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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP and facebook. Again.

181 replies

zephyrcat · 29/10/2008 20:29

AIBU? Possibly.

We had all this once before. DP being a bit over friendly with women he doesn't know adding him on FB. Nothing untoward, just typical ego boosting crap for a middle age man!!

Anyhow, there is a woman who added him because she knows friends of ours. She didn't add me though (hadn't thought of that til now!) She bombarded him with hugs and kisses and best friends crap from various applications. Their chats are just friendly but very 'babe' 'hun' 'xxxxx' and dp doesn't type like that whatsoever until it's her.
I'm a little peeved as his partner and the mother of our children to say the least!

I kicked off a little tonight and asked him to leave his FB page on if he had nothing to hide (he's out tonight) and he did - very reluctantly. This is the conversation they had tonight: (it's her b'day today)

4:13pmMartin
life begins today !!!!!! lol how you doing!!

4:13pmClaire
dying! lol

4:13pmMartin
lol

4:14pmClaire
just about to go into pool! wanna join me? haha

i see u beat me to it! haha

4:16pmMartin
early bird and all that!!!!!! lol

4:16pmClaire
are u calling me a worm????? lol

4:17pmMartin
why you want to be caugh??

4:20pmClaire
haha!!! depends whos doing the catching!!!! lol xx

4:26pmClaire
i didnt beat u yet! lol

4:34pmMartin
i think you might now!!!! lol

4:35pmClaire
i doubt it! lol. be there in a minute! xx

4:38pmMartin
hev's still not happy with us!! she thinks we'er over friendly for just knowing each other on FB???!!

4:40pmClaire
oh i'm sorry martin. i dunno wot to say. its not like we're doing or saying anything wrong! i think she has a serious jealousy problem and its way out of hand. we're not doing anything wrong!!!!!

4:42pmClaire
hope that doesnt offend u....wot i said about hev.

i just have trouble ubderstanding her problem with me. thats all

4:44pmMartin
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND HER ???

4:44pmClaire
dont shout at me!!! lol

i'm on ur side! haha

sorry its causing u problems tho xx

4:45pmMartin
but i'm a bloke and understanding woman isn't my best subject!!! lol

4:46pmClaire
we are very difficult to work out.....i'll give u that! but then again, so r some men! lol

4:49pmMartin
i don't know what to do?? it's all a little OTT i think, but it's all just harmless fun me and you, she thinks there is more to it? ithink??!!

4:52pmClaire
well obviously ...she keeps deleting me! has she got ur password?

have u tried telling her theres nothing going on?

4:54pmMartin
yes, but that not worked very well!!!! lol

4:57pmClaire
oh dear! trouble is, once us women get something stuck in our heads, its hard to shift it! wot do u want to do? i darent add u again if she deletes me. u'll have to add me. but if u wanna leave it, i'll understand xx

5:08pmMartin
i've changed my password!! so we will have to ride out the storm!! lol

So! Am I?

OP posts:
dittany · 29/10/2008 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

akhemsProjectilePeaSoup · 29/10/2008 20:39

ooooh no.. I don't like that one little bit.. she sounds like a shitstirring cow and he's sort of encouraging it :/

ShowOfHands · 29/10/2008 20:39

Oh your wife's so jealous but don't worry I understand you flirt flirt lol lol.

Pathetic. Both of them.

Nip. In. Bud.

She must be deleted.

Original poster
zephyrcat · 29/10/2008 20:40

So you would class it as flirting then, yes? I said that to him and he was saying it wasn't flirting, just chatting and that's 'just the way some people are' - which is right, there are a lot of people on facebook who are very 'hun' and 'xx' on the end of everything BUT To a man you don't even knnow with a family? It's not on is it? I feel like I'm the bad one having a go at them for being 'friendly', which is why I needed the MN jury!!

OP posts:
NumberFour · 29/10/2008 20:40

YANBU
I would be highly f*cked off.

slackrunner · 29/10/2008 20:40

on your behalf

YANBU...at all.

barbie1 · 29/10/2008 20:40

and why so many lol i hate that, lol

mynameisluka · 29/10/2008 20:40

Poor you . Be brave.

alicet · 29/10/2008 20:40

I'm with dttoydto which si what I meant about understanding him being pissed off with you for being jealous if she was an old friend - I meant what they have written is flirty banter and not on it's own a problem. What is a problem is the password changing / secrecy etc and him not just saying 'sorry Claire - my wife isn't happy about us chatting and although we both know she has no grounds to be upset I'm not going to chat to you again'

Its the fact that he is prioritising her feelings over yours that is so f*cking outrageous and unforgivable

BBBeeast · 29/10/2008 20:41

how pathetic - her needing her ego boosting by flirting with a married man and being 'subtle' by inferring you had a jealously problem and he is pathetic by being suckin in and going along with it.

I would be rather ashamed of how pathetic is seems.

you are not reading things into it - this is 'safe' internet flirting and reassuring each other by telling each other there is nothing to be jealous of.

go with your gut feeling and don;t be talked out of it.

Lizzylou · 29/10/2008 20:41

He sounds daft, she sounds like a manipulative hair twirling perky well-kept 40 something piece whith no responsibilities and no morals.
Have met a few.

Kick off, and do what you can to stop scratching her eyes out.

watsthestory · 29/10/2008 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

morningpaper · 29/10/2008 20:41

Unsurprisingly I disagree with everyone else

I don't mind if my partner whines about me to someone else - I whine about him to my friends sometimes

scaryfucker · 29/10/2008 20:41

dtt, I also don't get the feeling there is "something more" going on. I don't think anyone is saying that, including the OP

but if my dh had a convo like that, I would kerb him, pronto

LoolaBoys · 29/10/2008 20:41

The only thing I can think to say to get it through his stoopid male head that it is wrong is 'how would you feel if you read a convo like that between me and another man?'
He is totally wrong

slackrunner · 29/10/2008 20:41

It's completely flirtatious IMO.

morningpaper · 29/10/2008 20:42

she sounds like a manipulative hair twirling perky well-kept 40 something piece whith no responsibilities and no morals

I think you lot are a bit MAD sometimes

alicet · 29/10/2008 20:42

And yes - show him this thread!

Dttoydto · 29/10/2008 20:42

Yes, yes, but ordering him to get rid and deleting her makes it all so much more interesting/challenging...

They're having a flirty/chatty friendship on the web. It's ridiculous and immature but eventually they'll run out of huns and xxxx and get bored. Nothing will have happened.

Is your dp a flirty-type person anyway? I'm imagining he is? In which case you're not going to change who he is and it's probably why you were attracted to him in the first place.

anyway, just trying to put another view across.

Dttoydto · 29/10/2008 20:43

Ah Morningpaper - thank you! I was beginning to think I was the only flirty/chatty hussy around here...

rightorwrong · 29/10/2008 20:43

He pretty much said 'my wife doesn't understand me' pathetic fucker

chunkychips · 29/10/2008 20:43

I would be really angry, not just about the catching of worms bit, but because he's actually discussing you with her and changing his password so he can go on flirting with her sneakily. I would find it humiliating and smash his gob in. YANNNBU

Hadassah · 29/10/2008 20:43

I would find that disrespectful and unacceptable.

dittany · 29/10/2008 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yama · 29/10/2008 20:44

YANBU - he's talking about you behind your back. And to another woman.