DP and facebook. Again.

[zephyrcat]

AIBU? Possibly.

We had all this once before. DP being a bit over friendly with women he doesn't know adding him on FB. Nothing untoward, just typical ego boosting crap for a middle age man!!

Anyhow, there is a woman who added him because she knows friends of ours. She didn't add me though (hadn't thought of that til now!) She bombarded him with hugs and kisses and best friends crap from various applications. Their chats are just friendly but very 'babe' 'hun' 'xxxxx' and dp doesn't type like that whatsoever until it's her.
I'm a little peeved as his partner and the mother of our children to say the least!

I kicked off a little tonight and asked him to leave his FB page on if he had nothing to hide (he's out tonight) and he did - very reluctantly. This is the conversation they had tonight: (it's her b'day today)

4:13pmMartin
life begins today !!!!!! lol how you doing!!

4:13pmClaire
dying! lol

4:13pmMartin
lol

4:14pmClaire
just about to go into pool! wanna join me? haha

i see u beat me to it! haha

4:16pmMartin
early bird and all that!!!!!! lol

4:16pmClaire
are u calling me a worm????? lol

4:17pmMartin
why you want to be caugh??

4:20pmClaire
haha!!! depends whos doing the catching!!!! lol xx

4:26pmClaire
i didnt beat u yet! lol

4:34pmMartin
i think you might now!!!! lol

4:35pmClaire
i doubt it! lol. be there in a minute! xx

4:38pmMartin
hev's still not happy with us!! she thinks we'er over friendly for just knowing each other on FB???!!

4:40pmClaire
oh i'm sorry martin. i dunno wot to say. its not like we're doing or saying anything wrong! i think she has a serious jealousy problem and its way out of hand. we're not doing anything wrong!!!!!

4:42pmClaire
hope that doesnt offend u....wot i said about hev.

i just have trouble ubderstanding her problem with me. thats all

4:44pmMartin
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND HER ???

4:44pmClaire
dont shout at me!!! lol

i'm on ur side! haha

sorry its causing u problems tho xx

4:45pmMartin
but i'm a bloke and understanding woman isn't my best subject!!! lol

4:46pmClaire
we are very difficult to work out.....i'll give u that! but then again, so r some men! lol

4:49pmMartin
i don't know what to do?? it's all a little OTT i think, but it's all just harmless fun me and you, she thinks there is more to it? ithink??!!

4:52pmClaire
well obviously ...she keeps deleting me! has she got ur password?

have u tried telling her theres nothing going on?

4:54pmMartin
yes, but that not worked very well!!!! lol

4:57pmClaire
oh dear! trouble is, once us women get something stuck in our heads, its hard to shift it! wot do u want to do? i darent add u again if she deletes me. u'll have to add me. but if u wanna leave it, i'll understand xx

5:08pmMartin
i've changed my password!! so we will have to ride out the storm!! lol

So! Am I?

liffey - that is the best idea!!

Fancy flirting with another womans partner, a man you don't know just to boost your ego, What a loser.

FWIW my husband thinks your dh behaviour is pathetic.

its not attractive when a man gets so flattered by some silly bint with power struggles and self esteem issues

If zephyr blocks her, he will unblock her and tell "claire" that his wife blocked her, therefore making zephyr look stupid.

Not a good idea.

Linking this post to her wall is a great idea.

Let all her FB buddies see her for what she really is.

I just read that as friendly chat. Nothing amiss imo.

I'm normally one for thinking this type of thing is a bit of harmless fun but that is seriously out of order.

He is belittling you and taking the piss, a bit of harmless (if it is that) chat with a woman is one thing but making fun of your partner/wife in this way is beyond.

I'd be askign him to move out for a couple of days and seriously thinking about the future, respect is the most important thing in a relationship and he isn't giving you any in that conversation!

I feel really angry on your behalf

Yes its disrespectful (sp? im tired!) but talk of linking this thread to her facebook etc?

Completely ott. Sort it out offline.

Facebook is just one huge playground!

fanjolina - even though this man and the woman he is chatting to have never met?

