To rather resent being threatened with 'disciplinary action' over this one...

[ravenAK]

I'm a teacher. Haven't missed a parents' evening in 9 years (except when on ML, obviously). Supposed to be at one this evening.

On Friday, dh springs on me that he HAS to be away with work today & tomorrow, involving an overnight stay.

There's really no way the 3 dc (aged 8 months to 4 years) can be looked after until 9pm in his absence. We spend the weekend looking at ways of throwing money at the problem (well, I do. Dh thinks it frankly ridiculous that I'm even contemplating an extra seventy quid childcare so that I can work late - he doesn't really 'get' the culture I work in...)

It's just not do-able. I inform Head of Year (organising the evening) on Monday, & make arrangements to ring parents who want appointments (7 of them) & discuss issues over phone/arrange individual meetings.

Headteacher hears about this today (poor communication - yes, I prob should have gone to see him myself - was told by HOY that it was unnecessary) & carpets me.

His take is that I am required to do the parents' evening & should spend my lunch hour ringing CM (ds & dd1) & MIL (dd2)& 'telling' them that I will be home 4 hours later than expected.

I point out that I had, actually, explored all options before declaring myself unable to attend, & that both CM & MIL have already made it clear that they can't keep the kids until 2 hours past their sodding bedtime...

Head mutters darkly about 'disciplinary action'.

AIBU to be thoroughly pissed off?

[twinsetandpearls]

I agree starbear. Parents evenings dont come out of the blue we know the dates in September. Your DH should have sorted childcare,

[harpsichordcarrier]

but come on, my dh's job does come first because he is the main breadwinner and because his employer is less understanding and family friendly.
that's the reality for many people with children, though not all.

[twinsetandpearls]

That is normal though pointy in any job you don't take time off because you feel a bit sniffly, you take time off if you are properly ill. I had a day off last week as I was too ill to work, but if I could get by in the classroom and was not contagious I would always go to work as would everyone else.

[Dropdeadfred]

just wondered why your mil could not have looked after all 3 dcs at your house until you got back???

[Quattrocento]

Where I am coming from with the YABU angle is this:

1. You have a contractual commitment to attend
2. The childcare problem could have been handled had you and your DH communicated. Sorting childcare problems is the lot of working parents. Where were your standbys? If you don't have any sorted i suggest you arrange some.
3. It is not the parents' fault that you have a childcare problem and they might well have to arrange childcare for parents evenings too (we always have to ...).

[twinsetandpearls]

I think that is shocking givemesleep and hardly sounds proffessional.

[ItsNELLyChristmas]

twinset, look at the bigger picture; nothing bad came out of it, Raven's children were looked after properly and raven has put herself out doubly in order to see the parents at their convenience.
Would you rather she left her children in a position she was not happy with? I would hope not

Please get some perspective, raven has reorganised the appointments, I cannot see what the issue is.

Raven this may not be your Union, but they all have similar policies; this may be useful work life balance

[ravenAK]

OK, it was a cock up on dh's part, & annoying (especially as I end up taking this particular hit for the team! )

However, he's away a LOT (work or his band) & usually, it's no problem - CM happy to do an extra hour or whatever if I don't get home until 6pm, say - very different from keeping them up 2 hours past bedtime till I get there.

On this one occasion, he failed to check that a sudden work emergency didn't clash with one of my 6 parents' evenings a year.

Definitely a lesson for him to have MY work calendar on his desk...but today, when the Head started having his benny, I still maintain there wasn't much I could do AT THAT POINT - having been told 3 days previously it was fine for me not to attend.

[moondog]

You should be there.It's your job.
You have peopel who could look after your kids.
I'm regularly out having meeting at night and I am on my own (dh abroad) It's just the way it is.

Get a grip FGS.

[wonderstuff]

But TSAP in any other job there is some flexibility, I know we get the holidays, and so obviously you don't take time off for the dentists or whatever like you would if you only had a few weeks holiday, but if both of you HAVE to be somewhere at the same time and you CANT get childcare then family does come first, what else can you do?

[ItsNELLyChristmas]

Raven, you know you did the right thing

Step away from this thread

[twinsetandpearls]

Itsnelly I have agreed that disciplnary action is a step too far but you cannot expect her head to be pleased that she has broken a contractual agreement.

This is not IMO a work life balance issue as it is a basic contractual issue. There are huge life balance issues in teaching, I recently left a school that required me to be at my desk at 6 in the morning and leave at 7 at night only then to work when got home. But this is not a work life balance issue.

[Quattrocento]

Yes but it surprises me that you thought it was okay not to attend in the first place. You could have arranged the childcare with forward planning but you chose not to. I imagine that's why the Head is furious, and tbh I would be in his place. But then again I work in the private sector where this would have been entirely unacceptable.

[twinsetandpearls]

In such a situation you have to put your family first but you accept there may be consequences for that action.

[callmeovercautious]

YANBU - you are a working mother with responsibilities outside of work. You can prove you have tried to make other arrangements and they have failed. I would not want to be the one defending a sex descrimination case against you on this.

I hope they see sense.

[pointydog]

It's not always severe illness. People sometimes take time off for a pressing dental appointment that can't be scheduled at another time. People have to take time off to look after a sick dependent.

I don't agree that the person with the lower paid job has to take all teh flak that comes from child care problems or child illnesses/appointments. Just because a job is less well paid does not mean it is less important.

But I've worked in a job before where I had to pay extra childcare so that I could carry out work-related duties that I received no extra pay for. Not that I think everyon should do that. Not at all. But sometimes it does seem the best option.

I'd be mad if my dh told me he didn't want to pay childcare as a result of him mucking up the original long-standing childcare arrangments.

[Quattrocento]

The sex discrimination angle is nonsense btw

[moondog]

Raven, not referring to you here, but I am so bloody fed up with the scores of lazy arse teachers i come across in my job. Some are off 'sick' 4/5 times a term. Bloody public sector.

Dh (private sector) is constantly astounded at the stories I tell him.

[twinsetandpearls]

I know this is not easy, I am lucky to have a dp who works flexi time from home as we have faced similar issues a few times.

I do think though that we do have so many percs of our job that the lack of flexibility is a small trade off.

[Dropdeadfred]

why couldn't your dh ask his MIL days ago whether she could babysit all three dc at your home (and put them to bed if necessary) til you got home?

[twinsetandpearls]

"YANBU - you are a working mother with responsibilities outside of work. You can prove you have tried to make other arrangements and they have failed. I would not want to be the one defending a sex descrimination case against you on this."

. callmeovercautious

Callmeovercautious there is a working father in this scenario as well.

[ravenAK]

BananaFruitBat, on Monday I informed all parents wanting appointments that due to unforeseen circs. I couldn't attend.

One is coming in on another evening to meet me, the rest are happy to do it over the phone.

Moondog, I don't actually have people who can look after my kids until 9pm, other than dh.

CM can't work past 6 - she has family commitments of her own. MIL is in her 70s & already covering the morning between me needing to leave for work & CM picking the older 2 up.

[Quattrocento]

Yup, the sex discrimination angle is nonsense ...

[wonderstuff]

Really moondog? Because at my school I am constantly amazed at just how hard everyone is working, I don't think people in the private sector would work as many hours for the same pay, but that's probably another thread...

[twinsetandpearls]

wonderstuff and moondog I think there is a mixture of both tbh as in all jobs.