To rather resent being threatened with 'disciplinary action' over this one...

[ravenAK]

I'm a teacher. Haven't missed a parents' evening in 9 years (except when on ML, obviously). Supposed to be at one this evening.

On Friday, dh springs on me that he HAS to be away with work today & tomorrow, involving an overnight stay.

There's really no way the 3 dc (aged 8 months to 4 years) can be looked after until 9pm in his absence. We spend the weekend looking at ways of throwing money at the problem (well, I do. Dh thinks it frankly ridiculous that I'm even contemplating an extra seventy quid childcare so that I can work late - he doesn't really 'get' the culture I work in...)

It's just not do-able. I inform Head of Year (organising the evening) on Monday, & make arrangements to ring parents who want appointments (7 of them) & discuss issues over phone/arrange individual meetings.

Headteacher hears about this today (poor communication - yes, I prob should have gone to see him myself - was told by HOY that it was unnecessary) & carpets me.

His take is that I am required to do the parents' evening & should spend my lunch hour ringing CM (ds & dd1) & MIL (dd2)& 'telling' them that I will be home 4 hours later than expected.

I point out that I had, actually, explored all options before declaring myself unable to attend, & that both CM & MIL have already made it clear that they can't keep the kids until 2 hours past their sodding bedtime...

Head mutters darkly about 'disciplinary action'.

AIBU to be thoroughly pissed off?

YANBU. Contact your Union if this goes any further. What a twat (the HT).

YANBU. I can see that the head might be a tad peed off that you aren't attending parents evening at short notice, however as you have rung all the parents and made alternative arrangements to meet with them, can't quite see what his issue is. Did he know that you had spoken to all the parents ?

yanbu
it was the norm at ds's school for some teachers not to be able to make it.

Actually I'm the Union rep

I haven't a clue what I'm doing, but everyone else was too scared of our rather grim culture of institutionalised bullying to stand...

Definitely a phone call to the regional office I think.

YANBU, especially as you've got a consistently good track records for parents' evenings. 9 years is excellent IMO!

YANBU - its supposed to be a job not a lifestyle/prison sentence/cult.

of course he's a twat and of course you should be pissed off

however my dh could not miss parents evening and cos they are usually known far in advance I have to be here for dd. Your dh's job comes second here - your work is just as important as his and he should have been home

unless you didn't know for some reason that parents evening was this week - like bad management by department . But if known in advance then yes your dh (or his designated cover for the evening should cover you)

Erm Yabu I'm afraid. Sorry

YANBU.

I estimate that I've attended upwards of 50 in my time, jammi - this is the first time I've ever 'knocked'.

& honestly, dh's thing is pretty damn unavoidable - it's not a routine jolly, it's a mahoosive company crisis thing. The bollocking he'd have got for saying 'No can do, dw has a parents' evening' would've been even worse.

I don't really know where you stand, it is a requirement of the job; however you only had 7 appointments and sorted alternatives.

x-posted

whats the institutionalised bullying??

But you could have arranged a baby sitter could you not? I know it is at a cost but even so.

I think YABU.

(& to be fair I am quite pissed off with dh to - he didn't cross-ref with me UNTIL he'd booked 2 conference rooms & cover for 30 people - we obviously need to synchronise our diaries better...)

I suppose the headmaster is just trying to be tough

on this 'cos if he let's you off then he has to let everyone of

the other teachers off when they have problems too.

YANBU I have been in the same situation (last week actually)
Parents Evening (4pm - 8pm), DH suddenly away and I needed to find someone to collect dd from Nursery and feed her and bath her and get her ready for bed.

I was lucky and have a lovely friend who offered to help, otherwise I would have had to cancel / postpone my appointments.

However, I do know that my Head would have been understanding and I know that if the worst had happened, I would have been able to rerarrange appointments with the Parents at a time chosen by then and all would have been fine; so why is your Head fussing?

And more importantly, why do people think YABU

Get some perspective here fellow MNetters; Family ALWAYS comes first.

Ring your Local Union co-ordinator, raven

Quattro, really, I tried.

It would've meant getting CM & MIL to drop the kids back & a sitter to take over at 5pm, do tea & get them to bed.

Ha ha Nelly, maybe it's because you're teachers and we'd

really like you to do your job and show up for parents

evening. My family comes first too.

But why is that an impossibility just for once?

You informed the Head of Year (your line manager I suppose in this situation) you arranged alternatives for the parents wanting to see you. Threatening disp action seems completely OTT so YANBU in being p*d off.

The head is handling it badly but it is directed time.

I think your dh is also out of order.

Of course family comes first but direted time is jus that and the pay off for those long holidays is that we have no flexibiilty elsewhere.

My old head would have let me have the evening off my new head would not. I do think disciplinary action is unnecessary though.