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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To object to guests bearing meat

223 replies

stinkymonkey · 17/11/2008 18:08

OK, so this is the situation: I have been vegetarian for about 25 years. DC both veggie, DP is not, but I do most of the cooking so effectively he eats veggie at home. Meat/fish never usually cooked in our house. Very occasionally I have cooked meaty sausages for a guest, but only about 3 times in the last 10 yrs.

Family live far away, so visits usually involve staying for about 4/5 days. Very often, they will bring meat, so I will open up my nice meatfree fridge to see some skanky ham poking out. The worst time was when MIL was on some kind of salmon-heavy diet, and made the whole house stink like cat food. My mum has just been here and has obviously been cooking meat because I could smell it when I turned on the oven.

What is wrong with people that they can't go without meat for a few days? Why does nobody think that, as a veggie household, we might object to meat being cooked here? Does this happen to any other veggies?

Family guests usually babysit, so I am trying to be forgiving, but this is really starting to piss me off.

OP posts:
wannaBe · 17/11/2008 22:54

what about vegans then?

would it be reasonable for a vegan to tell their guests they would have to go without all meat/fish/eggs/milk/cheese etc for 5 days?

A vegan diet certainly isn't suitable for everyone...

TheFallenMadonna · 17/11/2008 22:56

Wow, people are rude. You don't take your own food when you go to stay with someone. Not unless you takes something for everyone as a treat or have discussed catering arrangements with the hosts first.

Can people really not survive a few days without meat?

And it's also rude to serve someone food you know they won't eat (thinking of the "then I'll serve meat dishes to vegetarians in my home" response).

Where are your manners people?

Mum2OliverJames · 17/11/2008 22:56

YANBU your house, your rules, lay some down!

i dont smoke, hate the smell of smoke and NOBODY is gonna smoke in my house!

i think it is disrepectful to your beliefs that people will just come along and out meat in your fridge/pots and pans/cooker!

wannaBe · 17/11/2008 22:57

and won't eat is again a matter of choice or taste.

I am quite picky when it comes to veg.

And there is absolutely no way on this earth I could live on vegetarian for 5 days - I would have to eat out, which presumably again would be considered rude?

TheFallenMadonna · 17/11/2008 22:58

Yes it would Wannabe.

wannaBe · 17/11/2008 22:59

"And it's also rude to serve someone food you know they won't eat" I won't eat vegy so that applies on both sides of the argument.

Why is it that meat eaters are considered rude if they don't cater for vegies, but vegies can sit behind their beliefs and their principles and to hell with the meat eaters?

bit of a double standard me thinks...

ingles2 · 17/11/2008 23:00

my bf is vegan, I've always enjoyed the food she's cooked me and as I like cooking I've always relished the challenge of cooking for her...so I wouldn't find it a problem. I'd have to explain the dc's couldn't eat a vegan diet if we were to stay. Being vegan is a difficult lifestyle though, I would imagine most are understanding of that. Being vegetarian isn't.
I'm not vege btw...but we do eat vege 3/4 nights a week and ds1never eats the meat on his plate.

ingles2 · 17/11/2008 23:02

come on Wannabe...really?... there are not 4 vege dishes you could/would eat?

Ronaldinhio · 17/11/2008 23:03

yabu and frankly I am still confused at how vegetarians live

or is it lesbians???

wannaBe · 17/11/2008 23:03

no.

TheFallenMadonna · 17/11/2008 23:04

Do you really not eat vegetables wannaBe? That can't be healthy. If the meat were removed from your plate, would you really not be able to survive with larger portions of what was left for a couple of days?

ingles2 · 17/11/2008 23:04

I think most vege's are happy to eat the meal without meat aren't they...so coming back to the earlier argument of people wanting their meat and 2 veg, they'd be having the 2 veg then

wannaBe · 17/11/2008 23:04

unless you count cheese on toast as a veg dish

ingles2 · 17/11/2008 23:05

so if you take away the meat what is on your plate wannabe?

ingles2 · 17/11/2008 23:06
Grin
Ronaldinhio · 17/11/2008 23:06

mayonnaise?

wannaBe · 17/11/2008 23:06

I will eat veg as part of a dish ie in a stir-fry or as part of a pasta sauce/roast whatever. But just stir-fried vegetables and no meat? no thanks. And just roast potatoes and veg with no meat and no gravy? eeek.

ingles2 · 17/11/2008 23:09

well what about
pasta and tomato/basil sauce or pesto or olives or cheese sauce
or risotto
or cous cous and roast veg and halloumi
there's loads

TheFallenMadonna · 17/11/2008 23:11

So if you were staying with a friend and they offered you stir fried veg you'd go to a restaurant instead? You'd refuse to eat something you would ordinarily eat, just because you prefer it with something else? You're exaggerating for effect. That would be daft.

nooka · 17/11/2008 23:13

OK, so a veggie won't eat meat, but it's not rude if they refuse to eat it at an omnivores house, whereas giving a guest something they don't like (not to your taste) is just fine? Humans are designed to be omnivores, so it's not that veggies can't eat meat, just as the OPs family are also capable of eating whatever she serves them.

I'm still not sure why the visitors are bringing any food though, is it to top up the veggie meals or because there is at least some degree of self catering going on?

jasper · 17/11/2008 23:17

If they are staying for 5 days it is not reasonable to expect them to adopt your veg diet for that length of time.

I LOVE vegetarian cooking (many of my friends are vegetarians and I cook for them a lot) but would never choose to not eat meat for several days at a timne.

You should respect that in your guests and it is reasonable for them to bring their own meat. At least they don't expect you to provide it.

Grin and bear it!

ingles2 · 17/11/2008 23:18

because being a vegetarian is a long term lifestyle choice as opposed to being given something that is not your favourite food, but you can still eat it.
and there's no reason why you wouldn't eat vege...go back to the 50's and you would have only be having meat once or twice a week anyway.

duchesse · 17/11/2008 23:21

I would have to say that as a wheat and egg intolerant omnivore (well, what's left after you remove wheat and egg containing things, anyway), I wouldn't stay very healthy on a standard vegetarian diet. Most of my visit after the first 24 hours would be spent alternately on the loo or writhing in pain. It would have to be a wheat-free vegan household. At least I know where I am with plain meat/ fish and vegetables.

Just my PoV, although I have to say that I do think it is rude for a guest to introduce meat into a vegetarian household. I also think that as a host I'd ensure that my guests are receiving food they can actually eat without a personality transplant (am thinking liberal use of mock meat products such as Quorn).

TheFallenMadonna · 17/11/2008 23:23

Seriously? You love vegetarian food but couldn't eat it for five days? I'm really surprised at the number of people who would rather upset friends or family than go without a bit of meat for a few days.

jasper · 17/11/2008 23:26

inglwes this is not the 50s.

If someone is staying in your home for the best part of a week it is reasonable to make their stay as comfortable as possible and food is a major part of that.

They are bringing their OWN meat.It is not reasonable for the OP to object to that.

Duchesse you cannot be serious that quorn is an acceptable substitute for meat? For five days?