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Original poster

When I see smokers with babies, I really want to yell at them...

303 replies

Sophrosyne1 · 05/09/2008 18:26

Given the fact that smoking can increase the chance of cot death, breathing problems, glue ear and a whole host of other nasties (not to mention cancer) why is it that every time I go into town or for a walk in my local area I see 'parents' who think it is OK to smoke all over their children? It makes me want to yell very loudly!!!

OP posts:
K999 · 05/09/2008 20:07

very good post ScottishMummy!!!

But I have been eating a lot of kidney beans lately - am I going in the right direstion???

noonki · 05/09/2008 20:11

I don't mind people smoking outside with their kids, though I wouldn't in front of mine -

but I want to shove their lit cigs up their noses when I see them smoke in a car with a child, selfish bastards

I grew up with my dad doing this and it made me feel so ill (and then I smoked for nearly 20 years... my dad was my hero no doubt, and I started to annoy my mum who had left him at the time!)

if you smoke your kids are likely to smoke so much more

smellyeli · 05/09/2008 20:12

Smoking is due to nicotine addiction, it is not a choice or a habit and the reason it helps with stress and depression is that it relieves the symptoms of nicotine withdrawal which include anxiety, irritation, poor sleep etc. Not good at best of times, even more difficult as a parent, so smokers not exactly to blame for not being able to stop, or for wanting fag at times of high stress ie. pushing kids around in buggy

But parents who smoke 3 times more likely to have children who take up smoking at an early age. In Australia, there are moves towards banning smoking in cars with children present (because of direct effects of secondhand smoke - ear infections, astham, pneumonia etc.) and also in children's playgrounds - not just because of direct ill effects but because of negative role model influences.

K999 · 05/09/2008 20:17

I have made a pact with myself which is when they make smacking illegal then I will give up the fags.

findtheriver · 05/09/2008 20:25

'smoking is an behavioural pattern that has well documented adverse heath effects.'- absolutely spot on, accurate post.
So, knowing the risks, if you choose to smoke around your babies, go ahead and do so, it's your choice. Of course, they don't have a choice, but being a parent is all about making decisions on their behalf, until they are equipped to make their own decisions. Do so in the knowledge that if you smoke, your children are more likely to take it up.
I don't really understand why the OP is getting so worked up about this - take care of your own children, and dont worry about other people. I don't really understand why anyone chooses to smoke either - but as I say, their money, their health (and their childrens) , their life.

noonki · 05/09/2008 20:29

good post find the river

K999 · 05/09/2008 20:31

Losing your patience and shouting at your kids and smackin them is prob a behaviour pattern too - be safe in the knowledge that if you do this then your kids MAY NOT do this to their kids!

My parents did this but I do not do this with my kids.....I have never raised my voice or smacked my kids.....but I put this down to the fact that I smoke and am a very calm person!!!

findtheriver · 05/09/2008 20:39

Of course it is perfectly possible to not smack your kids, verbally abuse them or smoke over them. I don't think it's about being the perfect parent, no one is. But to see people claiming that not smacking their kids is a result of smoking to stay calm is pretty sad. I don't smack my kids because I make the choice not to: I don't need to rely on a packet of fags to stop me

K999 · 05/09/2008 20:42

Findtheriver - I am bowing down to your superiority!

findtheriver · 05/09/2008 20:44

Well go ahead if you want to k999. I don't think it's about superiority though. I think my kids deserve to not be smacked, shouted at or smoked over! It ain't rocket science!

noonki · 05/09/2008 20:50

oh come on k999 smoking in front of your kids, so they can see, is bad parenting -

there are far worse things you can do, but it is possible to smoke they can't see so it is also lazy parenting

ScottishMummy · 05/09/2008 21:04

noonki i love my mum i dont love smoking.it is possible to be a good parent and have flaws you know

i had a scottish scheme upbringing,smoking,overcrowded,poor diet.most certainly did not have bad parents or bad parenting experience because they smoked

K999 · 05/09/2008 21:06

I dont believe that smoking in front of your kids is 'bad' parenting.....'irresponsible' maybe.....but then I dont judge people for how they choose to raise their kids. Being 'judgemental' is a horrible shallow trait and I am glad that I am not like that.

