To rather resent being threatened with 'disciplinary action' over this one...

[ravenAK]

I'm a teacher. Haven't missed a parents' evening in 9 years (except when on ML, obviously). Supposed to be at one this evening.

On Friday, dh springs on me that he HAS to be away with work today & tomorrow, involving an overnight stay.

There's really no way the 3 dc (aged 8 months to 4 years) can be looked after until 9pm in his absence. We spend the weekend looking at ways of throwing money at the problem (well, I do. Dh thinks it frankly ridiculous that I'm even contemplating an extra seventy quid childcare so that I can work late - he doesn't really 'get' the culture I work in...)

It's just not do-able. I inform Head of Year (organising the evening) on Monday, & make arrangements to ring parents who want appointments (7 of them) & discuss issues over phone/arrange individual meetings.

Headteacher hears about this today (poor communication - yes, I prob should have gone to see him myself - was told by HOY that it was unnecessary) & carpets me.

His take is that I am required to do the parents' evening & should spend my lunch hour ringing CM (ds & dd1) & MIL (dd2)& 'telling' them that I will be home 4 hours later than expected.

I point out that I had, actually, explored all options before declaring myself unable to attend, & that both CM & MIL have already made it clear that they can't keep the kids until 2 hours past their sodding bedtime...

Head mutters darkly about 'disciplinary action'.

AIBU to be thoroughly pissed off?

I'm sorry but I do think you are being unreasonable. As a single parent myself I have to make arrangements (ie a paid babysitter) weeks in advance for things like parent's evenings. If it got suddenly cancelled I'd have to a) pay my babysitter anyway and b) make equally complicated arrangements for another date.

I expect the teachers to make parent's evenings as it is part of their job. My own job is part time but specifies occasional evening, weekend work. That is rare but as it is part of my job description I have to do it and when that happens I have to have a paid babysitter to do it. I can't cancel for any reason other than my or my child's illness ( and I don't know how kindly they'd look on that anyway). I would be faced with disciplinary action if I couldn't make childcare arrangements.

You see? Money oils the cogs and clouds the eyes.

1 and 2 are usual scenarios, fair enough.

Mother. AH yes, excellent. But many people have infirm or geographically distant family. And family is always the best bet for a sick child.

Au pair. I won't comment. But really.

Neighbour. Yes, good to know. Ideally everyone will have a neighbour/friend that would cover an emergency. Although it is tricky asking non-family to cover a sick child because they resent the possiblity of getting sick and dealing with crabby ill kid.

Babysitter - for many of us that is the same person as the neighbour/friend.

Cleaner. Nuff said.

and people suggesting babysitter to get 8 month old to bed never had my 8 month old

that would never have worked (at least not without a wet nurse) though maybe teachers shouldn't bf for that long

Pointy, I do love the "quatt, quatt quatt" tone but believe me we are not rich. Really. An aupair can be marvellous but can also be a psychotic nightmare. We've experienced both.

We bank favours. Sweep the helpful lady's leaves up. Stuff like that. What goes around comes around.

Blimey!
For all the posters on here who say it is being unreasonable because we is contracted to attend, does that mean it is perfectly reasonable for me never to bother giving up 2 Saturdays a year for Christmas and summer fairs? How about 2 friday evenings each year for school discos? How about I stop spending the amount I do on my own resources and treats and little prizes for end of year thingies? Or how about I stop taking an after school club or giving up a lunchtime to do netball practice ??????
Would it be reasonable for me to do all that considering I'm not under contract to do them?

Myredcardigan you choose to do all of those things as do most teachers but that does not mean you do not have to meet your contractual obligations,

Quattro most of us cant afford an au pair or even a cleaner...

No, but it goes both ways. Raven has said she hasn't missed one before so it's not as if she's not doing her job.

I think missing one in 8yrs is pretty good going and nobody could say she was not meeting her contractual obligations.

