To not give a stuff who stays and who goes?

[AMumInScotland]

Mumsnet is not a private members club, it's a public forum. I'm sad if people feel they have to go because of stalkers or other personally-directed unpleasantness, because that is unpleasant and not what forums are meant to be about.

But if people want to leave because things are not the same as they used to be when there were only a dozen people, and you could leave your door open all day, and it was all fields round here .... well, off you go then!

Change happens, deal with it.

Cod has left.....?????? Really?

I've been here since 2002 and like all things I go through phases of not visiting for months and then will become addicted for a few months etc...a bit like the archers !Certainly there are people that I remember from the old days (I remeber following your ds's birth prufrock)and people that you don't see anymore ,but its also nice to chat to new people ,I find it odd though that people announce that they are leaving I don't think of it as something I would ever leave ,just find that I don't visit as much,a bit like toddlers sudenly you find that life has moved on to another stage.

I find mumsnet a huge source of information and I use it mostly for that ,for example today I am wrestling with should ds3 have a ds and what do you know I turn to mumsnet and there is a thread on the very thing!

I do think that is a bit of a harsher place but wonder if that is true of the internet in general but I have still not found another forum in which I feel so comfortable .What I love actually is the anonymity ,I don't want to get to know the other members in real life as then I would have to deal with the real me ,I like to be able to discuss things adn get advic e in the without the hang ups of seeing people in RL who will then judge you,I have posted things on here that I would never tell RL friends

what tigermoth said

Ok maybe I am a bit dim but why would MNHQ have the passport ID of a supposed troll? Genuine Q as I am confused.

When you have young children and are at home a lot t'internet is a great place to come & chat. Of course it is. But I suppose as peoples children get older and you are needed less, RL takes over and the place you once went to has moved on.

There are no losers here, MN is like a gap year, you travel meet loadsa people and then you come back to earth with a resounding bump and find other things or forums that take up your interest.

TopBitch, you may end up being the new Cod/Twiglett/Lav. Who knows?

To those who were asking about Cod - I wasn't around when it happened, but I understand that there was a real-life person who knew Cod and made actual threats towards her and her family, on the basis of information they had got from posts on here. Cod therefore decided for safety that she could no longer post on here.

I think this discussion is very interesting and shows that people come on her to post for very different reasons and with different expectations.

Some post to keep in touch with posters who they have known on the boards for a while and maybe have met IRL.
Some post to have a connection with people who have similar situations in their life, and
some post as 'professional' bulliten baord masters!

I have to say I don't miss cod (a self styled BB master) - I mean I'm sorry that she and her family were threatened, but did we really need someone who couldn't spell (at all), (and never bothered her barney to get a spell checker), seagull posting all over the threads like it was her personal playground and she could say what she liked without respecting others.
Not that I read cod's posts after a while TBH, my life's too short for people who are deliberately (and self importantly) obtuse - I just skipped them: ditto the Passive Aggressive Flouncing and Goodbye threads.

And those amongst us who yawn and roll their eyes at P&T parking spaces threads etc... hang on a minute - what are you actually saying when you say "We've done that already"?

How very peculiar of you to roll you eyes in despair - like you're saying one conversation in 2006 should be the definitive version, no matter that the NEW poster wasn't even a mum then, and that she isn't allowed to explore this phenomenon for herself.

Are you saying she should only look up the archive, and curl up at its feet in supplicatory wonder, reverence and astonishment at your old witty posts, when you discovered that people park inappropriately, and be SILENT?

Really - these threads come up again and again because NEW people have the same questions you had. Why the rolling eyes, and sighs?
Would you tell a younger child that you don't have the patience to teach him how to hold a spoon cos you taught their older sibling ?
Jeepers, think about what you are saying when you post "we've done that already" with your asides..
Is that a friendly, helpful or even relevant attitude? Is it in the best interests of MN and those who sail in her?

I suppose I'm posting here because I'm interested in how things are done in the UK as I might be relocating, (might not, so don't hold your breath) and I like to see how everyone has the same fun and jollies with kids wherever they are.
As it is I'm in Ireland with a different experience to most of you (but in most ways a very similar one).
I have a more republican and egalitarian attitude towards people maybe (no MN 'Royalty' category tolerated by me) . I notice most of the posters who don't tolerate 'Royalty' are Celts also, from Scotland! Sláinte!

It matters not to me if I'm thought as an oldie or as a newbie, and I don't categorise posters on that basis: I've been posting for a few years - I know I find any so called "quiche" that is carved up here pretty much unpalatable

And I don't miss any oldies / newbies who have self importantly Flounced - maybe it was time for them to graduate and move on - having done it all already!

Leave the door open on your way out

Now, cup of tea anyone? I think we need it after my essay

I don't hold with the royalty thing either, and I'm not a Celt. But I'm married to one! And I was brought up by liberal pinkos.

I now fnd mumnet a rather harsh place to post - everyone seems to be fair game, from timid newbies (troll, troll) to oldies (clique, clique) and this has definitely tarnished it for me.

I have not left, but I post much less, laugh less and find that I am less tempted to wade in with my contribution, whereas before I would have done so unthinkingly.

