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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be slightly irritated by the parent who never responds to any of our class rep letters

155 replies

gameboy · 05/10/2008 22:49

I am class rep for DS1's class. Think I'm fairly low-level - not in-your-face sort of mum.

Lovely class - all mums very friendly. We do the usual stuff - occasional coffees, christmas night out, school fair, etc

All mums except ONE have given e-mail addresses for contact, which obviously makes it easier to organise stuff, as I work part-time, and am not always at the school door. The one who hasn't just gave us her mobile.
OK, I respect someone's right to privacy, so whenever I send an e-mail out to the group, I print out a copy, put it in an envelope and send it via the school. And, if it's a coffee morning etc I've sent her a text reminder too.
It's a bit of a pain, but I wouldn't mind except for the fact that she has NEVER replied or acknowledged any of my notes, invitations, or requests for help - not even to say, sorry, no I can't come/help.

It's as if it's just disappearing into a black hole!

It happened all last year for the last class rep, and now it's just beginning again this year.
I've just been sitting here printing out a class list to send her (went via e-mail to everyone else) and I'm thinking 'why bother' - perhaps I shoulod just drop her off the list if she doesn't have the decency to reply?

OP posts:
trumpetgirl · 05/10/2008 22:52

I agree that she should reply... but you shouldn't assume that everyone has regular access to the internet. It may be that she doesn't have an email address to give you.

WideWebWitch · 05/10/2008 22:52

Could she just be horrendously busy? Maybe she doesn't think any response is needed? And if she doesn't have to actually DO anything as a result then maybe it isn't?

Why don't you just tell people you'll email if they provide addresses but otherwise people can help themselves to copies of the newsletter from xyx?

Then you can stop sending her stuff and sge can stop ignoring it!

WideWebWitch · 05/10/2008 22:53

Tbh I ignore all requests for help from the school, I can't help but I don't bother contacting them to say I can't.

unknownrebelbang · 05/10/2008 22:54

Maybe she's just not interested?

MadBadandDangeroustoKnow · 05/10/2008 22:54

I'd write a one-liner at the bottom of the page, to say that you're going over to paperless communications (you could say its on environmental grounds) so could she give you an e-mail address. How likely is it that she doesn't have an e-mail address? Anyway, the ball's then in her court.

ScareyBitchFeast · 05/10/2008 22:55

i think she is just not interested, busy with her own life etc., but i wouldnt stop sending her the print outs.

Tinker · 05/10/2008 22:55

Does everyone who receives the email respond? I'm not clear what there is to respond to? If I didn't actually have to respond with a positive comment I doubt I'd respond either. I really wouldn't take it so personally.

ScareyBitchFeast · 05/10/2008 22:56

she can't be the only one who doesnt come surely.
do you always have coffee mornigns on a firdya for example, perhaps she works on a firday.

Tinker · 05/10/2008 22:56

Some people really don't use email though

combustiblelemon · 05/10/2008 22:57

Maybe she doesn't want to hang out with other mothers- why should she?

beanieb · 05/10/2008 22:59

How did you get all the emails for the other mums? Have you asked this one mum outright or are you just assuming she would be interested in being contacted in the first place?

WideWebWitch · 05/10/2008 23:00

I don't reply to ANYTHING unless it says YOU MUST REPLY

I don't have time (work ft oth)

Original poster
gameboy · 06/10/2008 09:35

I don't have a problem at all if she doesn't want to socialise/ get involved - that's fine - not everyone does anyway, cos quite a few of the mums work (as do I).
In fact she did come to one coffee thing last year and it was all very friendly.

At the end of last term we did as you described, and asked people to give us an e-mail address, or to say if they'd prefer a paper copy - no reply....

In fact, last year's rep went back to her (message on mobile)and explained that she was the only one who hadn't provided an e-mail address, and was it possible to have one etc - No reply...
I know she has a work e-mail, but presumably doesn't want to use that for personal stuff.

Thing is, the school won't let us hand stuff out/ there is no collection point/ notice board etc, so I end up having to post stuff (at my expense) to her.

