To object to guests bearing meat

[stinkymonkey]

OK, so this is the situation: I have been vegetarian for about 25 years. DC both veggie, DP is not, but I do most of the cooking so effectively he eats veggie at home. Meat/fish never usually cooked in our house. Very occasionally I have cooked meaty sausages for a guest, but only about 3 times in the last 10 yrs.

Family live far away, so visits usually involve staying for about 4/5 days. Very often, they will bring meat, so I will open up my nice meatfree fridge to see some skanky ham poking out. The worst time was when MIL was on some kind of salmon-heavy diet, and made the whole house stink like cat food. My mum has just been here and has obviously been cooking meat because I could smell it when I turned on the oven.

What is wrong with people that they can't go without meat for a few days? Why does nobody think that, as a veggie household, we might object to meat being cooked here? Does this happen to any other veggies?

Family guests usually babysit, so I am trying to be forgiving, but this is really starting to piss me off.

The point is your right to find something offensive ( meat in your fridge) impinges on my right to find 5 days of quorn shepherd pies downright turgid.

there HAS to be compromise.

No one is asking you to provide meat.

Guests bringing their own is a REASONABLE compromise

But only if it is a cook for yourself type of visit. If anyone brought food along with them (except if it was a gift or they were on a special diet) I would be offended because of the implication that I wasn't going to feed them well enough. I would need to talk to them about that to try and make sure they didn't feel so hungry they felt the need to get out the frying pan. Having said that my dh often brings extra supplies to my parents place because my mother does not like snacking, and he often feels the need for an extra something. However we do keep this secret from my mother as she would not be happy. When he was a body builder and ate six meals a day (all with meat) she did not enjoy him visiting at all!

I have a feeling that PILs bring meat when they visit so that their dear son gets to eat some, since the evil DIL doesn't cook properly for her

Does OP's DH eat the meat cooked by these visitors? If he does, I have to say this has little to do with guests being rude by bringing their own food, but much to do with MIL wanting to cook foods her DS likes.

surely cooking flesh is rude in the house of a veggie. I think I'd be sick in the pan.

Jasper- do you have any idea how whingy and spoiled you sound? I am a corpse cruncher/ mutton muncher/ fish fresser as much as the next person, but I am hopefully mature enough not to whinge at the mere idea of not being given meat to eat for five days. Meat is a luxury for anyone, not a three meals a day staple. Of course Quorn does not taste like real meat, but it is an attempt to provide dishes in a meat-like format potentially more acceptable to whingy people unwilling to try anything new.

Geez, it's not as if we are one of those south seas islands finches, finely evolved to deal only with one type of seed. We are the most successful and adaptable species on earth. We can eat practically anything. I find this obsession with being provided with exactly the food one is used to to be toddler-like in its self-centredness.

I actually think it's a bit off to ban meat from your house when not everyone who lives in the house is vegetarian. I would not accept that from anyone I was sharing a house with as I think if you're that precious about other people's diets you can live alone.

Personally I expect my visitors to hop on their right leg only in my house. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask them to respect my lifestyle in my home!. It won't kill them to hop for a few hours or days while they are here.

They only have to hop to a chair anyway so it's no big deal. Surely anyone can hop for a little while? I don't understand people who say visitors have the right to walk on both legs and claim it's somehow 'natural'
It's just selfish and inconsiderate in my opinion and I won't stand for it. I will have to hop on this carpet after they have walked on it. Walkers make me want to throw up!

I've always hopped on one leg and my DCs have taken to it with no problem. Of course if they decide to use both legs when they are older that's up to them, but not in my house.

My DP wasn't a hopper when I first knew her, but has accepted it now and only 'walks' when outside and out of my sight.

isn't this thread all a bit of an over reaction. They have no idea they are offending you I suspect (the in-laws at least)

Just ask them (or get DH to ask them) nicely not to bring meat into the house if it offends you that much.

onager - you're just showing yourself up.

(Sorry but Onager )

YANBU to object to them but YABU to get all annoyed not having said anything to them.

If it bothers you then say something and if they still persist then I am behind you all the way, but at least give them a chance....

I think it's very rude to bring meat into a veggie house.

LOL Onager. Trouble is that the two sides in this will never really see eye to eye (except in compromise and that's more to do with getting along). Omnivores don't think that eating meat is wrong, so they really don't understand/agree with the principe that sits behind many vegetarians lifestyle choice. They just see the lifestyle choice, and don't see why they should have to be subject to it. Vegetarians on the other hand think omnivores are doing something fundamentally wrong. It's not surprising that this causes friction.

The problem though is that it isn't a veggie household is it? The op's dh is a meat eater.
Also isn't the whole point of hospitality to be hospitible? It isn't as if they want to take drugs, just eat meat which you dont have to pay for.

