to think women should make the effort to have sex with their partner regularly even if they're tired/not in the mood?

[milene]

So often I've read on mn mothers saying they barely have sex since they had children since they are always tired or don't feel like it. But really, how much effort does it take once or twice a week? You need to work on relationships, and sex is an important part of it. And the more often you do it, the more often you feel in the mood.

If you don't have sex with your husband, it'll be no shock if he finds someone else who will.

I agree that often the man in the relationship may need to proactively question why it is that sex has dwindled (i.e. look to himself and his 'contribution')

'Expat - I'm not with my partner "for sex" either, and we participate equally in all the tedious household chores, but sex is an important element of a relationship.'

Well, obviously it is you and your partner as regards to frequency.

To others, it's more about quality than quantity.

I mean, WHO goes around keeping score about how many times a week they have it (over the age of 14, that is)?

expat I could not agree more!!

I love my Dh, he is my soul mate, my life partner, and a fantastic daddy - so, how often we have sex is a non issue. sometimes one wants and the other does not, we have a lovely snuggle instead.

whatever next ? a thread that "a man has a right to rape his wife if she says no" because he "needs the relief" and she is his wife after all
(sorry it is not my intention to offend, just to emphasise thatI find the OP totally unreasonable)

yes, might be a troll, or perhaps just an idiot?

Message withdrawn

exactly, OB!

But Milene, your suggestion is that the woman is in the wrong for not wanting sex when there may be very good reason. That is not the same as a couple maintaining a healthy sex life when all is equal.

Milene are you a man? Are you my husband?

This is very topical in our household ATM!

Agree with quality over quantity. Bad and unwanted sex can really damage a relationship. More so than having no sex sometimes.

pull out the Organised Mum diary folks! gotta keep it 'regular'.

i'd be bored out of my mind perfunctorily having sex x no. of times a week in order for it to be 'regular'.

like servicing your car or Frontlining your cat.

Ah yes. Another thing to put on the organised mum wall planner for today: weekly shopping (tick), complete report for work (tick), clean out hamster cage (tick), phone parents (tick), buy ds new jeans (tick) ... oh yes, sex with husband. (tick) But the last item will only happen if I also remember to send an Outlook Meeting request to dh today. Best do that now.

By unwanted I mean, like the op suggested. Women 'making the effort'.

RiojaLover - I'm a woman, honest! But if my partner stopped having sex with me (or only wanted to very infrequently) that would definitely be an issue in my house too.

"How about marrying someone with compatable sex drives, in the first place. That might be a good place to start."

Do people really have these pre-marital checklists?

• does his bit around the house [check]
• has a regular job [check]
• easy on the eye [check]
• no unpleasant personal habits [check]
• nice potential pils [check]
• some skills in d-i-y [check]
• good father material [check]
• has a sex drive which perfectly complements mine [check]

It's been insensitively phrased in the OP, but I kind of agree. When someone says they love their DP and he's great, blah di blah, but they have been too tired to have sex for 18 months, I think that's a bit stupid. I mean, you were probably tired when you did the hoovering ffs, but you did it, and sex is nice. I don't understand it!

If you want to have it 5 times a night , every night, marry someone else that does. If you want to have it once, anually, marry someone else that does.
= HAPPY

Yes, need a sticker chart to track and prevent DH from straying due to his uncontrollable needs...

oohh- this has to be a wind up?
Agree with expat about quality over quantity tho....

And sex drives are predetermined and never vary?

I'd be more concerned that my husband considered sex with me 'making an effort'.

Gotta go shag the Trouble and Strife. keep the engine lubed and all that.

i agree mainly because regular sex is a good part of a normal and healthy relationship and i think that if you have regular sex with your partner you are more likely to feel better about yourself and have a better/closer relationship with you partner.

since women like to have lost of emotional reasons for yes/not having sex while men can make it purely physical, we should try hard to get past our mood-related reasons for not having sex and just do it. the whole mood thing dissolves after a good orgasm anyway!

and about that 'what year are we in' and 'feminist' approach thing- have you ever experienced where you want to have sex and your dh or dp says he is not in the mood or too tired? it is bad enough if they do it once or twice but if that was a daily thing i might also consider sex outside...

TBH, my DH wouldn't want me to just "go through the motions" because I felt I had to before he ran off with busty Brenda from down the road.

Sex is just one part of a relationship.

handlemecarefully, thats not fair.
It might help, if 'some' people gave it 'some' thought, before their vows.

oblomov- but- did you check how many times he's want it in those wild early days of yoiur relationship?

Busty brenda

Trouble is if you 'book it in' with your DH during the day quite often, after a day of running round after DS's, being snotted on, head butted in the boobs and the general joy that is little boys under three I DO NOT feel like sex at bedtime. I just want to crash out!

Also ADs do not help the situation either, my sex drive has dwindled considerably since being on them.