To object to guests bearing meat

[stinkymonkey]

OK, so this is the situation: I have been vegetarian for about 25 years. DC both veggie, DP is not, but I do most of the cooking so effectively he eats veggie at home. Meat/fish never usually cooked in our house. Very occasionally I have cooked meaty sausages for a guest, but only about 3 times in the last 10 yrs.

Family live far away, so visits usually involve staying for about 4/5 days. Very often, they will bring meat, so I will open up my nice meatfree fridge to see some skanky ham poking out. The worst time was when MIL was on some kind of salmon-heavy diet, and made the whole house stink like cat food. My mum has just been here and has obviously been cooking meat because I could smell it when I turned on the oven.

What is wrong with people that they can't go without meat for a few days? Why does nobody think that, as a veggie household, we might object to meat being cooked here? Does this happen to any other veggies?

Family guests usually babysit, so I am trying to be forgiving, but this is really starting to piss me off.

Die? Unlikely. Feel unwelcome, uncomfortable and hungry, yes of course. I do think that a vegetarian diet is likely to give you wind, particularly if you are not used to it, yes.

I think you have to adapt to your guests.

My DP is Jewish and while he and his immediate family eat anything, a lot of his friends won't eat pork, sea food etc. When they come over for meals, I am careful to cook something that takes account of their dietary restrictions, even though both DP and I think it is a bit silly...

So leaving the ham out of a ham and cheese sandwich or not having chicken in your tomato and basil pasta is going to cause wind? And they'll be hungry???

You'd obviously not cope in my house. Meat is once a week thing and fish twice a week. The other four days no flesh!!!!!

Seriously, I asked before and no-one answered, how often do those of you who think it's unreasonable eat meat? Every meal? I think I understand now why people say that it's too expensive to buy free-range, ethically reared meat. It'd be bloody expensive if it was eaten twice a day.

Anna8888 - what if you turned the situation round (which is more what's happening in this case). If you and your dp went to visit your jewish friends who keep kosher, would you expect to take seafood or pork with you and cook it in their house?

I suspect part of this is the difference between having friends and family to stay. Friends are people you have actively chosen, and you will only invite them if you really want their company. They are also actively choosing to visit, knowing that this will entail being cooked for in a particular way. You probably wouldn't have them to stay for more than a meal or two in any case. Family on the other hand are complicated. The element of choice is rather different, and they come with a whole bundle of history. Probably neither party really wants to stay for so long, and there is more stress involved. There is also less "best behaviour" going on, as the relationship is less fragile. I know that when I stay with my parents it is very difficult to make sure things don't slip into patterns from when I lived at home and my mother was the boss. That's not to say that my parents aren't good hosts (they usually are excellent) but we have very different values, and they tend to rub.

Personally I would not choose to stay any length of time with an evangelical vegetarian because the likelihood of an argument would just be too high, and I would find it very stressful. I am sure that they would not stay with me, because although I would happily cook them a tasty vegetarian meal I would not strip the house of meat to make them comfortable. But I do stay with my sister who is an evangelical Christian (I am an aetheist). Because we love each other we both try and steer off conversations that will cause hurt. I think in this case the OP either has to accept that her mum is going to wind her up because that's how she is, and decide on that basis whether to have her to stay, or attempt to have a conversation about the meat issue and reach a compromise. I don' think making straight demands on her guests is a productive way forward.

Oh I eat meat/fish for most (but not all) lunches and suppers. It would be unusual for me not to have meat for more than a day. I think this is fairly typical for most families. Meat products (like stock for example) form the base of most meals. I find if I eat a low protein meal I need to eat more, and I will get hungry more quickly than if meat was involved (not surprising as meat is very nutritious).

We eat meat, chicken, or fish every day.

I would not want to eat pasta or sandwich for every meal for five days. Most nights, we eat salad and meat/chicken/fish, sometimes with vegetables, soup, or lentils/chickpeas/beans.

