to think women should make the effort to have sex with their partner regularly even if they're tired/not in the mood?

[milene]

So often I've read on mn mothers saying they barely have sex since they had children since they are always tired or don't feel like it. But really, how much effort does it take once or twice a week? You need to work on relationships, and sex is an important part of it. And the more often you do it, the more often you feel in the mood.

If you don't have sex with your husband, it'll be no shock if he finds someone else who will.

I agree with Custy - it's much harder to admit you are having a great sex life, particulatly to other mums, when lots of us must have- it can't be THAT unusual. So I am coming out here, along the lines of Roseofthe Orient : I bloody love it, do does my DP, we do it as often as possible, and it's FREE. We are in a recession FGS, surely it's worth giving a try?

i'd rather have less sex with a well-hung, well-experienced man than some bloke with a dodgy technique and a tiny donga.

"We are in a recession FGS, surely it's worth giving a try"

PMSL!!!

I agree. I would be upset if my husband didnt take the time to just cuddle me - but he does. he would rather have sex so its a 2 way thing. He does some things for me that he doesnt necesserily feel like likewise I have sex with him sometimes because its what he needs. and usually once i get past the initial feeling of i cant be bothered i enjoy it (a bit like going to the gym!)
dont know if that reads quite right

I think both partners should make the effort in their relationship, be it sexually or otherwise

but tbh, I think it's too often women saying 'AIBU for not having sex' everyone piles in and says 'No, why should you have sex when you don't want to?' and forget that a sexual relationship involves two people.

Why should only the one who doesn't want sex be the one who gets to make the decision?

I think when men have an affair and use the "you never wanted sex, you were too busy with the kids" is a shite argument.

A friend of mine has separated from her husband, he was conducting several "affairs" through facebook; he used these excuses. They have three children under three, the little one is not even six months old.

I agree that yes, in an ideal world, couples should make time to be affectionate / intimate with each other, but it isn't always 100% effort from both parties to ensure there is that time and that the time they do spend together is quality time.

From threads I have read, I see a lot of women complaining that the romance has dwindled with their partner, or they have no time to relax. But when the further posts happen, the DH is working and going out and seeing his friends, while the woman is toiling away, running the household / working / constantly looking after the child and "couldn't possibly" let somebody look after the child.

I do think that women (and men) should make time for each other to be intimate; or jut spend quality time together. But I don't agree that its a valid reason to have an affair.

LOL expat!!

Oh, and I agree with Custy, in the beginning of a relationship you're meant to say 'Oh, and he's great in bed' then later on it's not just the social norm but almost expected for you to say 'Sex?what's that, I don't have the time or energy for sex!' with a little giggle.

(I see it all the time!)

What the delicious fizzy orange drink said.

the thing that interests me is that we hear a lot about women not wanting sex and little when it is the other way round

By Oblomov on Fri 26-Sep-08 12:12:35
If you want to have it 5 times a night , every night, marry someone else that does. If you want to have it once, anually, marry someone else that does.
= HAPPY

Could you clarify for me that little typo there please Ob?

My dh ahs been on meds on and off that mean *he& doesn't want sex that often

Would I be reasonable to go off and shag some blke then?

Absolutely not.

I ove him, very much. It's a percentage of our relationship that I miss, but is more than balanced by other things.

Tis called marriage adn life. Things change, you deal, you hope they'll pass

When you've been together a while the sex gets less though doesn't it Oblomov?
So even if you get with someone and shag 5x a day for a year, then get married, what's to say they won't change to annually?

PMSL @ Pushpinia - I nominate for quote of the week!

having been married for 20 years have to say that this varies through the years together and that is a good thing.
The issue is not how much sex you are having but that you both feel wanted and loved and are as close in terms of your needs being met as possible.

And a DH who leaves purely because of the amount of sex he gets is a wanker. No pun intended.

OMG what an increadably Wanky, bastard thing to say!

How completelt blind to think it is simply that simple that you just have to 'make the effort'

Especially the last part

'If you don't have sex with your husband, it'll be no shock if he finds someone else who will. '

Erm yes it would be a shock!I married my husband for better or worse, my vowels contained nothing of 'do you Charlee's dp take her to be you lawfull wedded wife, but don't worry if she ever wants to stop having sex with you, you can bonk someone else.'

Now i agree marriages and realtionships need working at and intamacy is important.

But seriously what a twat.

rolf at pushipina

Only if my dh made sure I had an orgasm EVERY SINGLE TIME... if he can't be bothered with my pleasure then I can't be bothered with his!

hehehe...

No but really, sex is a mutual experience, it is not something I do "for" my husband. This is not the 19th century.

What a stupid thread...

Indeed pagwatch, but if he were more of a wanker, he might not have felt the need to stray.

Isn't part of the problem that women get a bit bored of sex... I mean would we still be complaining that we are tired if a bare chested brad pitt .. beat down the door .. I think the whole domestic process dimishes the spark. Living together and seeing eachother day to day in a domestic context doesn't help.. I think you need to make things more exciting rather than lie back and think of england!

Actually I think VS should win:

'So even if you get with someone and shag 5x a day for a year, then get married, what's to say they won't change to annually? '

I haven't had sex with my partner since 12th Feb this year.

I shouldn't be made to feel like I should be servicing him either, if I don't want it, I don't want it. If he does he needs to see to himself .

Sex isn't the be all end all

I think Yearly would be a safer word for this thread.

I suspect OP is a MAN