To object to guests bearing meat

[stinkymonkey]

OK, so this is the situation: I have been vegetarian for about 25 years. DC both veggie, DP is not, but I do most of the cooking so effectively he eats veggie at home. Meat/fish never usually cooked in our house. Very occasionally I have cooked meaty sausages for a guest, but only about 3 times in the last 10 yrs.

Family live far away, so visits usually involve staying for about 4/5 days. Very often, they will bring meat, so I will open up my nice meatfree fridge to see some skanky ham poking out. The worst time was when MIL was on some kind of salmon-heavy diet, and made the whole house stink like cat food. My mum has just been here and has obviously been cooking meat because I could smell it when I turned on the oven.

What is wrong with people that they can't go without meat for a few days? Why does nobody think that, as a veggie household, we might object to meat being cooked here? Does this happen to any other veggies?

Family guests usually babysit, so I am trying to be forgiving, but this is really starting to piss me off.

By nbee84 on Mon 17-Nov-08 22:31:28
wannaBe - you say that nobody needs to have pork, but equally nobady needs to have meat.

I do. I need to eat 100grams of protein per day otherwise I would become very ill within a few days. I mostly get this from meat, fish and eggs. I haven't yet found a protein shake or supplement that doesn't taste like shite. I also struggle with digesting carbohydrates and fibre - believe me the consequences are not fun for anyone!

This is not due to some faddy idea but a bona fide medical reason. So I guess I wouldn't go for more than a day's visit to a vegetarian's house

By nbee84 on Mon 17-Nov-08 22:44:34
But how many meat eaters eat only meat - and no potatoes/veg/pasta/bread etc

me again, lol
I eat very very minimal amounts of potatoes/veg/pasta/bread etc ie a less than a tablespoonful a day or something. Bread is maybe a slice every few weeks.

and yes, I do have to take lots of supplements

because it's argument for arguments sake. What are the chances of someone having a "principled" aversion to fruit
as opposed to a dislike?

YANBU at ALL!!!!!!! God, how irritating.

I am not veggie, but acknowledge it is a far superior lifestyle choice - in almost all ways.

So, they should be grateful for this short vacation from animal products their bodies simply do not need, IMO! x

Needmorecoffee. I've read some pretty disrespectful things said of meat eaters too.
FWIW I didn't think this thread was really about whether or not we need to eat meat which obviously we don't or the virtues of a vegetarian diet.
I thought it was about how visitors to our homes should be expected to behave and on that note Cory's post at 08:52 makes a great deal of sense and I agree.

On a more embarrassing note my Dh once gave some vegetarian friends who turned up unexpectedly spaghetti bolognese. I was at work and he had found it in the freezer and thought it was made with quorn which it was. But I had also added some bacon and cooked it all in the bacon fat. They didn't notice and when I found out when I got home I saw little point in telling them as they had already eaten it.

I did have one thought though. How would those of you who won't have meat in the house cope if your dcs decided as teenagers that they wanted to eat meat? This happened to the vege friends I mentioned. They weren't as anti meat as some of you are so it wasn't really a huge problem in their house...they didn't mind meat in the fridge or bits of corpses on their wok!!!! But for those of you who do what would you do?

fgs no-one has said that people will die if they don't have meat for 5 days. But if meat is an important part of your diet then it is difficult to go without it. In the same way as it would be difficult to go without fruit for instance. If you went to someone's house where fruit wasn't eaten (say they lived on ready meals and they just didn't have any in the house) you equally would not die, but you would find it hard to be without the fruit you are so used to eating.

And there is a blatant double standard here. If you as a vegy went to the house of a meat eater, you would expect them to cater for you in accoraance with your diet, (and for a non vegetarian this would mean cooking beyond the norm as you can't really serve up a plate of roast potatoes and vegetables and call that a proper meal), but if a meat eater came to a vegy's house then the meat eater would still be expected to eat in accordance with the vegy's diet. Why is it so unreasonable to expect to be given the same courtesey?

Fwiw we don't eat much red meat, once a week if that, so it wouldn't bother me to go without red meat. But we do eat a lot of fish and chicken, and I would find it very hard to go without those. And I think that that would make my stay less pleasant - food is after all a very important part of hospitality.

Wow, this has really rumbled on overnight. It's interesting, and a real revelation to me that some people seriously think they couldn't last 4 days without meat.

The only reason I never asked guests not to bring meat before they arrive was because it never occurred to me that they would.

Thanks for all your responses (even the nasty ones), I do feel a lot more chilled about it now.

Im so sorry- and its way off the mark, but everytime I see this thread title in active convo's I imagine male guests rudely wandering around the house with their todgers on display.

sorry.

I haven't read the whole thread, but I'm with wannaBe. Why is it that "not" do

In the same way that DP and I don't really drink spirits much but I always make sure we have some whisky in when my father visits or whatever I know is a guest's favourite tipple.

I never understand why people who don't do something get precedence - live and let live I say.

Actually, omnivores given a vegetarian-only diet for 4/5 days might well have upset stomachs, simply because they will be consuming far more pulses and far more cellulose than they are used to.

Surely there's a compromise that can be had in the OP's situation.

