To be slightly irritated by the parent who never responds to any of our class rep letters

[gameboy]

I am class rep for DS1's class. Think I'm fairly low-level - not in-your-face sort of mum.

Lovely class - all mums very friendly. We do the usual stuff - occasional coffees, christmas night out, school fair, etc

All mums except ONE have given e-mail addresses for contact, which obviously makes it easier to organise stuff, as I work part-time, and am not always at the school door. The one who hasn't just gave us her mobile.
OK, I respect someone's right to privacy, so whenever I send an e-mail out to the group, I print out a copy, put it in an envelope and send it via the school. And, if it's a coffee morning etc I've sent her a text reminder too.
It's a bit of a pain, but I wouldn't mind except for the fact that she has NEVER replied or acknowledged any of my notes, invitations, or requests for help - not even to say, sorry, no I can't come/help.

It's as if it's just disappearing into a black hole!

It happened all last year for the last class rep, and now it's just beginning again this year.
I've just been sitting here printing out a class list to send her (went via e-mail to everyone else) and I'm thinking 'why bother' - perhaps I shoulod just drop her off the list if she doesn't have the decency to reply?

Bundle - sorry if i offended you, wasnt meant to be

I'm sure lots of people have made friends from organising/attending events.

It is just not my scene, but i do make the effort with sending in a cake, or toys etc for any stalls as well as being a mum driver to the sports events, but that is really my limit.

not my scene either, forevercleaning i surprised myself, tbh. i thought most of them wouldn't be "my sort" but have had a real hoot with some of them..

i used to do a lot of voluntary work for the nursery my daughters went to and found it rewarding but stressful and exhausting

now I send dh to the parents assn!

In response to the OP and some other posts - there is definately no obligation to make friends etc etc as part of the whole school thing. I, personally, think that there is an obligation to help in some way with the extra-curricular things, fund-raising, reading etc - as far as one's own work other committments allow.

Unfortunately our schools do not exist in a (fully funded) vacuum and the reality is that they need help from parents. Whilst I understand the "we have paid our taxes " argument - if everyone took that approach ALL our children would suffer. Yes, there will always be the joiners and organisers - but at the least others can buy a cake/attend the fair etc.

To divorce yourself totally from the community aspect of school is rather sad and I think people miss out. To take a rather general view - the post-war trend towards nuclear families with ever-smaller links to their wider environment has pretty much been proven to have a negative impact of individuals and society as a whole. End of party political broadcast on behalf of getting a little bit involved in your child's school society.

".... End of party political broadcast on behalf of getting a little bit involved in your child's school society."

You've got my vote!

I'd be seriously pissed off if someone from dd's school started emailing and texting me

What the hell is a class rep?
Ds was the class rep for the school council last year but as this a grown up talking presumably this is something different?
Can the school not afford a secretary?

Well I did think it might be but one shouldn't judge
Perhaps dispensing with a secretary keeps the fees down?

oh, what heaven to be in a place where the pta didnt have class reps and was not so super duper organised.

Oh FFS if the school needs fund raising then surely parents should have the option of donating a fiver rather than having to fuck around with cakeys and knitting and twiggy hearts and awful school fetes that NO-ONE enjoys apart from the no-life busybodies.
And all this crap about 'community' being based on geography: all very well if you;re a dumb herd animal but if you don't have anything in common with the local parents apart from having DC the same age why would you want to spend time with them that you could be spending with people you actually like? 'close communities' are all very well for the dumb but to function at all they need scapegoats and they can be utterly stifling to anyone who doesn;t fit the local mould.

Agree with Nooka's post - was going to write something similar. As in this is the school's problem. The school needs a noticeboard or website to add this stuff for all to read. Or the school staff need to add info to bookbags - the reliance on class reps to communicate all the school's essages is just not working.

The OP needs to tell the head teacher about her fears she is not being inclusive - the school needs to sort this out.

Also, does the mother in question know she is the only parent not to respond to messaged? Has anyone told her? (sorry just skim read)

Oh dear solidgold you seem so ANGRY. With all these goats, herd animals and so on, sounds like your DC may go to school in a zoo rather than one where the parents are human. Chill out my love. I doubt very much anyone would want someone quite so err....tense helping out at their school.

I know plenty of ordinary state schools who have class reps. Just a way of coordinating things that parents help out with. No big deal and unlikely to warrrant strange chippy rants about "poncy private schools".

agree the school needs telling that some of this isn't on

To everyone saying how horrified they would be to be texted by someone at school:
"AIBU to contact someone by phone who has given me their number specifically for this purpose?"

MDDIS that's horrible, I was just going to suggest a whip round for a school secretary

I've got to the end of this thread now.

Just saying.

Why is this all about the mum, the mum, the mum

Op - you said this parent was not a single parent so why the obsession with contacting the mum only? I would double check the mobile number in case it is incorrect, and ask for the dads numbers too.

My dc at state primary, 3 class reps. It is brilliant. They are ruthlessly efficient, they email all relevant information, and distribute class lists. I am grateful that they do it. I work ft, with a commute, I don't see my dc teacher in the playground often, so it is great to be kept in touch in this way. However, I don't fall over myself to reply unless it is obvious that response is required, which is rarely.

And yes, the school fetes can be tiresome. But my dc look forward to them. And run around spending their saved up (and donated by me) cashers on cakeys and plastic shite with such sweet excitement that it is hard to quite so down on them. Altho your ire is quite impressive SGB. Talk radio awaits praps?

Have only read first half of this but..
YA definitely BU.

I've been a class rep in a school which had them and just on the general PTA in a school which did not. It is a lot of hard work but it is also your choice to give up your free time to do it. Non participatory parents are not making you do this. And they are under no obligation to respond. Why are you so cross with this person? It seems rather out of proportion. So she doesn't respond - so what?

It also sounds to me like the school is using class reps to get involved with matters that they should not be concerned with. Why are class reps passing on info about school policy and homework - this should be the school's job (that they are being paid to do). I certainly would not expect to receive this type of info via a class rep.

Leave the lady in question alone. Under privacy law you are not supposed to communicate with someone who does not provide you with their contact details anyway. She has not 'opted in'(particularly for email and text comms).

Sorry, but most of the mums at my daughter's school would not reply to your e-mails or requests for help as most would be working or with young children and they have better things to do with their time.
That is why most schools have parent committees for the parents that DO want to bother.

maybe she's a single parent. I'm in the fortunate position of being a single parent and not working full time but still find it practically impossible to do the meeting for coffees (as I work all the time my son is at school), christmas night out (you've got to be joking - nights out are a BIG rarity for me costing an absolute fortune with babysitters and I prefer to spend the very rare occasions I go out with my best friends, school fairs (not easy with a five year old in tow, last year I did facepainting at mine and my then four year old kept running off making me a pretty poor volunteer).

I have to work evenings when he is asleep from home to save money to get babysitters for things like parents evenings so actually I think you are just not considering other people's circumstances.

In fact all the examples you have given are almost impossible for me. And I don't even work full time. God if did, you'd actually be asking the impossible. I save my shorter hours for picking up my son as early as possible from the after school club rather than coffee mornings.

Even if she isn't a single parent, her partner may work long hours, she may be busy working or may just have a different kind of (more interesting maybe) social life...

this thread actually pissed me off. The poor woman couldn't have made herself clearer and you are hassling her. Her child is at the school to get an education and make his/her own friends. She doesn't have to be involved with a load of gossipy women who have too much time on their hands.