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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be dead jealous of childless couples sometimes? What do you miss?

132 replies

LittleOneMum · 29/09/2008 13:41

OK, so did anyone see that article in the Observer the weekend (a response to an agony aunt question I think) which said that childless marriages are much more likely to be happy ones than ones with children in? I think that was childless by choice rather than anything else.

I don't actually accept that this is true, but then I get in a big depression about the things I can't do anymore. My sis has just gone off to Paris for three months to be in a play. I WANT TO DO THAT! I want to fly off to Miami and sunbathe on the beach all day! I want to fly off to New York for the weekend for shopping...! AAAArrrgh....

Anyone else with me or AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleOneMum · 29/09/2008 13:55

Oh and absolutely no offence intended to those who have found it v hard to conceive . I didn't find it that easy myself, no potted history required.

OP posts:
ComeOVeneer · 29/09/2008 13:56

I don't miss much tbh.

Financially it hasn't changed anything. Socially it has altered a bit, but we had university and a few years before children to go out as much as we wanted and even before children that had lessened. I can't even say "a good night's sleep" as I have always had sleep problems even prior to children.

Prior to children I worked full time (left home 6.30am, back after 6pm 5 days a week sometimes on call weekends). So evenings were quite. I think the only thing I miss is being able to recharge my batteries at the weekend, which never happens now.

lucyellensmum1 · 29/09/2008 13:56

I miss Sunday morning sex.

georgimama · 29/09/2008 13:57

Oh, no offence taken, really didn't read like that anything into it, there are many frustrations and I do thank God DS isn't twins sometimes!!

But I do try to be thankful (not suggesting anyone else isn't). And our marriage is stronger and happier now so there really isn't much about the old days to miss - anything we really want to do DS gets dragged along to anyway!

lilolilmanchester · 29/09/2008 13:58

oh yes, unrestrained sex when there isn't a teenager awake (in the evening) or a pre-teen awake (in the morning).

expatinscotland · 29/09/2008 14:02

YANBU.

I completely underestimated the tedium that goes with having young children.

Treeny · 29/09/2008 14:18

Can we just take it as read that of course we're lucky to have our DCs and would never want to be without them...

YANBU - I really know where you're coming from. And I didn't have my DDs particularly early in life, and I'd done plenty of things before they came - perhaps it means I know what I'm missing!

I particularly miss:

Spontaneous anything - nights out with DH, impromptu drinks with friends, post-work sessions with colleagues...

Reading the paper - getting properly to the end even of long articles, without being interrupted 27 times.

Being able to linger in restaurants after lunch etc, without having to rush off to the swings.

Getting on a train or plane without having to psyche myself up to entertain children, keep them quiet, clean them up, etc etc.

Going out with just one small neat handbag.

Working as long as I need to without always having to look at the clock and check whether I should be somewhere else.

Being left alone!!

georgimama · 29/09/2008 14:21

OK I lied, the one thing, the only thing, reading.

Properly, like 3 chapters of a book that isn't "That's not my train!" or an entire broadsheet newspaper cover to cover.

NotCod · 29/09/2008 14:21

NOTHING AT ALL
really

GooseyLoosey · 29/09/2008 14:22

YANBU

There are many things I mistt, in particular wandering around the countryside where I live after getting home from work and spending the odd Saturday morning lounging about with a book and a cup of coffee.

However, I do take joy in things that I would never have enjoyed before such as watching a pumpkin grow or sneaking into someone's room with a Christmas stocking.

EffiePerine · 29/09/2008 14:23

sitting in the pub reading the paper

now when we have time without children (rare) we feel we have to talk to each other

alicet · 29/09/2008 14:24

I want to sleep

EffiePerine · 29/09/2008 14:24

oh yes, stress-free eating out is pretty high on the list too

hambo · 29/09/2008 14:34

YANBU

I miss so many things from my childless days...

I cannot even begin to list them!!

cory · 29/09/2008 14:37

I miss the walking holidays and the youth hostelling. Under normal circumstances, our kids are old enough to do this by now, but dd is disabled so it won't happen.

lalalonglegs · 29/09/2008 14:54

Being able to go to the loo without an audience.

cory · 29/09/2008 15:05

Come to think of it, it's probably not being childless I miss, so much as my idea of what it would be like having children. Walking the ridges together, running down the slope, splashing in the rain .

superloopy · 29/09/2008 15:05

I miss going somewhere in the car, parking, jumping out and walking away. Not having seat belts to do up and undo is a rare treat!

I also miss...
Sleeping in
Watching crappy daytime tv on my days off
My stomach - I didn't appreciate how flat it was
Being spontaneous
Spending my money on me

But I would never want that old life back. My children have made me a much better and happier person.

JuneBugJen · 29/09/2008 15:07

I miss being by myself, until I am tired of being by myself and not that oh-so-short 1.5 hours when DH/granny goes off for a bit with them.

bloomingfedup · 29/09/2008 15:23

YANBU. I would'nt say I was jealous of childless couples BUT I do (fairly often) think what if....... However, I know that I have the best deal and one day my kids will fly the nest and I will have my freedon and that makes me and . I defintley don't agree that childless coupes are happier - for me there would be a big void without my kids.

ethanchristopher · 29/09/2008 15:24

getting pissed on a friday night/smoking/smoking joints/gymnastics mostly about the gymnastics

Kewclotter · 29/09/2008 15:29

yeah EC thats what I miss most too... the gymnastics. Ruined a promising career

bloomingfedup · 29/09/2008 15:31

I'm actually pretty happy. Happier than I've ever been. Would like to have money again though!

NotActuallyAMum · 29/09/2008 15:32

This can definitely work both ways

Although I have generally accepted that I'll never have children, I do still "have my days" as I like to put it, and I think I probably always will. In fact I might print this thread out and read it the next time I "have one of my days", it might just help me

All things considered though I am happy. You make your choices in life and you have to learn to live with them and accept your life the way it is. There'll always be things you wish you'd done/hadn't done but it's no good wasting time and energy regretting something you can't change

My mum always says her grandchildren are her reward for the years of hassle she had off us lot so at least you have that to look forward to

peanutbutterjelly · 29/09/2008 15:33

just popping out! having a massage. drinking... the list is endless.. but as my lo was premature.. I also miss being pregnant... it was all a blur.. that went by so quickly...