To object to guests bearing meat

[stinkymonkey]

OK, so this is the situation: I have been vegetarian for about 25 years. DC both veggie, DP is not, but I do most of the cooking so effectively he eats veggie at home. Meat/fish never usually cooked in our house. Very occasionally I have cooked meaty sausages for a guest, but only about 3 times in the last 10 yrs.

Family live far away, so visits usually involve staying for about 4/5 days. Very often, they will bring meat, so I will open up my nice meatfree fridge to see some skanky ham poking out. The worst time was when MIL was on some kind of salmon-heavy diet, and made the whole house stink like cat food. My mum has just been here and has obviously been cooking meat because I could smell it when I turned on the oven.

What is wrong with people that they can't go without meat for a few days? Why does nobody think that, as a veggie household, we might object to meat being cooked here? Does this happen to any other veggies?

Family guests usually babysit, so I am trying to be forgiving, but this is really starting to piss me off.

What on earth would happen if you didn't eat meat for five days?

no of course it's not the '50's!!!
What I'm saying is that it's only a recent situation that we can afford to eat meat every day,..so saying you'll "die" without having meat in 5 days is faintly ridiculous.
And it is unreasonable to bring meat into the OP's house without discussing it with her first, when they must know her views on it.

I am stunned by some of the comments on this thread.

Out of interest, those of you who feel you couldn't/shouldn't have to go without meat for five days, how much meat do you eat? Do you have it every day, or every meal? How often do you eat red/processed meat (this includes bacon, sausages and ham)?

It's the difference between having something you like omitted and having something you find offensive forced on you.

I'm not vegetarian, but I'm really surprised at the number of people who find meat more important than manners in this case.

Nothing, obviously.

But I would never choose this and would miss it terribly. This is a point my vegetarian friends ( by their very nature ) would never understand.

It would NOT be normal for my family to go without meat ( or bread, or milk, or breakfast cereal, or fruit, or vegetables ) for 5 days.

If someone had a principled I went to their house for a week I would take my own bag of apples.

sorry that should read if someone had a principled aversion to fruit and I went to stay with them for a week I would take my own bag of apples.

Wow! What a long thread.
I've been veggie for 23 years. I put up with meat in the house but only because dh is the head chef and three of my four kids eat meat.

I'm used to it now, but I still know which bags in the fridge NOT to touch. I still recoil in horror if I accidentally touch a bag which has sausages or something in it.
Nothing else feels like meat.

You meat eaters really don't understand what it's like for vegetarians. You're not like us. I can't help it but my stomache really turns at the thought of body parts lying cold in my fridge. To me those sausages might just as well be a bag of severed fingers or something. Really, really vile. Not food at all. Something other.

However, I still kiss a man who eats it, watch as my kids tear flesh from chicken bones. DD and I put our fingers in our ears and turn away when the boys and dh catch and kill fish when we're out on the boat.

I really have no problem with other people eating meat. I have major problems with intensive farming and animal welfare ... but if my kids want to eat mackarel, which they caught themselves, I'm really, really happy for them. I'll still take the vegetarian option.

Sorry that ended up so long winded.

fine...but eating an apple in someone's home doesn't involve offend their beliefs does it

I don't understand why people are so disrespectful of vegetarians. There's often a perception it's in some way faddy and irritating.

Yet I would assume these people would totally respect the wishes of, say, a Muslim guest by not serving ham.

We have to respect the views of others whether or not we share them and intolerance against vegetarians is just another sort of bigotry.

and saying someone could have a principled aversion to fruit is just madness jasper...
if they had an allergy you wouldn't take your bag of apples in.

YANBU. I love meat, but I wouldn't dream of taking my own supplies into a vegetarian household. How rude! There is no medical reason why anyone can't eat vegetarian, (or even vegan), for a few days. Those who say they couldn't survive that length of time without meat need to re-examine their diets - they must be eating far too much of it, and thus increasing their risk of heart disease and various cancers.

jasper- why on earth not?

Quorn in a shepherd's pie type thing, along with other standard vegetarian fare, is perfectly acceptable for anybody for a few days.

From an environmental point of view, none of us should be eating meat more than three times a week in total anyway. Considering that an enormous number of people in the world survive for years on corn meal/cassava/rice and vegetables, we should feel extremely fortunate at having the chance to eat meat several times a month. But that is a different issue entirely.

I think it's personal choice. Was a proper veggie for 7 years, then started eating fish flesh, but was vegan for 1 year at Uni. Now haven't eaten a mammal for 19 years.

Used to drive me nuts when people cooked corpses in my pans and especially my wok (bleurgh) as bits of the corpse always got stuck to the wok.

Now I don't eat any mammals, but I do cook it for my DH and DCs.

Don't object to hunting for food, or people eating game etc. Do hate intensive farming and slaughter methods and believe that anyone who does use flesh based protein should have to kill something from that web of life - yes I have killed fish and eaten them...

It is very disrespectful of people to bring things into your home that you really find offensive - if they'd sat down to a load of innappropriate porn over dinner would people still believe YABU?

It's your home - you have the right to be comfortable in it.

I also think the meat eaters should be referred to as fleshies or corpse crunchers, but that's a whole other issue.

Great post bb99.

Oh - or birds I should say, haven't eaten any adult birds, reptiles or insects and have stuck to fish and crustaceans for the last 12 years...

