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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be slightly irritated by the parent who never responds to any of our class rep letters

155 replies

gameboy · 05/10/2008 22:49

I am class rep for DS1's class. Think I'm fairly low-level - not in-your-face sort of mum.

Lovely class - all mums very friendly. We do the usual stuff - occasional coffees, christmas night out, school fair, etc

All mums except ONE have given e-mail addresses for contact, which obviously makes it easier to organise stuff, as I work part-time, and am not always at the school door. The one who hasn't just gave us her mobile.
OK, I respect someone's right to privacy, so whenever I send an e-mail out to the group, I print out a copy, put it in an envelope and send it via the school. And, if it's a coffee morning etc I've sent her a text reminder too.
It's a bit of a pain, but I wouldn't mind except for the fact that she has NEVER replied or acknowledged any of my notes, invitations, or requests for help - not even to say, sorry, no I can't come/help.

It's as if it's just disappearing into a black hole!

It happened all last year for the last class rep, and now it's just beginning again this year.
I've just been sitting here printing out a class list to send her (went via e-mail to everyone else) and I'm thinking 'why bother' - perhaps I shoulod just drop her off the list if she doesn't have the decency to reply?

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 06/10/2008 10:38

Message withdrawn

Original poster
gameboy · 06/10/2008 10:39

OK, so in the last year we (last class rep) have sent the following:

(Note on bottom of class list) "Hi X - To speed things up and save paper, we're planning to communicate mostly by e-mail, however we don't have an e-mail address for you. Do you have an e-mail, or would you prefer to receive a paper copy..."
NO REPLY

One mobile message left: "Hi X. We left you a note about Y. Not sure if you can make it. Also don't really know if you want us to let you know about these things. Can you let us know."
NO REPLY

In answer to other questions - yes, actually, all the other Mums DO come to something throughout the year.
We're not asking for money, so nothing to do with that.

In fact thinking about it, maybe she just has some very different expectations/ views. After not really meeting/ talking to anyone last year, this mum called last year's class rep out of the blue, and asked her to pick up her child from school, as she had an unexpected late meeting .

Zippi - a few of the things I mentioned had return slips for the school, to show info was received. They weren't returned.

I'm not going to waste any more time, on here, or in real life on this.

OP posts:
PrincessPeaHead · 06/10/2008 10:41

So the school relies on a parent to keep other parents informed about school business including curriculum changes

but then won't allow you to pass letters through the school

sounds exceedingly unlikely frankly. leave her alone, and let the school take responsibility for giving her feedback about her child's parents' evening

zippitippitoes · 06/10/2008 10:42

well asking people to reply when there isnt a need will put people off bothering anyway i think

i would have had zilch interest probably

if you have her address just hand it in to schooll office for them to post or give to the child

and if you are irritated by the post then dont volunteer

BecauseImWorthIt · 06/10/2008 10:44

So because she doesn't reply to your letters she's also not allowed to ask anyone for any favours?

TBH it sounds like you have a problem with her that goes beyond these letters.

darkpunk · 06/10/2008 10:45

gameboy...we don't have class reps at our school..well, only the ones that sort out the piss ups at christams..but honestly..if you came towards me i would dive into the sandpit..most parents really haven't got the time...but like i said, i admire you for taking on the job

Beetroot · 06/10/2008 10:45

I don't reply if I cannot come.

Hate the idea of going out with the whole group of mums just becasue we have children in the same class

solidgoldskullonastick · 06/10/2008 10:48

If it were me, I would have said by now 'Please stop wasting my time with crap' so you would at least have had an answer. But then you would be bleating away about how some people don't 'support the school' or whatever the latest condemnation is for those who think that a school is for educating our DC, and while we are happy for them to make friends and all that, we don't need to be constantly pestered with all this bunting-cupcakes crap that no one really likes anyway.

MrsMatryoshka · 06/10/2008 10:48

Maybe she is just very shy or maybe she has a life .

Beetroot · 06/10/2008 10:50

It is probably in a pile and she keeps meaning to reply but cnnot think of a nice way to say bog off....

Leave her alone, she obviously does not want to give you her details

mumto2andnomore · 06/10/2008 10:52

We dont have class reps, Id never heard of them till I came on mumsnet, are they just for private schools ? Sounds mad to me, whats wrong with the school communicating with the parents ? Im a teacher and would hate to just pass information through one parent, like to get to know them all.

