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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give a stuff who stays and who goes?

224 replies

AMumInScotland · 30/10/2008 12:46

Mumsnet is not a private members club, it's a public forum. I'm sad if people feel they have to go because of stalkers or other personally-directed unpleasantness, because that is unpleasant and not what forums are meant to be about.

But if people want to leave because things are not the same as they used to be when there were only a dozen people, and you could leave your door open all day, and it was all fields round here .... well, off you go then!

Change happens, deal with it.

OP posts:
hauntinghippipotami · 30/10/2008 20:30

I agree with Amum completely (even if she, on a different last month referred to hippos as slow ugly animals )

It is the constant inferring that those of us who have not left are not fun enough, not clever enough, not wanted. I have been here since 2006 and am starting to feel guilty for ever having joined because apparently it was better in teh old days.

Sick to the back teeth of the wailing and moaning.
And in a way, they (the wailers/moaners/leavers) are proving MN is a quichy place despite the frequent denial of this. Because if they were not quichy then there would not be this wailing about missing old-timers.

Bink · 30/10/2008 20:31

Eloquently put, AMiS. There is more of a feeling of "equal billing" (aside those waily threads, which I so don't accommodate I don't even know where they are) at the moment, as opposed to the Hollywoody Star plus chorus vibe (that bothered me).

That said, I do think Issy's riff on superannuated postgrads was rather starrily spot-on.

noonki · 30/10/2008 20:31

YANBU sick of the ole misty eyed past

is the same in my office when I arrived many years ago they all whine on about how great it was and how dull it had become.

Now they harp back to the good old days when I joined

ScottishMummy · 30/10/2008 20:32

quichy is that like cliquey?is it an in joke for clique?quiche i think cheese and onion-mmm

kettlechip · 30/10/2008 20:32

YANBU. Dare I say it's even a little unhealthy to be so obsessed with an internet forum that it dominates your day? I used to see the same posters on here no matter what time I logged on and think, how on earth do they have the time to reply to every thread and juggle kids, home, work, RL friends, DPs etc??

I totally appreciate how addictive this site can be but try to limit my time on here for the sake of my RL relationships.

hauntinghippipotami · 30/10/2008 20:33

I can't spell clique (that took 3 goes and it became the world for cluqie (see!) on a few threads by others so I sort of stole it...

But cluque(again!) lorraine would be yummy!

ScottishMummy · 30/10/2008 20:37

ah no the king of quiche is cheese and onion

FattipuffsandThinnifers · 30/10/2008 20:37

YANBU. I joined MN after I'd had a child, mainly to get/share advice about looking after children. I like the fact that it's got intelligent, like-minded people on which is why I've stayed - along with getting good advice on children and other things.

But I don't get this 'newbie'/'old-timer' thing. Ermmm... isn't it simply obvious that a parent-focussed forum will get new members as more people have children??

(I'm glad though that custardo is still here - don't know her at all, have never had any discussions with her, but her posts always make me laugh.)

AbricotsSecs · 30/10/2008 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

midnightexpress · 30/10/2008 20:40

YANBU.

All the flouncing is a bit lookatmelookatmelookatmenow

Meh.

Original poster
AMumInScotland · 30/10/2008 20:41

Mmmm quiche.... bacon & leek for me!

Yep, Issy's postgrad analogy is just right - things are nevr as good as they were in "our" day...

Sorry about the hippo insult, BTW - I can't remember what I said now, but I don't think it was personal

OP posts:
hauntinghippipotami · 30/10/2008 20:44

I know it wasn't AMum - it did prompt me to change my name for a few weeks though

All this talk of quiche has made me hungry again....

ScottishMummy · 30/10/2008 20:47

i made quiche once badly eggs didnt set,all gooey.stuff that!trotted straight to supermarket

Original poster
AMumInScotland · 30/10/2008 20:50

Sorry about that hippo....
And I never make quiche, or anything that involves pastry - the shops can provide!

OP posts:
izyboy · 30/10/2008 20:53

YANBU it will probably be a bit less cliquey and therefore less bitchy now. We can have proper discussions without so and so storming over to support her 'mate' (bitter emoticon).

LittleBellaLugosi · 30/10/2008 21:00

OK, can someone give me a list of all the oldies who have left so that I can decide whether I need to leave too?

Prufrock · 30/10/2008 21:03

Change does happen, but one can lament it at the same time as dealing with it.

And I don't think at all that the newer posters are any less intelligent, witty or erudite than the older ones, but the way Mumsnet is now does not allow that to shine through quite in the same way as it did in the "old days" - if you don't believe me take a look at old threads. We used to get 20 posts an hour, so if you wanted to debate something you could consider your response to the 10 previous posts carefully. If you consider a post for longer than 10 minutes now there have been 100 new posts and the debate has completely moved on. I actually think Mumsnet is wittier now - I've certainly LOL'd considerably more than I used to, but I've probably had my opinion changed on something less than I used to.

Love Issy's analogy.

Miffyinsurrey · 30/10/2008 21:27

YANBU - people posting for the first time should be given as much support or as many replies as people who have posted 100s of times.

Also many people have probably simply changed their name. I am already on my second username and will probably change again soon!

When people say they are leaving it is a bit like in the primary school playground when some one says "I'm not your friend anymore" and then they are 2 days later!

I haven't read all the posts of those who have left but am sorry if anyone has been stalked or had an unpleasant experience on Mumsnet.

Wonder where those who leave go?! Another internet forum? How can they resist posting on here!

Prufrock · 30/10/2008 21:51

BUt why miffy? Why should I respond in the same way to someone I don't know from adam as I should to someone to whom I have chatted for 6 years, met in RL and got hideously drunk with? How do I know that the complete stranger shares my views/values at all? tbh I tend to only post on threads my "friends" have posted on, or where there is a specific issue that I think I am experienced in and can offer specific helpful advice.

squeakypop · 30/10/2008 21:57

I suppose it depends on the type of thread the posts are on. If it is one with clearly defined subject or once that is very informational or supportive, then you really should treat each poster the same.

If it is a more chatty thread, then it is understandable that your friendship should shine through.

Miyazaki · 30/10/2008 22:00

Because it is an open forum. If you have an intimate relationship (chatted 6 yrs, met in RL, got v drunk with) then why use MN to play that out for all the world to see when you can email/phone/mms to maintain that relationship?

Prufrock · 30/10/2008 22:04

Because I don't have time to e-mail/phone everyone, and it would tbh be too much effort, and Mumsnet is great for talking to lots of friends at the same time, espscially when they are spread all over the country/world - It's the difference between inviting one of my friends over for a coffee and a chat, or meeting up with a group of mates in the pub.

squeakypop · 30/10/2008 22:05

hence cliquey

ScottishMummy · 30/10/2008 22:06

i dont consider anyone on MN a friend,anonymous names on screen

Miyazaki · 30/10/2008 22:10

So, using that analogy, if you were with a group of friends in the pub, and one of them brought a friend, I am sure you would make an effort to talk to them. If anything else, only out of politeness. And I suppose that's why I think on an open forum a newbies prob should be treated the same way as a recognised name. And tbh, as AMuminScotland said, you can be a regular poster and not at all a newbie (Quiet majority!) and be unrecognised by the listmakers...