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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

When I see smokers with babies, I really want to yell at them...

303 replies

Sophrosyne1 · 05/09/2008 18:26

Given the fact that smoking can increase the chance of cot death, breathing problems, glue ear and a whole host of other nasties (not to mention cancer) why is it that every time I go into town or for a walk in my local area I see 'parents' who think it is OK to smoke all over their children? It makes me want to yell very loudly!!!

OP posts:
FAQ · 05/09/2008 19:04

no they can't - but it doesn't mean that they're any "safer" than cigarette smoke....

bloomingfedup · 05/09/2008 19:05

Hello - you can stop smoking!

FrockHorror · 05/09/2008 19:05

Oh and I also have a fat arse

francagoestohollywood · 05/09/2008 19:06

no, car fumes can't be avoided, sadly. Cars are everywhere

francagoestohollywood · 05/09/2008 19:07

Frockhorror you sound positevely evil!

tamarto · 05/09/2008 19:10

Hello - you can stop leaving the house.

No one is perfect bar a select few on here it seems

spicemonster · 05/09/2008 19:10
FAQ · 05/09/2008 19:10

I've formula fed, I smoke (I have in the past been addicted to alcohol and gambling too), I've also give my DS's fruit shoots on a regular basis, and let them have sweets/crisps etc regularly too, plus they've both had fizzy drinks. So am I more evil than frockhorror

Sophrosyne1 · 05/09/2008 19:10

I did not post this to be deliberately provocative. In fact, I am truly surprised that it was quite so contraversial... just seemed obvious to me. I had (obviously wrongly) assumed that a group of people who care about their children (as I'm sure everyone here must do) would see why seeing a mum or dad with a toddler holding one hand and a fag in the other might make me angry.

OP posts:
tamarto · 05/09/2008 19:11

SM three is a more rounded number better get them to visit me too

Although i don't smoke, please don't hold it against me

mrsruffallo · 05/09/2008 19:12

YABU
There are teriible things happening to kids through violence and neglect. Save your righteous indignation for those parents

spicemonster · 05/09/2008 19:13

I think we should get them to go and see FAQ too.

We're a bunch of reprobates!

tamarto · 05/09/2008 19:13

If you were so sure of that why post this in the first place? It's great to feel so superior, really you should thank the smokers for that alone.

Desiderata · 05/09/2008 19:15

You see, I take a different view than most. I think I'm doing my kid a great service by smoking.

If medical stats are to be believed, I shall be dead by the time I'm 70, thus relieving him of at least twenty years of visiting me, in my wrinkled stockings, smelling of piss, in an old persons' home of probably his chosing.

He will not have to smell commodes, watch old men shuffling down corridors with their willies hanging out of their pyjamas, or spend pointless hours on a Sunday afternoon making small-talk with an old lady who's lungs are very fit, but whose mind has atrophied due to many decades of judging others.

Of more material importance, my lifetime's savings will not be frittered away in such dubious accommodations for the elderly, and nor will my house smell of fish and rotten fruit, because I will be dead before such things come to pass.

As Peter Ustinov most wisely noted, there are few pleasures I would defer for an extra ten years in an old peoples' home.

Amen to that.

Slubberdegullion · 05/09/2008 19:19

There was a thread about judging on mn a while back.

I'll copy and paste a quote from that thread because I thought it was possibly one of the best written and most insightful things I have ever read here. I won't out the poster unless she is lurking and wants me to.

"Whereas all sitting round patting ourselves on the back at the expense of someone else actually does do harm, IMVHO. Not to the other person, who is probably oblivious, but to ourselves, because it persuades us that we really are better/cleverer/nicer people than everyone else, and it reinforces a sneering "them and us" mentality.

These are not traits to be proud of, and every second spent being smug at the expense of a stranger chips a little bit of empathy away from us, and a little bit of humanity away from the person being judged, so that at last we can just dismiss them as a crap person and walk on by with a clear conscience."

Sophrosyne1 · 05/09/2008 19:22

I don't recall claiming that smoking was worse than neglecting or abusing your child, or that women who are formula feeding their babies deserve scorn. The reason the smoking thing gets me so annoyed is that as a new parent I am (perhaps neurotically) worried about doing anything that could harm my baby and, given the fact that every health professional I have seen during my pregnancy and subsequently, since my daughter was born, has asked if I smoke and reiterated the problems it can cause for young children.

I have never said that I am superior or claimed that I have no short-comings but I do feel strongly on this matter.

OP posts:
Sophrosyne1 · 05/09/2008 19:25

"Whereas all sitting round patting ourselves on the back at the expense of someone else actually does do harm, IMVHO. Not to the other person, who is probably oblivious, but to ourselves, because it persuades us that we really are better/cleverer/nicer people than everyone else, and it reinforces a sneering "them and us" mentality."

Paradoxically, one might argue that the people criticising my criticism are doing this too.

OP posts:
FAQ · 05/09/2008 19:25

"The reason the smoking thing gets me so annoyed is that as a new parent I am (perhaps neurotically) worried about doing anything that could harm my baby"

Then for gods sake don't leave your house - as has been rightly said - you CAN'T avoid exhaust fumes, nor many of the other "lesser" dangers that lie beyond our front door

kittywise · 05/09/2008 19:26

bloomingfedup you are very uptight have a g&t

bloomingfedup · 05/09/2008 19:29

I would rather be uptight that smoke around a child. Love G&T - my vice when my DC are in bed.

expatinscotland · 05/09/2008 19:29

the term 'mind your own business' springs to mind.

it'd be a much more pleasant world with a little more of that around.

bloomingfedup · 05/09/2008 19:30

I am shocked that so many of you take such a free and easy attuidue about this issue.

FAQ · 05/09/2008 19:30

what you drink when your DC are in bed? What if one of them becomes ill and you need to look after them and you have alcohol in your system...........

Desiderata · 05/09/2008 19:30

I love that 'parents' allusion in your OP, Soph.

Feel free to take a swing at me whenever I'm out. We've all got our problems, after all

findtheriver · 05/09/2008 19:31

Of course there are all sorts of risks that CAN'T be totally avoided. I think the point the OP is making is that smoking is entirely avoidable.