well am i???????

[Theladyevenstar]

Dp's DS2 is 14 he has not ever been overly excited about seeing dp since I have known him. We last saw him on 19-20th september during which time he muttered maybe 50 words and they were..

Are you renting this home or did you buy it?

Followed by a txt to mummy dearest.

Oh you have a ps3

Followed by a txt to mummy dearest

Oh K has a ferarri bed

Followed by a txt to mummy dearest

Oh Z has a load of new toys

Followed by a txt to mummy dearest

When did you buy V (me) a new camera

Followed by a txt to mummy dearest

He only visited as I had kept on at dp as it was my ds2's 1st birthday.

OOppss should explain DP has 2 ds's from previous relationship, I have ds1 from previous and ds2 with dp.

He didn't bring a card for ds2 which i thought was nasty???

Anyway when dp took him home and came back I said to him whats the bet that dss doesn't contact you until he wants something...so far no contact and never in when dp calls.

Now a month on DP is wanting to take him on holiday with us and I have put my foot down.

Thelady, you have come so far in this thread...please take the next step and with your DP phone SS or NSPCC. DSS mothers reaction seems so bizarre, maybe give her a few days to digest and then try again...but whatever you decide...take action...someone has to.

, have just read this thread, one thing to say, "no 14 yr old should sleep in a bed with an adult" that boys mother has serious problems,withholding medical attention for a child"is abuse" .phone his school ,or better still the social work. i know that your hurt and confused and your hands are somewhat tied ,but i see that you do care for your dss.people should understand this is causing you stress and distress,your all in a difficult situation and theres no easy solution.

Right the situation is as of last night.

DP phoned ex and we went round there, when we got there he began to expain things to her about our concerns. She began to get irate but I stepped in and told her that It was me who had voiced these concerns originally.

I explained that the soiling while she says he does it to get his own way is still not normal for a 14 yr old. I explained that if she was sure it was soley for that purpose he was doing it then she needed to stop giving him his own way (i felt awkward as she is about 16 yrs older than me!!!) and make him realise this was not the way to get what he wanted.

I asked her why she was so against him being assessed and she refused to talk in front of dp????? so he went with ds1 and dss to the park leaving me and her to talk. It seems she is against admitting anything is wrong because she doesn't want him singled out when he already is in school. She showed me his homework book....when the class get say 4 sheets of maths to do he gets 1. I then explained to her that by not helping him she was harming him more. She got quite upset and asked what I would do. I told her that I would contact the dr and ask his help and advice. She again was not too open to this, until I stated if she didn't it was classed as child neglect and I would contact someone myself.

I think you can probably realise I have no fear of voicing how I feel to her and when dp is not around she will listen to me.

The end result is she is going to talk to the family and the school and see where it leads.

The only thing is and this is awful for dp BUT he has had to agree to this....She has insisted he stops calling dss if he wants her to take action and stops asking to visit him.

She says he gave up his rights to be his dad when they split up and thats why she has stopped the visits as much as she can.

I have now told dp to get a solicitor and sort out visitation properly.

That sounds like alot of hard work and some progress.
I think the mum is afraid of the unknown and will hopefully be reassured with help.
Hopefully once things are sorted and settle down she will feel better about everything and more able to do what is best for the child and not be afraid to let him see his dad.

Thelady...well handled...that took alot of guts...
I hope that when things settle abit your DP can find a place in your DSS's life again...what an odd thing for his mother to say! 'He gave up his rights as dad!'
Any chance you can accompany her to the GP/school...so you know whats going on...I mean if DSS mum wants your DP out of his life how will you keep track of whats going on?
Again, good luck.