Hi Raven... trying to put my self in your position as a fellow teacher and its a real tricky one... (fellow teacher) because if like in my school parents eve are set well in advance I suppose there is some expectation that arrangements for childcare will be sorted. However it rarely works like that and as you or someone else said family must come first! If I was to be a pain in the arse and look at cause for complaint (largely due to a wrong judgement on the part of head of year) Maybe keeping HT in the loop from the initial problem stage may have made him more understanding! However hindsight is a wonderful thing! If you can re-arrange for another night/s and be accommodating for parents.... I can't see the difference it will make! As far as disciplinary action is concerned.. How ridiculous! What union are you in and what do they expect...?? for you to leave your kiddies alone? Would surely result in more trouble! Be really interested in what happens!

Quatto you ARE rich.

What I'm saying is that everyone should remember that most teacher give above and beyond their contractual obligations regularly. A bit of understanding over a one off family requirement should not have been met with mutterings of disciplinary action.

I agree redcardigan that most teachers give above and beyond but that does not mean they should not do the basic.

I disagree, Herbie.
I don't think I know of anyone else who offers to give up their time outside the normal day to do extra work. Nor anyone who volunteers to take extra stuff home (that doesn't need to be done for their day to day job)or to come in on a Saturday.

And both my DH and most of our friends are professionals.

Yes I'm sorry, that's true - wonderstuff and pointy. It's inaccurate to claim that we are not rich in the global or even national scale of things. What I would say though is that a teacher is well able to afford to pay for childcare for one evening a year.

YANBU but some of the posters on this thread are being totally unreasonable. OP didn't cock up, her dh did - she talked to her manager who said she didn't need to talk to head. Bear in mind the youngest child is 8 months and there are 3 across an age range, I wouldn't want just any babysitter even if one was available at such short notice.

She knows it's not ideal but she went to the trouble of contacting parents and letting them know the situation and trying to make some alternative arrangement. If my child were school age (he's not yet) I'd be disappointed but I wouldn't be outraged if this wasn't something that happened every other parents' evening.

Just because lots of other people have difficult situations re work and childcare commitments eg jnmum hardly justifies taking a line of "my employers are mean so everyone else's should be too".

Re union I recommend contacting your local branch office - hope you're a member of a decent teaching union and branch and arranging representation should disciplinary action be pursued, even getting someone to contact your head to discuss it rather than waiting.

Of course I see it from a parents POV,I am one. Firstly, you should have been given more than 1 weeks notice. Secondly, things need to be cancelled all the time because of things life throws. I dragged 3kids to the dentist last week only to be told she had gone home ill and could I rearrange. Things happen.

'I don't think I know of anyone else who offers to give up their time outside the normal day to do extra work. Nor anyone who volunteers to take extra stuff home (that doesn't need to be done for their day to day job)or to come in on a Saturday.'

I think this is where it gets confused, because the experiences are so different!

My experience is exactly the opposite of yours - I know no one who has never worked unpaid overtime and done extra hours, worked whole weekends, 48 hour 'days'. Where not having the childcare sorted would have you laughed out of the room (and probably out of a job too)!

May be speaking out of turn .. but dh's do seem to have a similar attitude! Already said I am a teacher but also a govenor and have a govenors meeting at 6pm on Monday next week. Been on the calendar for yonks! Anyway DH has now got an evening unavoidable meeting on Monday eve and although I am not cross at this I am not impressed child care has now become my problem. And I think largely coz he now earns more than me and he knows that strictly speaking I am not being paid for my meeting!

My understanding of op's posts is not that she wouldn't have paid for childcare, it is that it wasn't possible to find suitable childcare that could undertake what was needed at a few days' notice.

myred I can think if lots of people whp do that who are not teachers.

My understanding of the OP's position is that she elected not to try to find the childcare and went to her line manager who said it would be okay. Subsequently the Head said it would not be okay at which point it was too late to find childcare. Which is different.