I wouldn't want to eat pasta or a sandwich all the time. What about curry, tagines, paella, stir frys, stews, soups, chilli, rissoto, frittata, baked potatoes/sweet potatoes, vegi salads with pakoras or falafel, sushi or tortillas?

Just tell them you don't want meat in the house cos it makes you feel ill, its your house do what you want.

Curry and chili are spice, not a dish.

Tagine and paella are supposed to have meat/chicken/seafood in them. Same with stew.

Unless, of course, your definition of tagine is vegetable cooked in conical dish, paella is rice with vegetable, stew is slow cooked vegetable, etc

The rest of your list is soup (great but not a main dish), vegetables (not for every single meal, thank you), and lots of carbohydrates (rice, risotto, pasta, potatoes).

To each their own and all that but not for me. Especially not for DH. I think he would actually curl up and die if he weren't allowed to eat meat for a week

I just ate a huge plate of liver, which I cooked with onion and tomatoes. Yum!

Now you've gone and done it, CoteDAzur I really fancy that and I'm on a diet so I can't right now. I'm a veggie for now by circumstance rather than choice.

It seems like every house I pass lately smells of bacon and my mouth waters.

Oops, sorry! You can come share mine anytime. Nobody else in the house eats any.

In my defense, I'm 13 weeks pregnant and need to load up on iron in my diet because I can't stand iron in vitamin supplements.

Cote I thought you had to avoid Liver in pregnancy because of the Vitamin E (I could be wrong about the vitamin name). I had loads after having my two because I was a bit anaemic. One of those things that has to be cooked just right IMO - too much and it turns into rubber.

Cote - be careful that you aren't getting too much vitamin A. Are you taking a supplement too?

(Isn't liver to be avoided in pregnancy due to excessive levels of vitamin A? Dried apricots'd be better!)

Seems eating meat makes some people narrow minded and hostile! The way I see it is this; if you go to stay with a muslim, you don't take booze round and get leathered. If said muslim came to yours, you would be entitled to have a drink yourself in your own house, but totally unreasonable to expect them to drink as well, just because it's your house and you are.

I think taking meat into a vegetarian household - and yours is vegetarian - is absolutely revolting. I wouldn't dream of doing it. And in my veggie days I'd have thrown them out. YANBU.

Interesting that this "avoid liver" recommendation doesn't exist in France. I ate quite a bit when pregnant with DD and only heard about it after she was born. Nothing wrong with skipping tomorrow's prenatal vitamins, of course.

ewwww how did this thread evovle into a liver eating discusiion?

That's fair enough CoteDAzur. I expect if I saw your diet of beef, chicken, pork, offal, bacon, lamb etc I'd say it was all just flesh. And if you're interested, I can give you the specific recipes I use for the various spicy dishes I was refering to, but I thought using the 'chilli' and 'curry' would be easier

Re the op - isn't this just what parents do? My dm is on a different diet every time she visits and this time it was the blood group one so she brought a bag of fruit and a box of eggs just in case |I had nothing that suited!
My pil have to be told not to bring their own food every time they come for lunch (which can be weekly)or they will arrive with warm low fat yoghurts and some low salt ham. I think they have an abiding fear of imposing and fil has high blood pressure and they are terrified of him eating the wrong thing.

I think it's rude to bring your own food because it offends my entertaining sensibilities, but then I never really expect my family to take any notice of that.

Spidermama you said you meat eaters don't understand what it's like for us vegetarians.

How about turning that around and accepting you vegetarians don't understand what it is like for us meat eaters?WE ARE NOT ASKING YOU TO EAT MEAT, FOR GOODNESS SAKE.Just let us get on with it.

it is like asking us to see in black and white or do without music for a week.

And if you don't get that ( I am sure you won't ) i have proved my point.

ingles no one said you'll die without meat for 5 days

Ingles. forbidding them from eating apples because YOU find them repulsive is intolerant and rude

Duchesse, meat substitutes taste NOTHING like meat, nor do they feel the same in your tummy. Five days of quorn and I would be ill