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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not give a stuff who stays and who goes?

224 replies

AMumInScotland · 30/10/2008 12:46

Mumsnet is not a private members club, it's a public forum. I'm sad if people feel they have to go because of stalkers or other personally-directed unpleasantness, because that is unpleasant and not what forums are meant to be about.

But if people want to leave because things are not the same as they used to be when there were only a dozen people, and you could leave your door open all day, and it was all fields round here .... well, off you go then!

Change happens, deal with it.

OP posts:

Prufrock · 30/10/2008 22:10

And you know what - why the hell can't an internet forum be cliquey? I don't try and stop other people from using mumsnet as they wish, (though I reserve the right to comment on it) so get really quite annoyed at being told that I have to stop using it the way I want to. You can't possibly not have cliques in such a large group- though I do think that when new people make an effort to join a perceived clique (such as the 10/10 threads) then they are welcomed because they have a shared interest. Or do you think that we should all be forced to reply to a certain number of random posts every time we log on rather than gravitate to where we actually want to be?

LittleBellaLugosi · 30/10/2008 22:10

Oh i really want to know who is leaving / has left

I know Cod has - because she was being stalked online?

Who else?

Prufrock · 30/10/2008 22:12

Sorry Miz - cross posted. Yes I would talk to a friend of a friend, or someone who cam up to us and said - I heard you talking about x and I'm really interested, could I join you. But I wouldn't want to or be able to listen to and take part in every conversation going on.

Miyazaki · 30/10/2008 22:18

No, and god, you wouldn't want to either, hmm? Especially Am I pregnant? I'd like it if that one had it's own topic, so I could HIDE IT!

squeakypop · 30/10/2008 22:19

Why can't it be cliquey - not sure how to answer that.

But when new mums come for support, being cliquey is the last thing they need.

Or when midling posters are discussing a semi-serious topic, the last thing they need is a clique derailing the topic with their tittering.

School-girl politics does no one any good.

Miffyinsurrey · 30/10/2008 22:38

So Prufrock what if you needed advice on something, say potty training. Would you only read the replies of those you consider your Mumsnet friends?

I think it is good that there are so many people who use Mumsnet as when I ask for advice on a parenting issue the chances are there will be someone who will have a similar experience and be able to offer suggestions/advice. Sometimes it can be embarassing to talk about things in real life due to feeling that one's child is behind on an issue but on an anonymous forum it doesn't matter what people think.

It sounds as though you use Mumsnet in a completely different way, and have made good friends.

It is good that people can use Mumsnet in many ways.

Feeling rather weary now so am probably waffling on and not expressing myself well..will stop here!

hauntinghippipotami · 31/10/2008 08:53

There is nothing wrong with being cliquey per se, but when the cliques are being rubbed into everyone else's faces (threads hijacked by 'how nice it was to get drunk with you last week' and the endless lists of 'friends'/ 'most popular MNer' it becomes like an infant school playground where the ones who perceive themselves to be popular flount their perceived popularity in everyone else's faces. And that is the bit of cliqueness I don't like.

lowenergylightbulb · 31/10/2008 09:10

I've been MNing on and off since about 2005ish, and it's always gone through phases of 'it's shit now, it was great in the olden days everyone was prettier/funnier...'

I just think that it's all daft, it's insulting to people who haven't left and it's not very supportive/inclusive of newbies.

In summary, the oldies should get over themselves!!

VictorianSqualor · 31/10/2008 09:16

"So Prufrock what if you needed advice on something, say potty training. Would you only read the replies of those you consider your Mumsnet friends?"

Surely that's an obvious answer. No, you wouldn't only read those posts but if you knew a poster had 5 children all potty trained by the age of 2 and they posted then you'd be more likely to take their advice than a newly pregnant first time mum? When you get to know people, you know not only their name, but their situation, their ideals, their niche subjects, and they yours so advice can be more tailored.

I do sometimes wonder if the people moaning about others moaning that others are leaving are just pissed cos no-one would really notice they'd left.