That aside I think you should just leave her alone, she doesnt want to be involved, thats her choice.

Nighbynight · 06/10/2008 10:54

come on becauseImworthit, your last comment is a bit unfair.

Marina · 06/10/2008 10:54

Some families do prefer not to socialise/attend parties and playdates etc for cultural or religious reasons.
You have done your bit by keeping them in the loop but I would just send stuff they need to know in future and not bother with the social arrangements. I know you mean well, but by continuing to invite her to coffee mornings and suchlike, she could be feeling pestered rather than included.

JuneBugJen · 06/10/2008 10:57

No, not just for private schools Mumto. Ours is state primary and there is one as a link to the class, teachers and the society that raises money for the infant school. Its not a job I wanted myself...because I didnt want the hassle, butwas so hacked off when no one else put their hand up so just decided to do it.

BecauseImWorthIt · 06/10/2008 10:57

How is it unfair, NN?

The comment about the parent needing to ask for help from the class rep was a bit unnecessary and indicates quite a considerable amount of resentment by the OP.

Just my observation though.

VictorianSqualor · 06/10/2008 10:59

I am so glad we don't have class reps.
We get enough flipping letters what with the school newsletters once a term, the friends of DD's school letters for fundraising etc and all the 'we are happy to watch your children for a few hours during the holiday and kick a ball at them. We call this 'Football academy, it will cost £12346787. Thank you' letters.

Class reps sound shite to me.

zippitippitoes · 06/10/2008 11:00

im guessing she was a desperate if she phoned the class rep

she couldnt get to school

i acn imagine if someone on mn posted help i cant get to school on time emergency work meeting what an earth shall i do

we would see it differently

her priorities are not around school notices

im sure most people dont read them

zippitippitoes · 06/10/2008 11:00

im guessing she was a desperate if she phoned the class rep

she couldnt get to school

i acn imagine if someone on mn posted help i cant get to school on time emergency work meeting what an earth shall i do

we would see it differently

her priorities are not around school notices

im sure most people dont read them

cupsoftea · 06/10/2008 11:00

She doesn't have to reply to you as it's class rep info not the school official letters.

Could you say all class rep info is by email only as of - a suitable date for you.

SmugColditz · 06/10/2008 11:01

To you it doesn't seem like timewasting twittering.

To her perhaps it does. And I'm afraid her opinion is as valid as yours, and when it comes to what she decides to prioritise in her life, it is the only one that counts.

I don't allow myself to be sucked into the petit bourgeois politics and neurotic handwringing of my son's school 'friends' group. I support the school in all that they do, but I am not a joiner. I do not want to spend my time in what I consider to be a subtle popularity contest. I will acknowledge things that have a reply slip on if I think they need acknowledging. Everything else I treat as bumf.

AND THAT IS MY RIGHT.

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 06/10/2008 11:03

I was class rep for DS1's class last year. We had several non-responses to stuff.
Did we care? No
Did we hassle people? Only for the end of term "memories" we were putting into a book for the teacher.
Some children still appear only as a first name on the class list with no other info.

Seriously, stop bothering her. Send her the info and leave it at that. We were happy with the fact that we had provided information about nights out/help at the school fair/collections.

Original poster
gameboy · 06/10/2008 11:05

School is small. Class is only 13, so tends to be more sociable/ close-knit.

Clearly something very different to expectations / experiences of other posters on here.

Am quite by some people's responses actually - are you always so angry and negative about stuff that starts with positive intentions?

BIWI - actually no, I wouldn't expect someone I'd NEVER met, NEVER spoken to, and had steadfastedly ignored me for 52 weeks to suddenly ask me to have their child (who had never me me) for 4 hours, would you?

For those who bothered to read the thread properly you'll see that part of my concern was that they are the only ethnic family in the class, which is why I'm reluctant to say 'sod it' and give up. I wanted to make sure that I was being appropriately inclusive.

Anyway, 'nuff said. I'm just glad we're not at your schools....

Got to go back to my 'dull life' now - need to start packing for Costa Rica

OP posts:
jammi · 06/10/2008 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 06/10/2008 11:06

But you are being inclusive - you are sending her the information!

Mulanmum · 06/10/2008 11:08

Gameboy - I think this woman should take a restraining order out on you. However, I am obliged to you for giving me the heads-up on this class rep lark. My dd starts school next year and I shall make sure I don't give anyone describing themselves as a class rep either my email or my mobile number!