.....sarcastic

I thought the op was questionable in extremis and thought that everyone would see my oozing, dripping sarcasm

I think we need a sarcastic font

Apologies to all who thought otherwise I thought that my views on violence were fairly well known as I'm an extreme advocate of sorting any violence out by any other methods

no one ever heard of bullied turns in to the bully?

Teach them to turn the other cheek..

Do you want you little boy to grow into a big boy who hits back?

PHEW Ronaldinhio

APOLOGIES x

YANBU. You need to make sure your child can defend himself.

The other option is to encourage your child to have a very emotional response of tears, loud crying and stomach clutching while backing away from the other child with an expression of fear on his face. This will disrupt the class and the teacher will then have to intervene.

Either option is an expression of power, which may curb the other child's potential bullying.

None of my children can 'defend' themselves with their fists

I am bloody proud of that fact

lol Milly at your passive agressive response idea

"an eye for an eye I say"

catches bubbles with ria and dances of merrily to the pub with her

I hope my babies are not at school with yours then Mrs Feud

Unfortunately there is only one way to treat bullies and that is to stand up to them. My mother brought us up to never hit back, two wrongs don't make a right, violence is never acceptable etc. It worked fine until we were old enough to go out to play. My brother was always running in crying because he was hit. Eventually she had enough and told him the next time to hit back and make sure it was harder. After that he never had any trouble and was able to play out quite happily. I'm afraid I told my DSs the same, they are now teenagers, are not aggressive and don't (and never have) got into physical fights. I don't think they have had to try it but bullies can probably sense that they would if pressed.
As this is happening at school I would try the proper channels first but if nothing happens there has to be a time when you tell a bully that you are not putting up with it-in a way that he understands.

throws plaits over shoulder and hoists up dungarees

turns procol harum up full blast

why Ria, are they bullies that need standing up to?

love it! twirls