Miffyinsurrey · 31/10/2008 09:21

I'm not moaning about anything am I? I'm happy with Mumsnet!

hauntinghippipotami · 31/10/2008 09:23

miffy - I think that comment was aimed at those well known names who are leaving because all the other well known posters have left and therefore there is nothing here for them anymore...
I don't think it was aimed at you

VictorianSqualor · 31/10/2008 09:27

It wasn't aimed at miffy no, but it wasn't named at the posters who are leaving either.

More all the posters that cry 'quiche' and say that 'newbies' aren't made to feel welcome and whinge about threads with people saying goodbye.

This pub analogy that seems to be floating around, would you expect the people you were drinking with to not say goodbye? Because you had other people to talk to? or because they could call you when they got home and tell you they left?

ladymariner · 31/10/2008 09:34

I'm actually genuinely surprised by how upset some people have got by all this leaving stuff and it's made me personally look at my life and how I use mumsnet within it. I've come to the conclusion that I'm very lucky as I have fabulous friends in RL and to me, mumsnet is a brilliant place to come when I'm on my own or just wanting a place to come and see other people's views, but it's not the be all and end all to my life, which is how some of the posters bewailing the fact others are leaving seem to see it.
However, I can appreciate that if you've been on here a long time and met some of the other posters in RL then you would look on them as friends and be upset that they'd gone, I suppose. But this place isn't "real", it has real issues and is a fabulous place to come for help/advice/chat but it isn't "real".
I do like the fact that I can come on here and chat to loads of people, but there is definately an "in-crowd" so perhaps the more people join then the easier it will be for everyone to have a say, which I know is the reason some of the "old girls" are leaving in the first place!

Dioriffic · 31/10/2008 09:36

Message withdrawn

hauntinghippipotami · 31/10/2008 09:37

Fair do's VS - but surely you would not expect a friend to walk into a pub and say 'goodbye, I won't be back, I don't like the new clientele' ?
Saying goodbye is fine, but to put down new members and citing them as the reason for leaving is not fine.

zippitippitoes · 31/10/2008 09:38

lol at someone leaving the pub then calling you to say theyd left

VictorianSqualor · 31/10/2008 09:44

I don't think most people are slating the newer posters are they? Just saying 'It's no the same for me anymore, I'm, off'

sadbarratthomeowner · 31/10/2008 09:45

MN has so many users now, it seems very impersonal. Years ago, you felt that you got to 'know' the posters and understood their responses/viewpoints. Now there are just too many members to ever have a hope of getting to know people well. It all seems less interesting!!

Anna8888 · 31/10/2008 09:46

I think it's quite understandable that posters get bored after a while on MN - after all, the same issues crop up again and again, and the issues we found fascinating and contentious at first become routine (and we have made up our own mind about them and won't change it ).

asktheparlourmaid · 31/10/2008 09:48

what Anna888 said

Even I sighed at the plethora of P&T parking threads this week.

I think you should key all cars without carseats, by the way.

hauntinghippipotami · 31/10/2008 09:52

Actually vs there have been quite a few posts mentioning 'it has changed, it is not as good as the old days, too many new names' etc.
And by saying 'it has changed' they can surely only imply it is to do with posters - after all posters are all this place has to create the athmosphere / identity.

GColdtimer · 31/10/2008 09:56

lol, I thought this was another thread about the JR/RB debate.

filz · 31/10/2008 09:59

i am pmsl at calling someone at the pub to say you had left
usually what happens is people ring you the day after to ask how they got home and what happened

Beelliesebub · 31/10/2008 10:04

Yanbu..... you're entitled to feel how you like as are others.... and that, I think is the crux of the matter. IMHO some consider their opinion to be far more valid than anyone else's.
I must admit, I've been on here for a couple of years now. If there's ever anything I need info on I normally look it up on here or if I have some spare time I'll have a lurk. I tend to post occasionally and if I'm honest no-one will know who I am BUT a lot of times when I have been lurking, seen a thread and gone to post, started typing and then deleted it because the thought of being attacked by some is really not worth the aggro in the first place......

Wills · 31/10/2008 10:09

So am I an oldie? I've been here 8 years but am terrible at keeping up with name changes etc.

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