I think this vaguely passive-aggressive thread is a good example of the current mumsnet 'fuck-em' take on life.

YANBU! I do find Mumsnet great espeically AIBU where I think if you post there expect to be flamed.

The only two people I had noticed that had left was Cod because at least one thread a day has to mention it and Lucyellensmum but she is back.

I thought that posters would welcome newbies just because they will bring fresh threads to talk about?

I have really had to consider whether I want to stay or not. I know there has always been backbiting and bitching, but every now and then the stakes are upped and the usual people get targeted. It all gets very tiresome.

I've had some really terrible rucks with Mumsnetters, harsh words spoken, really strong disagreements about such sensitive topics as abortion, yet those posters have NEVER carried bad feelings onto other threads. They've never alluded to my mental health or made sarcastic jibes and if they come across me on another thread and agree, they say so. I have huge respect for posters like that. But they are now sadly few and far between.

I personally find it insulting and sad when people go on about lunatics and asylums and mental health. Easy targets I suppose.

I think people forget that behind a Mumsnet name is a person. A mother with children who has ups and downs and worries of her own. We all have that in common, we all share the same worries, we all want the same things for our children, some of us even have children the same age. It's so easy isn't it, to throw insults at a Mumsnet name. How would these people be in real life?

I've just had a sabbatical, but I've come back and I really do think I ought to either have a longer sabbatical or just give up.

And for those people who say "oh ffs get a life, it's only a forum!" well yes you have a point, but when you've been on meet-ups with these people, when you've been saved quite a few times by Mumsnet but then been torn apart and had the most awful insults aimed at you and at close friends of yours. It's hard not to be offended, it's hard not to be hurt. I see Mumsnet as a kind of best friend, so the thought of that best friend no longer being there is actually very sad.

for a thread where no one gives a stuff who stays or goes, Cods name comes up somewhat often.....

Dandylioness, maybe you feel if was self-important, but would it not have been more so if I'd gone round the board saying on each thread, oh I'm off for a bit?
And, yes I was back ten days later, because a very good friend of mine had a thread about her DH being an absolute arse and her discovering he had a text relationship going on with another woman. Whether or not I didn't feel MN was the place for me at the time or not, I couldn't not post there.

Like I said though, some people wouldn't be noticed if they left.....

I think it's a different situation when someone has been forced to leave - whatever your views on the individual, the fact that anyone ends up being threatened is always going to leave a bad taste.

Have not read through the whole thread but agree with the OP - I'm quite new to MN and feel like I can contribute to threads if I want to but just lurk and read (or ignore) if not. I hate all this cliqueyness and whilst I can understand those who may have been on MN for years and built up friendships but if they're proper friendships then surely you've got personal emails or other ways to contact each other? I use MN as a place to seek advice and give advice if I can, based on my own experiences but that's it...I take it or leave it and only give my opinion...I try never to judge and never to take things to heart.

VS - is that aimed at me for starting this thread?

No, Amum, I'd notice if you left actually, not straight away, but I'd notice.

Completely agree with Zazen's post.

I hate it when a thread is started and people come on saying its been discussed before...they could ignore the thread if they don't want to discuss it and choose another.

i to am quite new to this mn and i have seen so mean and nasty comments about others which is out of order i feel i come on here to get help and advise it s a good sorce of info i did noitce a "click" as they say i agree with the op some poster have,nt been miss by me that for sure in the first few days i joined it was like omg how can some people be so rude to others when all they are asking for is help and advice

Alright you old trogs. What's happened and whos left? Why won't anyone tell me?

I'm thinking there should be a topic on this.

Mumsnet's has SAD, everyones so and I'm not sure why.

Zazen, Cod comments aside (I never knew her well enough to form an opinion and don't know enough about why she had to leave, doesn't sound very nice though) - I like your post.

I am a newbie (a year or so) and I find that its easy to get jumped on for having differen opinions to the "popular" mumsnetters.

I think that mumsnet "clique" basically uphold the following values/scenarios

breastfeeding, co-sleeping and strict adherance to the current wearning guidelines (fair enough)

but also, (ironically?)

smoking/drinking/swearing as and when you feel like it.
giving children access to cakes and biscuits from an early age (6 months or so)
leaving children in cars at petrol stations (only whilst paying I should hasten to add)
being nice to your MIL (!)

Generally mumsnet seems to respect a laid back approach to parents, but only once that child is 6 months old

When I first posted on here, I used to get really upset that I was told that I was precious about my DD (why shouldn't I be?).

However, I now love mumsnet and its genuinely the only experience I have of people with very different opinions to me, in RL I am just the same as all my friends, which is rather dull.

I think there is a bit of clique but I dont mind that, nor am I part of that. I wouldn't really be able to even name who was. I think its good that mumsnet replicates RL with relationships, not everyone will remember someone and not everyone will like one another. If someone wants to say bye let them (never even noticed any of those posts), not everything has to be relevant or interesting in life.

Mumsnet is my first experience of being ok with people not liking me. In RL I would try too hard to be liked and mumsnet is making me more me...... ahhhh finally said it all.