Though I guess I talk to people here about my OH and I have never met you, but that's different really. This is a man discussing things with a stranger which he really should be trying to sort out with his wife, not bitching about online.

So yes, I agree with Shybaby, sort it out with him rather than her.

actually , shy baby you are right. fb is for kids and your relationship is a serious adult matter

If my partner deleted friends off my account I'd be livid and would add them straight back

That convo to me looks like a baffled man, and a man stropping over his wife being controlling

I met my best friend on line, a married man (not facebook, on another forum) we have now been friends for 7 years. If we are in each others towns, we meet up for lunch/coffee and one night he stayed over in the guest room after dinner. We have also met up as famillies and have been to dinner with him and his wife. Never has there been anything untoward, nor would there every be. I love him and his wife

Our convos would prob leave all you with faces like We share our secrets but never ever talk in a sexual way but there is a little flirting

The fact they have talked so openly, knowing you can access it, says nothing is going on. But if you keep on trying to controll him, you what, it might

I would not be happy if DP spent time chatting to women online. DP does have a number of female friends who he has known for over 20 years or so. He also has a number of close male friends. DP and I see them sometimes together and sometimes he goes out to concerts/pub/fishing with them. So am not the jealous type. But the tone of the conversation your DH was having online was disrespectful in that he knows that you aren't happy about the relationship yet makes it all just one big joke.

lol

I'm sorry but I have male friends, dh has female friends, neither of us has a problem with that, but if either of us was involved with that sort of banter with someone we barely knew the other would have the right to be pissed off. It's not particularly the flirting (that's obviously ego massaging) it's the ganging up on zephyr and the fake concern that she might be a jealous type.

They both need to grow up. It's not respectful.

you see I don't flirt with my friends, there's banter yes but not flirtation.
I'd block her, I bet he doesn't even now how to unblock her and if he values his relationship he won't be mentioning her again.
Have you checked his mobile btw ?

jimjam is so right. The fake concern just bites...she is baiting zephyr's DH. Anyone can see that and he takes it hook, line and sinker.
I would send the conversation to the other mutual friends and start my own "secret password" and start talking to other "friends" using the same "harmless" banter.
If the mutual friends don't see the harm in this (and she is rightfully concerned) then they aren't friends.

How daft. YANBU.

On a more serious note: could you really forgive a man who so grossly misuses the exclamation mark? Crimes against the English language, and all that.

Katie, what do you think blocking her will achieve?

Honestly?

He's an adult. He can control his own internet usage. Blocking her will not solve any problem at all.

Because if he unblocks her that would say to me you don't give a shit about my feelings.
I had something similar when I had DD3 aged 7 weeks and DH buying a fucking webcam to talk to some chess geek in China.
It may have been hormones but I was not at all happy, DH's dad had a word and it was stopped immediately.
I actually have no doubt that DH was talking chess and nothing more but the fact that it was upsetting me was enough in DH's opinion to justify cutting contact with the woman.
Of course OP needs to talk to her DP but she also needs to remove this woman's claws from her DP too.

If I were having a truly innocent conversation with a married man and he said his wife wasnt happy, I would immediatly feel too uncomfortable to chat to him any more (she sounds a cow and might have alterior motivations), and I would point out that by talking about her to me he would be betraying her trust. It looks very much as if its them vs you.

BEAT HER! What a total bitch and your right they are very flirty he is a knob.

Do you know his email password by any chance?

Jimjam, there's a vast difference between a genuinely platonic friendship, and merely exchanging innuendo with a virtual stranger you just like the look of.

yanbu wheres the guys loyalties....i realy feel for you,ask him if he would be happy if it was you chatting to a bloke he dont know like that

er isn't that what I said Liffey?

Serious if you have his email address password I can get you into his facebook and then you can change his password or put your email address as the main facebook one and then your see everything thats going on.

Another solution is to send us her name we can all fb message her telling her to stay the fuck away from your DP/DH or else we will throw greggs sausage rolls at her and squirt Fruitshoot all over her.