to think women should make the effort to have sex with their partner regularly even if they're tired/not in the mood?

[milene]

So often I've read on mn mothers saying they barely have sex since they had children since they are always tired or don't feel like it. But really, how much effort does it take once or twice a week? You need to work on relationships, and sex is an important part of it. And the more often you do it, the more often you feel in the mood.

If you don't have sex with your husband, it'll be no shock if he finds someone else who will.

Milene- are you from the parish of Stepford?

I agree easy and acceptible to say you aren't having it Why is that?

I feel I should point out that all the married men I've shagged were getting plenty of sex at home.

They should make more of an effort to turn you on not winge about surely..

Tut, MI!

Agree with HedgeWitch, sometimes a compromise has to be made, on either side. I am sure both my DH and I have sometimes done it simply to please the other. It is really not such a big deal, even if you are much too tired and not able to get turned on, it is still intimacy with the person you love and hugely comforting.

Of course, a compromise is fine. But that wasn't quite how the OP came out.

The OP is a troll, I think.

But it is a subject that is interesting and on MN so many of the people who are having problems with their relationships feel resentful that their DH wants sex when they don't (especially with small children). The consensus often seems to be that he should go and sort himself out, but I think that perhaps misses the point of what he actually wants - intimacy with his DW.

But Hedgewitch, just turn it around - if you forced DH not to have sex, surely that is not so bad as him forcing you to have it?

That's why the usual thing is to go with the person who doesn;t want it.

Is OP a man?

Or perhaps Myleene?

There are many steps toward intimacy, sex is just one. Many women feel short changed by darkened fumbles and swift endings... perhaps if men need to have the sex they need to work out a real and affectionate route to get it!! Personally I have never lost my libido for more than a couple of weeks, but gving my DH the information of how best to approach it usually works.

agree Twelvelegs, but what you suggest is a kind of compromise which is unacceptable to some - you made it clear how your DH could get what he wanted

Everyone should be able to refuse sex whenever they want - but if you are in a relationship and it has been months, that usually indicates a problem.

riven - even if fanjo use was not an option there can still be sexual intimacy though that would be an extreme case!

We are not just talking penetrative sex here but just the intimate side of a relationship

Message withdrawn

Gosh i love sex, unfortunately i have forgotten how to do it. I see the op's point, i think.

riven, I think if there are health reasons that sex cannot be had then it would be down to the couple to decide if the fix would be worth it.

If I was unable to have sex with DP and there was a way to fix it, then I'd try, but not everyone would be prepared to undergo the treatment, that's a whole different issue, IMO.

Yes sorry for my typo.
An extra 'n' needed.
AnNually, not 'up the derriere'.

Mmmmm. I'm the one with the rampant sex drive that doesn't get enough. . and it is horrible. you can't help it, it is like hunger and if you don't get fed your body complains....god, i hope no-one's sussed out who I am!!!! Never been anywhere else but due to a really stressfull time recently I am ashamed to say I have thought of it.
I would not admit this in RL!!!!!what is it about Mn?

But there other ways to have intimacy and affection. If the 'sex' thing gets too much or too little for either party then it's time to get help.... can't think of anything worse than doing 'it' when you clearly have no desire... likewise I can't imagine how insulted and alone I would feel without it long term. Relate has high success in getting your mojo back.

oh, where or where is morningpaper extolling hte virtues of non-penetrative sex?

agree with OP.

Health reasons and being on ADs etc aside, I think its plain weird to not have sex with OH for months as I've seen admitted on here...

Why not just live with a friend/ relative then?