To object to guests bearing meat

[stinkymonkey]

OK, so this is the situation: I have been vegetarian for about 25 years. DC both veggie, DP is not, but I do most of the cooking so effectively he eats veggie at home. Meat/fish never usually cooked in our house. Very occasionally I have cooked meaty sausages for a guest, but only about 3 times in the last 10 yrs.

Family live far away, so visits usually involve staying for about 4/5 days. Very often, they will bring meat, so I will open up my nice meatfree fridge to see some skanky ham poking out. The worst time was when MIL was on some kind of salmon-heavy diet, and made the whole house stink like cat food. My mum has just been here and has obviously been cooking meat because I could smell it when I turned on the oven.

What is wrong with people that they can't go without meat for a few days? Why does nobody think that, as a veggie household, we might object to meat being cooked here? Does this happen to any other veggies?

Family guests usually babysit, so I am trying to be forgiving, but this is really starting to piss me off.

YABU, your DP is not veggie therefore you are not a veggie household

You should have objected to start with

So if your DP isn't veggie, how are you a veggie household. Does he not live there?

YANBU.

It is rude.
You don't turn up to a dinner party with your own food and you don't turn up to stay at someone's house with your own food (unless you are giving it as present or are on special diet). It is rude and thoughtless especially if the host has reasons to ban that food i.e. allergies, vegetarianism etc.

If they were that desperate for meat they could have taken you out for a meal one night or summat.

My mother has been vegetarian for 33 years. She often happily makes my DC a meal with meat in.

YANBU. It's your home and people should respect that. I'm not a veggie, but am on your side!

Have you told them how you feel?

You said meat/veg not 'usually' cooked in your home which means you have at certain times cooked it.
Your dp obviously likes his meat and does not complain when he has to eat veggie most of the time. Could you not pay him the same courtesy.
I personally think you should be grateful that you have guests thoughtful enough to buy and bring their own meat.

As for you being forgiving of others who come into your home and horror of horrors, eat meat, then I am sure that them babysitting helps you enormously when it comes to forgiveness.

mil once ( and never again) stayed at our house and when it came back it REEKED of fish and I am vegetarian

i actually do not think you are unreasonable but plenty will!

Have you told them that it upsets you? I think it's unreasonable to expect them to just know that you won't like it, I'm sure many vegetarians don't mind the presence of meat in their house. It's fair enough that you do but you need to make it clear.

DP v rarely cooks, heating up baked beans are about as much as he can manage. So when he eats meat/fish it's outside the home.

I can cook pretty well, and I tend to steer clear of the weirdy veggie stuff for guests, so it's not like they're all gagging from an avalanche of quinoa or anything.

I know I should have objected at the start, it's probably too late now. I think I was so taken aback that they just buy this stuff and bung it in my fridge without checking that it's OK.

I don't think it's too late but you do need to tell them that you don't want meat in your house

I just want to point out that not eating meat for health reasons i.e. allergies, is not quite the same as being a vegetarian.

I think it depends on the sort of visit. If you are feeding them throughout, then they are being very rude. If it is more of a look after yourself sort of set up, then I'm afraid you cannot expect them to adopt your diet.

This would annoy me too.Maybe you could suggest that if they insist on cooking meat in your home, they thoroughly clean out the oven afterwards. That should make them think twice, and if not, at least you get a horrid job done by someone else!

I do think you or your dp needs to have a gentle word - they probably just havent thought, and would be upset to know it bothered you.

yes we are the same
dp not veggie but does not eat meat in the house - we ARE a veggie house
people are funny - my mother used to try to sneak meat in in her handbag and eat it under the table #lol!

just say something like "i feel rather embarrassed bringing this up but would you mind not bringing meat into the house - i really prefer not to have meat in the fridge, or cooked here - i'd very much appreciate it, if you don't mind"

OR if they are staying a while and self-catering, discuss with them what types of meat you are / aren't happy having in the house
eg dripping bloody steak in fridge - no
takeaway eaten from the box - yes

We are the same.

I don't think YABU at all. I really don't want my pans used for cooking meat or meat in my fridge- yuk.

My parents always made a huge fuss about having to do without meat for the one or two days they were with us. Yet when we go there mum's idea of a reasonable meal to give us (6 adults) is a 500g bag of dried pasta and a small jar of Dolmio sauce.

It's your house so ask them not to bring meat into the house. I stayed with a vegan friend once and she was happy if we ate meat in a cafe or restaurant but inside the house, her vegan rules applied (although she relaxed it fast enough to get a free fridge from her mum which had contained meat products!). Unless there is a medical reason why someone must eat meat products, put your foot down.

If I went to stay/for dinner with a veggie friend, I would eat what was put in front of me. I don't often eat vegetarian/vegan cuisine, but am always happy to try new tastes. To be honest, I'd rather try vegetarian/vegan food cooked by someone who does it all the time and knows what they're doing than try to cook it myself and end up with tasteless stodge (as has happened in the past when I tried to make lentil bake and failed dismally!).

You're not being unreasonable at all, imo.

I don't think you are being unreasonable but you do need to let them know, it probably hasn't even crossed their minds that you have a problem with it. There is a wide range in the levels of meat tolerance with different people, all of them calling themselves veggies, from the illogical chicken eaters to the stricter don't want it in the house people and every shade in between.
So if it bothers you just ask politely that they don't.

Lol, Franny, I wondered if you were the op, I remember the sneaky ham in the bag thing.

If it wasn't so stupid it would be funny. People smuggling meat into houses??? Like they're going to waste away without meat twice a day!

I think you are maybe being a little unreasonable if you have never made your feelings clear. That said it is your home and if you don't want meat in it for whatever reason then it's completely reasonable and not too late for you to make your wishes known. Better that than having unsaid issues spoiling your relationship with your extended family and leading to you resenting their visits.

Next time you go to stay with your family, just bring them a basket of fresh fruits and vegetables and some tofu... and just take all the meat out of their fridge...
We are not vegetarian in our family but have few friends who are... I respect what they want to eat and enjoy cooking them vegetarian meals,I would never offer them meat...and how rude to bring meat in a vegeterarian household!!!! Put your feet down
stinkymonkey...

Thanks for all your responses. Still undecided about whether I will say anything or not. Part of the issue is that my mum is a very tetchy sort who loves an argument and I suspect is buying meat to deliberately piss me off (I know that sounds odd, but she is A Level Odd).