Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Original poster

well am i???????

206 replies

Theladyevenstar · 24/10/2008 22:20

Dp's DS2 is 14 he has not ever been overly excited about seeing dp since I have known him. We last saw him on 19-20th september during which time he muttered maybe 50 words and they were..

Are you renting this home or did you buy it?

Followed by a txt to mummy dearest.

Oh you have a ps3

Followed by a txt to mummy dearest

Oh K has a ferarri bed

Followed by a txt to mummy dearest

Oh Z has a load of new toys

Followed by a txt to mummy dearest

When did you buy V (me) a new camera

Followed by a txt to mummy dearest

He only visited as I had kept on at dp as it was my ds2's 1st birthday.

OOppss should explain DP has 2 ds's from previous relationship, I have ds1 from previous and ds2 with dp.

He didn't bring a card for ds2 which i thought was nasty???

Anyway when dp took him home and came back I said to him whats the bet that dss doesn't contact you until he wants something...so far no contact and never in when dp calls.

Now a month on DP is wanting to take him on holiday with us and I have put my foot down.

OP posts:

Original poster

Theladyevenstar · 25/10/2008 19:42

how is my handling of this crap? I have done all I can the only thing I have stopped is changing the holiday date as I have already cleared it with school and dps ex was meant to have done this.

OP posts:

exasperatedmummy · 25/10/2008 19:44

Christ evenstar, you really DO have a problem with this boy don't you?? Did you not have another thread talking whinging about him coming on holiday with you and DP?

StewieGriffinsMom · 25/10/2008 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

exasperatedmummy · 25/10/2008 19:46

apologies, i have the OP mixed up with someone else.

mooog · 25/10/2008 19:52

I can't see why you would post what you did, asking mn's if you are being unreasonable and when you get everone saying YES then you are arguing that you are right and the 14yr old boy is causing you all this hassle. I wouldn't be surprised if you think he soils himself just to upset you.
I think dss needs some professional help as do you

PsychoAxeMurdererMum · 25/10/2008 19:54

this is you title

"Am I being unreasonable? : well am i???????"

I have said this, and will say it again

YES YOU ARE!

ruddynoraaaaaaggggggghhhhh · 25/10/2008 20:03

'Now a month on DP is wanting to take him on holiday with us and I have put my foot down.'

that's in your op. so what's changed? you're making it up as you go along. one minute it's your dp wanting the holiday, next it's you that wants it, then it's your dss's mum stopping it.

whatever. you sound awful.

nooOOOoonki · 25/10/2008 20:11

and you havent answered me about your DH being a useless father - what his 14 yr old is pooing himself and he hasnt looked into it. Why not? what possible reason can he have for not?

mooog · 25/10/2008 20:13

Do you realise how you are coming across to everyone reading this??? I am sure you think we are all being unreasonable and that we dont understand. The thing is, is that you have stated all the facts and everyone still thinks YABU.
That is EVERYONE.
If we can see how unreasonable you are being with dss, then you can guarantee that dss can FEEL how you feel towards him.
Can you not understand how all this is affecting him?

Original poster

Theladyevenstar · 25/10/2008 22:02

and you havent answered me about your DH being a useless father - what his 14 yr old is pooing himself and he hasnt looked into it. Why not? what possible reason can he have for not?

I would agree that with dss he is far from the best father, In fact I have told him on many occassions how he needs to change his ways. I will in his defence say that he has tried maybe not hard enough as I still make sure he calls to invite dss on days out. I can say that with ds's here he is great. And yes I can see how this will affect dss and have told dp about it. I will not walk out of my home so dss doesn't feel left out it is something dp needs to sort out.

You think I am being unreasonable towards him and I wish you could actually see how things are. I probably do sound harsh towards him but I do not see why I should treat him any different to my other ds's. Ok he should have something more than an air mattress but at the moment thats all we have. Even before we moved here 7 weeks ago he did not visit unless we were going somewhere that cost a lot... £100 to me is a lot, for a day out without including petrol, food etc. If it was just 1 child then ok but it isn't there are 3 to consider (dps ds1 is 23 so a bit past days out)

The split between dp and ex was not an easy one by all accounts, the relationship had been over for 10yrs or more (ex's words) and they both met other people. DP then moved out of the family home, the relationship he went into didn't work out and he was on his own over a yr when we met.

I do try to include dss as much as I can however there is only so much i can do with a child who is angry with his father.

OP posts:

StewieGriffinsMom · 25/10/2008 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Theladyevenstar · 25/10/2008 22:17

Stewie to me it seems he has learnt that this gets a reaction and with his mum ends in him getting what he wanted in the first place. I did ask my health visitor for advice and suggested he came along to the surgery with us so she could have a chat with him "in passing" about the lo and other things.

OP posts:

PsychoAxeMurdererMum · 25/10/2008 22:17

you know what, going on your posts, your DP is an utterly useless father.......are you not worried about how he is parenting the other boys?????

Original poster

Theladyevenstar · 25/10/2008 22:21

Psycho not at all, he is a great dad to our 2 ds's and with an adoption in process dp is ds1's dad if not father.

I do agree he is not great with dss but I cannot change that

OP posts:

StewieGriffinsMom · 25/10/2008 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

StewieGriffinsMom · 25/10/2008 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PsychoAxeMurdererMum · 25/10/2008 22:26

in that case, tell him he NEEDS to get his act together regarding his DS, and sort this out.

this is xtremely worrying

and surely extremely embarrassing (even if he claims otherwise, this lad will must be mortified that this is happening to him, as believe me, no NT 14yo would use this as a 'pay back' to parents.....they would use other ways to get back at their parents).

I cannot believe that he has been allowed to continue with this without someone outside getting involved. he is seriously disturbed.

are you sure there is no abuse going on somehwere????

Quattrocento · 25/10/2008 22:28

I'll believe you've got your stepson's best interests at heart when you start treating him like a son.

So for instance

Inviting him on holiday with you
Buying him a bed
Making it clear to him that his home is with you
Ensuring he gets the psychological and medical care he so clearly needs
Not demonising him for the toilet problem

jammi · 25/10/2008 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Theladyevenstar · 25/10/2008 22:31

Psycho not near us
although i do find it odd his mother sleeps in a bed with him and always has since he was 8 or 9 and dp then had to sleep in another room

OP posts:

mooog · 25/10/2008 22:34

TheLady.....Do you believe your dss soils himself as a sort of retaliation?

PsychoAxeMurdererMum · 25/10/2008 22:35

well, in that case, and if you care for him as much as you claim, then YOU get him checked out and helped.

someone needs to step in for him, and stand up for him.....and make sure he feels loved and wanted.

you are the person.......

so please

do it.

imagine this could be your son.....and it could be. you have no guarantee that your DS2 (your baby boy), will not be step parented in the future. imagine that your DSS is in fact your son. would you not move heaven and earth to get him some help???

please help him. he needs someone!

Original poster

Theladyevenstar · 25/10/2008 22:37

psycho, lol I know ds1 and ds2 will never be step parented. If dp and i don't stay together I will stay HAPPILY alone

OP posts:

mooog · 25/10/2008 22:38

Did you mention one of ds's being dp's ?

Original poster

Theladyevenstar · 25/10/2008 22:41

Moo
ds1 is mine from a previous relationship, but still classed as ours and ds2 is ours together biologically.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Swipe left for the next trending thread