Its all very well being vegetarian but there will always be meat eaters and if we were all veggies, farm animals will have to go extinct.
I bet if a group of veggies were stuck on a desert island and there was hardly any food apart from some sea birds and fish.
They would soon start to eat meat again, just a matter of survival.
Its only because we have the luxury to choose in a developed country. I bet some starving Africans would love to eat anything they were given.
Sorry, but i don't believe in vegetarianism and even less in Vegans.
My DDs know exactly where meat comes from and what happens.

To be clear I don't eat meat but don't believe it is 'wrong' just have made the choice not to do so myself.

A lot of vegetarians get quite a hard time as we are all tarred with the fanatical brush - I don't impose my views on anyone and expect the same in return but I have found a lot of meat eaters instantly on the defensive with me and challenging my decision.

I personally would not have a problem with someone bringing meat into my house although I am a bit paranoid about tracking things that have come into contact with it when raw. But I would expect them not to bring it with them if I asked them not to, or even to ask my permission if my feelings were known to be strong about it (which they are not).

The same would be true I imagine if anyone were to take alcohol to a non-drinking household. There are good reasons why they may not want you to and even if it is just their preference then the one place they are entitled to impose that on others is within their own home.

why would farm animals have to be extinct? We don't eat sparrows and there's shit loads of them.
I don't choose my diet based on the rather unikely event I'll be trapped on a desert island either. If that happenend I'd eat anything naturally.
You don't believe in vegans Ripeberry. We exist though

tarred with the fanatical brush>> That is unfair really, but it's because most vegetarians just get on with it. You mostly only hear from those few who take it very seriously so it gives a false impression.

Same reason ISP forums are full of people complaining. No one bothers to post unless they have a problem so it looks like everyone does.

farm animals have to be extinct>> maybe extinct isn't the word, but if we all stopped eating meat no one is going to keep looking after the sheep etc are they. The sheepfarms would be used for crops instead and there'd be no more lambs except in zoos.

Bohemianbint >>onager - you're just showing yourself up>>
Actually I'm having a bit of fun while also making a point. I can take a bit of disapproval so it's ok.

I had an argument with my dh about this the other night. I think that vegetarianism is a bit half baked to be quite honest, and think if you really don't think eating meat is right then becoming a vegan is the only way to go. This is because of the animal products that most veggies do eat, principally dairy products and eggs (and also wearing leather). I can quite understand having a distaste for eating dead animals (although my innate food fascism makes me feel this is being fussy), but think if you belong to the eating meat is wrong line of thinking then I don't see how you could drink milk etc, knowing that the byproduct of the dairy industry is calves, most of whom are sold for slaughter, and the by product of the egg industry is old hens, most of whom are killed (and probably turned into pet food I would guess). So I don't understand how that circle gets squared, unless it's just a feeling of "personally I just can't stand eating meat, but I am happy for other people to do so" sort of thing?

I can understand the I will only eat an animal I have personally killed thinking more easily I guess. dh said that he thought there might be cases where animals weren't killed in the dairy or egg business, but surely this would be heavily advertised as I can't believe it would be in any way economic, and farmers are principally businessmen (and mostly struggling at that).

As to whether the world would be a better place if all humans became plant eaters, I'm not at all sure. There is a lot of land that is currently producing cattle or sheep that would not be suitable for agriculture (think hill farms or prairie), and you do need a lot more volume to be a plant eater than a meat eater. I'm not sure there is the evidence on this one yet.

A friend of mine is vegetarian and I wouldn't expect her to cook meat for me.

Staying for 4/5 days though I must admit I would miss a ham sanwdich or a roast dinner and would probably offer to buy it and cook it thinking that it would be unfair for you to do it.
Honestly, staying for a few days, it probably would not have crossed my mind that that would be out of order. I would have asked you beforehand though.

They don't do it to annoy you, maybe if you told them that you feel so strongly about it that you actually find it offensive and smelly they might reconsider.

You won't change people's views and habits in a few days, some meat eaters don't feel satisfied until they have had meat in their meal.

But then again, I have banned people from smoking in the house because it smells and I do not change that rule even for people who stay over a few days, not even for parties or special days like christmas/new years.
And I would find it really offensive if someone smoked.

It's your house, at the end of the day you do what you want in it. Overall I don't think YABU.

Completely agree with Sunnygirl that there are some obvious compromises.

1. Eat in a restaurant one evening
2. Get a takeaway one (or even 2) evenings

I'd also suggest your dp goes and buys some ham, cooked chicken, etc. & places it in an opaque container in the fridge for those with meat starvation. Let people know they don't need to bring ham, etc. as you will be providing it.

I think you are right to ask people not to cook meat in the house if the smell upsets you. You and your dp need to make this clear to your family.

I was a veggie for about 7 years, now lapsed, and in my experience people just like winding up vegetarians so you'll have to stick to your guns about this. How does your dp feel about it?

at the risk of repeating myself...

THEY HAVE NO IDEA THEY ARE OFFENDING YOU, ASK THEM TO STOP

They aren't psychic.

Kewcumber - you are right. Communication is key - if the OP's relatives realised how much it was upsetting her, surely they'd be willing to compromise, at least.