K999 · 05/09/2008 21:07

I dont believe that smoking in front of your kids is 'bad' parenting.....'irresponsible' maybe.....but then I dont judge people for how they choose to raise their kids. Being 'judgemental' is a horrible shallow trait and I am glad that I am not like that.

findtheriver · 05/09/2008 21:10

I agree that being judgemental is a pretty negative trait. That's why I don't really give a stuff if people choose to smoke over their children. Up to them.

ethanchristopher · 05/09/2008 21:15

can i just say to all the smokers

my mum is addicted and smokes 40 a day

she didnt ever smoke around me or my brother EVER, even when we were babies

she only smoked in the garden, never in the house no matter what the weather

YOU ARE NOT BEING UNREASONABLE

the parents who smoke around their babies are

and it makes me so mad, there is no excuse

K999 · 05/09/2008 21:18

can I just say to all those who think they have a right to judge others....

1girlie1boydy · 05/09/2008 21:20

I truely think this thread has caused such a stir because it has hit some nerves.

I stopped smoking around 2 months ago and it was hard. I have 2 children. I stopped smoking whilst pregnant with both but for some reason as soon as they were born i started again.

The main reason i have stopped smoking is my children. My 3 year old daughter began to copy me with crayons and chalk. She also started to talk to her friends about my habit.

I always smoked outside, never in the house or car. I would smoke out and about in town shopping with my daughter and baby son in his pram. It would always make me feel guilty, worried about what passes by were thinking about me.

I think it is very easy to judge on first apperance. My children are the most important people in my life.

As i never smoked inside i thought it would cause no harm.

I do hate it thought when i see pregnant ladies smoking. In those cases there is no getting away from the fact that the baby is taking in all the harmful affects of a smoking addiction.

I am really glad i have stopped smoking now. My daughter no longer mentions it and feel much better.

noonki · 05/09/2008 21:20

I have smoked in front of my DSS and look back and think of it as bad parenting,

though there are far worse things parents can do

unfortuately though it is such a huge contributing factor to the biggest killers in this country and your kids are more likely to smoke if you do that I can only see it as bad parenting or irresponsible - that surely is semantics

but admit that when I smoked I would have argued the other way (and used to hate people that wouldn't let me smoke in their house, evern if they had kids)...

I am a true exsmoker facist ... sorry... but it is so much sunnier this side of the fence (smoked aged 11 to 30)

FrockHorror · 06/09/2008 19:40

"I've formula fed, I smoke (I have in the past been addicted to alcohol and gambling too), I've also give my DS's fruit shoots on a regular basis, and let them have sweets/crisps etc regularly too, plus they've both had fizzy drinks. So am I more evil than frockhorror"

Well, FAQ, I have done all of the above PLUS fed my DC the dreaded Greggs sausage rolls so ackherley, I am slightly more evil than you

wehaveallbeenthere · 06/09/2008 19:53

I feel the same way but there is very little you can do. Here in Texas they have passed a law that prohibits public smoking.
Unfortunately, people still smoke around their "loved ones" despite all the proofs and warnings about second hand smoke.
What is really scary is that they hold the baby and a cigarette at the same time.
Did you know the blanket dried with a dryer sheet makes it more flammable? It makes me want to trade them the blanket for a fire blanket. At least the baby would stand more of a chance when they drop their ash on them.

Libra1975 · 06/09/2008 20:04

"I'm surprised I've not had a knock on the door from SS seeing as I FF and smoke (although not at the same time )"

It just takes practice, the first couple of times you might drop ash on them but they are usually too busy drinking to notice.

wehaveallbeenthere · 06/09/2008 20:09

Wait until they are off the bottle and sipping from a cup Libra1975, then the ash just adds a little flavor.

Skimty · 06/09/2008 20:18

My mum 'hid' her smoking from us. For as long as I can remember she would make weird excuses to go outside then come in and scrub her hands, eat mints etc. She hid it from my Dad as well and would send him out on pointless errands and then run out for a fag. When she was desperate for a fag but couldn't have one then she would be grumpy and horrible.When we all started smoking (except Dad) she could be a lot more open about it and gave up pretty quickly.Just because you hide it does't mean it has no affect on your children.
I don't smoke any more but DH does and I don't think this means his parenting needs to be questioned.

Tittybangbang · 06/09/2008 20:49

"Does FF cause cancer then or contribute to asthma or cot death?" Ummm..... these illnesses are more common in ff babies I'm afraid.

Feel very sorry for smokers and their children. It's a vile addiction.

I know some very poor families where BOTH parents smoke heavily. Financially and health wise all members of these families are losing out from the parent's smoking.

My feelings are that if SIDS is the most common cause of death for babies under a year, and if the vast majority of these deaths occur in families where one or more of the parents smoke then as a society we should be complacent about it.