There is an added dimension, which shouldn't make a difference, but sort of affects how I deal with this - they are the only black ethnic family in the class, so I really wouldn't want to feel I was excluding them (e.g. by saying I'm not sending any more letters by mail).
It's just not proving very easy with no feedback/ response!

Do you think there could be a cultural aspect to this? (There isn't a language issue BTW.)

OP posts:
chopchopbusybusy · 06/10/2008 09:43

I can see that it would be a bit annoying having to make a special arrangement just for one person but I wouldn't think it necessary to reply and say I couldn't make a coffee morning/afternoon/whatever. If you really want to sort it out, then speak directly to her and see what arrangement you can come to which suits you both.

Original poster
gameboy · 06/10/2008 10:02

ChopChop - yes, of course, that would be the really sensible thing to do, but as I say, we've tried that to some extent, and have had a whole series of ignored messages etc.

It seems impossible to speak to her in person (not at school, and mobile always on voicemail) so I feel as if I'm bangig my head against a brick wall!

OP posts:
Nighbynight · 06/10/2008 10:03

I am this mum! except that I give my email address out.
does she work f/t, and is she a lone parent?
because thats the problem here. tbh, I have no time for the sort of coffee morning, restaurant type stuff that the other mums do.
if I am being really honest, they just wind me up with it all. They are the sort of people who complain because their child didnt get enough homework.

And I know that I am the weirdy odd one out - foreigner, single mum, lots of chidlren etc., and tehy probably all talk about me as the "ONE" that doesnt cooperate, as you did in your OP.

gameboy - if she is the only black mother in teh class, she probably does feel the odd one out, so your instinct is right.

solidgoldskullonastick · 06/10/2008 10:06

LEave her alone. SHe's made it obvious she isn't bothered about the newsletters etc. SHe's probably of the opinion that school is for her DC to attend during school hours and she isn;t remotely interested in all the sort of timewasting twittering that the rest of you are filling up your dull lives with.

JuneBugJen · 06/10/2008 10:07

I think you should just ask her straight out whether you should expect any replies at all from her. Then you know what to expect in future.

Well done for taking on this role... I am class rep too and a really crap one. Not too sure about this 'too busy'business, I work as well, and have a baby and still involve myself as much as possible with the school as this is the only way schools can run is with the goodwill of parents helping as much as they can, even if its just half an hour serving coffees once a year!

monkeymonkeymonkey · 06/10/2008 10:08

I wouldnt reply saying that I couldnt do something.
It seems like it is too much effort for you, and she doesnt seem interested either.
TBH i think that she may even find all the contact irritating. I think i might be irritated by text message reminders about things I had no intention of attending anyway.

I think it would be reasonable to either just get the letters given to her child to take home, or just say it is email only. You know that she has an email address, and if she doesnt want to give it to you then that is up to her. Not everyone is interested in school stuff.

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 06/10/2008 10:08

Leave her alone. If I were her I would be pretty p-ed off that people kept hassling me for information.

brimfull · 06/10/2008 10:09

Maybe she can't read.
Maybe she doesn't want to be involved at all.
I would ask her next time you see her if she would like to come off the mailing list.

Original poster
gameboy · 06/10/2008 10:09

Nighbynight - thanks - that's helpful to hear your perspective!

She does work full time, but is not a lone parent.
That's what's bothering me - I don't want to send all the stuff (not too much really - maybe one/ twice a term) if it's irritating to her, but I wish she'd just let me know!

I just want to do the 'right' thing here, but I can't work out what it is!

OP posts:
BecauseImWorthIt · 06/10/2008 10:10

If this was me that you're talking to MN about I'd be seriously pissed off, tbh.

There is no obligation to respond to the people who take it upon themselves to be the class rep.

If she doesn't give you her e-mail and/or respond to her phone, then she's probably not bothered about this kind of communication. It sounds like you've given her plenty of opportunity to respond, and now, tbh, it sounds like you're just complaining about her not responding to your hard work.

Leave her alone and stop moaning to the rest of us about her.

zippitippitoes · 06/10/2008 10:10

im surprised all the others reply

i wouldnt reply unless i was interested but i would still expect to get information

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 06/10/2008 10:10

"I just want to do the 'right' thing here, but I can't work out what it is!"

It's to leave her alone!