Rant over - It's your home and beliefs. They should be completely respected.

ingles2, why would a principled aversion to fruit be madness? surely if someone felt they had good reason to not want fruit (or a particular kind) in their house you would respect that?

Well I think fish and crustacean eaters should be called corpse-munchers too - unless you gobble em down alive, mwhahahah, in which case you are excused!

I think it depends on your attitude to food. I was brought up to eat a very wide range of food, and to consider that fussiness is a very very bad thing. I am interested in animal welfare and eat free range whenever possible, so I find it annoying when some veggies are a bit holier than thou about their choices.

Personally I don't think that vegetarians who eat eggs or milk products have a very consistent viewpoint, but I'm not really bothered about it unless their choices have a direct impact on me. So the veggies I had to cater for at work were a right pain in the but, because it was never just meat/fish they couldn't eat, and they made such a big deal about it (especially in contrast to the coeliac who made do with some really rubbish options at times). Also those "veggies" who just don't like certain types of meat and use the cover of vegetarianism (but eat say fish or chicken) dont do the cause any good.

On the other hand I also know veggies who are possibly too accommodating and positively want you to eat meat because they don't want to impose their views on you. So obviously it takes all sorts. However I still feel much more respect for vegans than I ever would of a vegetarian.

When it comes down to it though the OPs question has more to do with the expectations of the role of the guest and the host I think than vegetarianism per sey.

Oh and I'm an omnivore (as humans were designed) meat is only part of my diet. If you want to pick fights then I think as a semi committed vegetarian I would just consider you to be a picky eater. I really think getting into name calling is unhelpful, and that a lot of the reason why vegetarians are not perhaps treated with the respect they would like is that underlying disagreement about whether or not it is acceptable to eat meat. If you are broadcasting that you have an ethical reason why you think eating meat is a bad idea then you are telling everyone that does eat meat they are wrong and bad for doing so. Don't be surprised if it gets people's backs up!

Dreyfus - fair point - I am a very, very bad veggie in fact an improper veggie - a differentiation I make sure my kids understand as I don't want them to think proper vegetarians eat dead fish or crustaceans.

Hadn't thought about the live eating version, but they might wiggle a bit too much (eyoowhee).

My DH and DD were shocked when we visited proper vegetarian relatives and had a brilliant proper vegetarian Sunday dinner - it was lovely. DD doesn't realise that she eats veggie meals at least 4 times a week when DH works late though - I will turn her, I will, I will, I allowed her too much free will!!!! MWAHAHAHA!

nooka ((((HUGS))))

Where's your sense of humour? Or do you have issues about eating corpses and taking responsibility for the death that has to occur in order to enable people to eat flesh, even fish and crustacean flesh?

I'm sleeping now and will view the thread in the morning. There isn't enough space here to explain why I am a fussy, uncommited vegetarian who agrees with certain aspects of vivisection and thinks that the government was MAD to ban fur farms in this country. But if your would like me to go into all of that personal opinion please feel free to start another thread and we can discuss it all...we could even pick a fight if you like, something that was unintentional with my last posts

Needless to say we AGREE on the original OP and that the concept of host and guest was the issue.

If I visited Saudi Arabia, I would not expect to take alcohol with me, as it would be offensive to my hosts. Why take flesh into a vegetarian household, where people are not happy about that decision?

Please sleep easy and without anger, as I will now Do you really care that much about what peple do and do not choose to eat, as long as it doesn't affect your life, as the OP's life was being affected by others' choices?

Oh bb I wasn't angry/upset at all! Just responding to Spidermamas complaint about why the disrespect.

I am not bothered about other peoples eating habits so long as they don't try and preach to me, or complain about what they have been given to eat (or what I am eating I guess).

dh says I have inherited food fascism from my mother, and he's probably right I don't have any issue with eating animals as it happens. I am concerned with their quality of life and death, but can quite easily look at a lamb in a field and think how sweet, and lamb chops at the same time. I don't feel any particular need to do the slaughtering myself, so like you I have only caught, killed and eaten fish.

just read the whole thread and am amzed at the disresepct for vegetarians.

1. it is possible to live without meat. We're all being told to eat less and its hideously unenvironmental to eat the stuff
2. all meat eaters do eat veggies dishes - toast and cereal for breakfast, beans on toast etc etc so they aren't going to starve.
3. Your home, your rules.

I'me vegan for ethical and enviro reasons and feel sick at see bits of dead animal raw or cooked. When the in-laws visit (and thank god they only stay a few hours) buy organic cow milk for them cos FIL is a big fusspot but I'd never buy meat.

I also hope meat stops being subsidised and people have to pay the true cost. Then less would be eaten which would be a good thing and better for people's health. so ner

Imho:

Expecting your visitors to eat what you provide (unless in the case of allergies) is eminently reasonable. So as long as you are cooking and planning, YANBU.

Noone is going to die from not eating meat for 5 days. Human beings can survive without eating at all for longer than that. We are not such delicate plants.

Expecting your guests to cook a unfamiliar diet, or go shopping for a different diet (unless briefed in every detail), is a totally different matter. Lots of people would find that very off-putting. So if you want them to respect your diet, you do need to provide such regular and filling meals that they do not need to do any self-catering. Otherwise YABU.

All it takes is to graciously turn down any kindly offers of help- and you should be fine. But if you expect them to work in your household and take responsibility for planning meals, then the whole your-house-your-rules things goes out the window IMO.

You are either a guest or a member of the household. You decide what you want your relatives to be.