Dittany, ds1 got a new bed as the old one had been second hand bunk beds and were not the best when i got them. DS2 is 1 and the toys he got were his 1st birthday presents. We don't go out everyday or week and buy them things! only when they are needed. For example ds1 has managed to rip his school trousers and I have not rushed out to buy him more i simply sewed them up. Also, when he visits I bend over backwards to make him feel welcome, As i said i love him dearly and do get on very well with him I don't like his attitude nor his lack of respect for his father.
I assume his mother has something to do with his attitude as when we do get to talk to him she is in the background saying things like "you don't have to go you know, its up to you, you know you are not going to a theme park or getting anything don't you" (not always these things but always something similar.
I I do feel it is very very very odd that a 14 (almost 15) yr old sleeps with his mum. As i said he is built like a man 6ft 2 or more. I have mentioned it to his mum when he tried to get in bed with me 2 1/2 yrs ago when dp was working nights. I made him go back to his own bed and again he soiled the bed and himself. I don't allow my 10yr old into my bed unless he is ill or we are having a movie night and then before he falls asleep he has to go to his own bed.
As for the holiday we only booked it after speaking to his mother and asking if he could come explaining the dates etc she went along with this, we booked in March for xmas and now she has said no he can't come unless we change the dates.
Dittany also I have suggested on more than one occassion that we buy a fold up bed before we moved to this property and before we moved into our previous one (we rent privatly and the furniture in the previous property was the landladies)DP said there was no need. DSS only came to the previous property 3 times in the yr we were there and we had to move as it was far too small (everyroom) for 4 of us, 5 when dss visited.
When he wants to come here or out with us either one of us collects him, or all of us or dp and ds1. He then like every teenager i have seen spends the day with his ipod on.
He was texting his mum the night he came here and telling her what we had bought etc I didn't know until last night when I spoke to dp about it that he had looked at his phone and seen the messages.
I was wrong to say to dp i bet we don't hear from dss until he wants something but that is the case sadly.
And maybe because my ds1 has had a very different upbringing and is an easier child I find this behaviour difficult and don't get me wrong i do have problems with ds1 due to lack of contact from his father.
There are a lot of things he does for attention and I have on a number of occassions pointed this out to his mother and when she saw him hit my ds1 she pulled him up on it and told me to deal with it if it happened again, saying dp never liked to punish or reprimand the dc's.
After dp moved out it seems dss was totally spoilt to compensate ( have done that myself with ds1) and as a result he now makes demands on everyone and knows what to do to get his own way. DP has told me on numerous occassions that is ex always gave far too much attention to material items and money than anything else. In the 22yrs they were together they NEVER had a family holiday, she went with the kids and he went on fishing holidays with his friends. Something else i find odd. So now when we book a holiday I include dss as I do see him as a big part of our family. and every child deserves a family holiday.
However for all my faults as a mother and a step mother, i came into this childs life only 3yrs ago and I am not his parent, he doesn't live with us.
We cannot just pop over to see him (and this is another twist in it all i think that has an impact on dss) as dps mother will not talk to him since he left his ex and that was almost 5yrs ago, she has never seen ds2 other than in the emails I send her, she refused to come to his 1st b'day party saying she was going to india that morning and yet that afternoon when dp took dss home guess who was there??
Dss has said on numerous occassions DS2 is not even my brother my nan has told me so has my mum he is just my step brother. I explained to him ds1 was his step brother and ds2 his half brother. He started crying and told his father he wanted to go home as he had a headache???? I only explained he had been told wrong.
Anyway I am up again with ds2 who has finally dropped off to sleep. so am going for a drink (coffee)