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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be dead jealous of childless couples sometimes? What do you miss?

132 replies

LittleOneMum · 29/09/2008 13:41

OK, so did anyone see that article in the Observer the weekend (a response to an agony aunt question I think) which said that childless marriages are much more likely to be happy ones than ones with children in? I think that was childless by choice rather than anything else.

I don't actually accept that this is true, but then I get in a big depression about the things I can't do anymore. My sis has just gone off to Paris for three months to be in a play. I WANT TO DO THAT! I want to fly off to Miami and sunbathe on the beach all day! I want to fly off to New York for the weekend for shopping...! AAAArrrgh....

Anyone else with me or AIBU?

OP posts:
falcon · 29/09/2008 13:43

YANBU. There are pros and cons to both lifestyles and as the grass always seems greener on the other side, it's natural to desire things that are no longer possible for you, at least not without military style planning.

georgiemum · 29/09/2008 13:45

Remember they are probably jealous of you too sometimes.

Nemoandthefishes · 29/09/2008 13:45

I miss the big holidays we had and spending time just lounging around doing nothing..lying in bed until whenever and being able to have sex whenever we wanted

hatrick · 29/09/2008 13:46

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Kewclotter · 29/09/2008 13:46

The Edinburgh festival

notnowbernard · 29/09/2008 13:47

Lie-ins

Spontaneous shagging

Spontaneous trips to the boozer

Spontanaeity full stop

CoteDAzur · 29/09/2008 13:47

Having seen (from friends) how soul destroying it is to want children and not get pregnant, or get pregnant but have repeated miscarriages, I would say YANBU.

Having said that, I do miss the freedom of just being a couple, but that pales next to the happiness that DD brings.

NappiesGalore · 29/09/2008 13:47

2 way street innit
i miss being footloose and fancy free, deciding which country to live in next on the toss of a coin.
but when i was like that, i jumped at the chance to have afamily... so id have been uncontent then too...

HeadFairy · 29/09/2008 13:48

I never feel that way. I probably would if I had had my children early. Lots of my friends had their babies in their early 20s and although now they're pretty grown up and my friends can now do all the things they want, they're older now too, so it's not like you can go travelling around the world or do silly things. Maybe you can, but I think I've got lots of that wunderlust out of my system, I travelled lots, did lots of spontaneous silly things and lived abroad. I'm quite happy to stay put for a while knowing I kicked up my heels a lot when I was younger.

Boyswillbeboys · 29/09/2008 13:48

I think it depends on whether you have had a chance to fulfil some of your ambitions before you have kids. One of the advantages of being an older mum is that you have had the chance to go travelling, stay out all night clubbing etc etc, and then once the kids come along you are happy to settle down. If you have the kids young, then you have to wait 18-odd years to get to do all the crazy stuff! Personally there's not much I miss except for a lie-in at the weekend!

OrmIrian · 29/09/2008 13:48

I do sometimes feel like that. But then I remember that we had had so many years like that and TBH it had got a bit dull. And the children won't be here forever.

Mind you I never did the flying to New York for shopping and lying on a Miami beach thing anyway...

geekgirl · 29/09/2008 13:48

5-7 just being ordinary hours of the day, not the whole tea/bath/bed witching hour

compo · 29/09/2008 13:48

I miss spontaneously going out for a meal/drink with dh in the evening because we don't have any babysitters
I miss xmas not being as simple as it once was with the grandparents wanting to come, or us to go there
But most of all I miss not feeling guilty about absolutely everything - guilty about working, guilty about not doing enough with the dcs etc.

HeadFairy · 29/09/2008 13:49

That said... and answering the op....

I do miss having a bit more money to spend on myself. Can't afford a haircut, or clothes, or shoes, or a holiday. Would love just one of those right now.

georgimama · 29/09/2008 13:49

YANBU but I don't miss anything- I remember too many tears and miserable years (ooh that rhymes) thinking we would never be parents.

rearinganuglyhead · 29/09/2008 13:49

i miss being able to go 24 hr supermarket shopping on a whim!

i miss being able to go out and get drunk and not worry about a) dropping babysitter home b) getting home at a resonable time c) dealing with the children d) worrying about getting up the enxt morning for school/swimming etc etc

norksinmywaistband · 29/09/2008 13:49

I miss having sunday morning in bed with DH, going out for breakfast and nursing hangovers in peace.

I do however love more than that, being jumped on on a sunday morning and smothered with kisses by 2 adorable dc. then having a quick breakfast and going exploring in the woods or on the beach.

I think in reality we often see others "freedom" as desirable but fail to view the beauty we have in our lives.
Things change, but over time you may well have tired of your old life, at least with Dc no 2 days are the same

ComeOVeneer · 29/09/2008 13:50

"I want to fly off to Miami and sunbathe on the beach all day! I want to fly off to New York for the weekend for shopping...! AAAArrrgh...."

Surely it isn't just children that prevent you from doing that? Work and finances/other commitmnets. There are very few people who have such a luxury of sheer spontaneity (sp)!

theinsider · 29/09/2008 13:51

You will be able to fly off to weekends shopping or sunbathing again, when your children are a bit older. And then you'll be flying back to see your wonderful, happy, independant children who will be delighted to see you. And perhaps you'll bring back presents for your grandchildren etc.

This young-children stage is only fairly short and as georgiemum said they're probably jealous of you too. WHen they're flying back home in 15 years they'll be coming back to a cold empty spinster flat filled with photos of their cat as they had no children and no-one dying to meet them for dinner to hear all about their holiday.

CatIsSleepy · 29/09/2008 13:51

am not really jealous of childless couples but like notnowbernard I do miss being able to do stuff spontaneously...

we haven't managed to sort a regular babysitter yet (dd is nearly 2 and a half) so dh and I rarely go out together...i miss being able to just head off to the movies or whatever

midnightexpress · 29/09/2008 13:53

Going for a really long walk in the hills (DP just back from a weekend wild camping on Jura ).

Just some days not being quite so relentless.

But on the other hand:

Christmas is so much more fun with LOs
Life in general is much more fun
And they've just had their hair cut and have a lovely little dip at the back of their necks that I would happily give up all lie-ins for ever more for.

lilolilmanchester · 29/09/2008 13:53

Being a parent is full-on 24x7 and it's easy to be envious of those who don't have all the responsibilities and ties. We have friends who couldn't have children and a bit like you with your sister, sometimes I am a bit envious of their freedom. But we will get our freedom back. They won't ever have children. I can see quite openly how much they love being around children and how sad they are that they won't ever be parents. Our DCs are 15 & 10 and we're slowly starting to get some of the freedom back. i wouldn't swap the freedom for the good bits of being a parent (and I know, it's not all plain sailing) but it'll only be a couple of years til I'll be posting on here about the wrench of DS leaving home. Just thinking about that prospect helps me re-focus on the positive elements of being a parent. Hang on in there LittleOneMum, your independence will be back all too soon.

Original poster
LittleOneMum · 29/09/2008 13:53

I think that by wishing for Miami and NY I was just wishing for things I'd like to have done rather than never having had the funds/time to do them. Thanks to everyone who said that the grass is always greener. I love my DS, would not change things for the world! Just sometimes, I do miss things a bit!

OP posts:
geekgirl · 29/09/2008 13:54

Being able to holiday in exotic places because you only have to pay for 2 people, rather than 5.

hatrick · 29/09/2008 13:54

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