If her family are staying for 5 days, they could go out to eat once - she has already said that her dh eats meat outside the home and I gather she doesn't have a problem with being there whilst that happens, so a meal out would enable people to have their choice of veggie/non-veggie meal.

Then perhaps another night could be a chinese takeaway - again offering a variety of dishes so people can have their own choice of meal, whilst the hostess has not had to end up with the smell of cooking meat in her oven and cookware.

That would then leave three main meals to be catered for by the OP - and honestly, I could think of three vegetarian meals that all would enjoy - broad bean and lemon risotto one day, a lovely veggie lasagne the second day, and mushroom stroganoff the final day.

Perhaps it might also be a reasonably acceptable compromise for the OP within this arrangement if her guests bought some cooked meat to have in lunchtime sandwiches, as the cooked meat would not leave a smell/taint in the cookware or fridge (if properly stored). That said, one of the nicest sandwiches that I have eaten recently was given to me by a veggie friend, and contained vegetarian cheese, tomato, tomato chutney, lettuce, cucumber, chilli and red onion. It was utterly delicious!

Would you go to a temple where leaving your shoes at the door is required, and say, nah, fuck you, I wear shoes so that's that?

It's all about respect - and if people really don't understand that veggies aren't just being fussy, and can't eat meat out of politeness then really, they should read more books.

Don't intend to get into the YABU/YANBU argument, but curious - stinkymonkey, did you choose this lifestyle after you left home? clearly your mum is left in sole charge of your kitchen catering for herself whilst you are out, and is obviously just continuing the lifestyle she lived when you were a being brought up by her - ie cooking meat. did she cook vegetarian food for you when you lived at home? have you ever discussed your principles with her? it does seem as though this is a lifestyle which you have adapted to since leaving the parental home (as obviously your mum does not recognise your rules) and your parents and ils obviously have no idea/ or are out to prove a point. if it's point proving, don't leave them to cater for themselves whilst you are out - if it's 'no idea' then you have to sit down and brief them about your principles so that they can make up their own mind about whether they make extended visits or not.
most of the veges i know are quite happy to cook meat for their guests - that's not a criticism, just that their view is equally as vaild as theirs, and if you have not made your views explicit to the people you were brought up by, then your in-laws have no chance really.

Just wanted to say that the environmental arguments trotted out by vegetarians and vegans is always so one sided. They always conveniently never mention facts such as rice agriculture is possibly the biggest source of anthropogenic methane: Rice paddies cover about 130 million hectares of the earth's surface, of which almost 90% are in Asia, and emit 50 to 100 million metric tons of methane a year. Most of this methane is derived from rice photosynthates excreted into the rhizosphere.

So if one is going to spout environmental concerns regarding meat production, please balance it with the environmental impact of non-meat agriculture production.

Yes, because only vegetarians eat rice

Oh, yabu, you are a bit precious, arent you?

So let me get this straight.
You are a vegetarian (but your dh isnt) and when people come to your house for a few days, you expect them to cook only veggie food for themselves? Is this to "honour" your lifechoices or what?

I wouldnt know how to cook one single veggie meal. I can do vegetables on the side, and couscous and rice, to accompany meat, fish or poultry.

I dont even fill up from just eating veggie food, my system is not accustomed to it.

Food control-freaky.

What a refreshing post from Lucy87.
I am a veggie, and seem to be constantly defending myself or fending off attacks.
It's really good to hear nice words from a meat eater.

YABU if you have not asked them not to bring meat.

YABU if you are expecting them to cook for themselves

YANBU if you have asked them not to bring meat and they ignored you

YANBU if you have offered to to cook for them whilst they were there.

That seems quite straightforward. Do I need to read the other 142 posts now?

"It's interesting, and a real revelation to me that some people seriously think they couldn't last 4 days without meat."

You have made a choice to be a vegetarian. Others havent. I fail to see why they should change how they are used to eat just because of you.

Maybe it is not about not managing 4 days without meat.
Maybe they dont know how to cook otherwise?

She's not asking them to cook vegi food Dominion. Her mother is bringing meat and cooking it. Imagine going to stay at a muslim friend's house and saying, "I know you won't have any bacon in, so I brought my own," and proceeding to fill their kitchen with the smell of it cooking in their pan.

KewCumber has a point. If you want them to eat vegetarian food at your home, YOU need to be the hostess and cook for them.

And TELL them that they dont need to bring any food as you have the menu planned and a full fridge.

When I have guests, I cook for them. That way they eat what is in the house.

Actually Romy, I became veggie as a teenager and was very active in the animal rights movement for years. I have mellowed a bit over the years, so I don't go on about it, but fundamentally I am of the 'eating meat is unhealthy and wrong' school of thought.

MY ILs wouldn't know about this because it was before I met them, but my mum certainly does, which is what makes me think that she is doing it to piss me off. She loves winding me up, so I tend to get through her visits with lots of deep breaths, wine and muttering 'water off a duck's back' to myself. I think I will just have to take this attitude to the meat invasion as well.

Kewcumber. You've got it in one.

She expects them to cater for themselves, combustible.

If I go to a muslim friends house, I expect him/her to cook for me. I dont bring with me halal cookery books.

If I go to a veggie friends house, I expect to be fed, I dont bring veggie cook books and prepared to learn how to cook with pulses and lentils and soy.