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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so angry/upset with dh that I could strangle him with my bare hand .......????

153 replies

mosschops30 · 05/09/2008 18:07

Some of you will know the story. Today I graduated with a 2:1 degree in nursing yay .
Have been telling him for months we should do something to celebrate and was planning a night away tomorrow but we could get childcare, and he then said this week 'so you dont mind if I go to the rugby with the boys then'

said that yes I did mind and that whether we celebrate with a 5* resort or a meal for us and the kids in a harvester doesnt matter, it should be a celebration (thanks ruby for that )

So last night i said if he wanted to go out with the boys I was going to go to the health club in the afternoon and have a couple of spa treatments (£35) and maybe he could treat me to those.

Cue massive rant from him including lovely lines such as 'you fucking disgust me, the way you expect to be paid something for getting your degree' and also 'who the fuck do you think you are' etc etc. In the end he had me in tears and I said I hated him.

My best friend this morning sent me a mahoosive bouquet of flowers which almost reduced me to tears because it was such a lovely gesture, she also asked us to go out as a family on sunday to celebrate.

So am I in the wrong here, expecting something (dh says I shouldnt expect anything). His defence is that I had told him we could do it next weekend (which i didnt because I dont know my shifts or if we have childcare)

OP posts:
SmugColditz · 05/09/2008 18:08

I would ask him to move out for a few days after being spoken to like that.

SmugColditz · 05/09/2008 18:09

Congratulations by the way

Notalone · 05/09/2008 18:09

Aw - talk about taking the shine off Mosschops. You have done so bloody well and he should be proud. He is being incredibly selfish. Is he like this a lot or is it totally out of the blue?

Lauriefairycake · 05/09/2008 18:10

the way he spoke to you is disgusting and I hope it's not part of a pattern

It is something huge to celebrate and I'm so glad your friend sent you flowers

berolina · 05/09/2008 18:10

Oh mosschops YANBU. I am Dear God, what an arse. Is this out of character?

I really don't like the implications of his 'who the fuck do you think you are' line. Sounds rather controlling/threatened tbh. Was he supportive of your studies?

Congratulations on your degree. What a wonderful achievement. You fully deserve a celebration.

TheFallenMadonna · 05/09/2008 18:11

Congratulations Mosschops!

Was he supportive during your course? Does he have issues with your studying/career?

Twelvelegs · 05/09/2008 18:11

Seems he may be a little jealous? Is rather selfish...there's nothing wrong to expect your DH to reward your hard work and acheivement.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 05/09/2008 18:13

Congratulations! Excellent news! (But not overly impressed with the violent thread title ! It will invoke the equal opps police in no time at all.....)

I certainly dont blame you for being angry though. He's acting like a petulant child. I bet he's buckling under the strain of peer pressure. His mates saying "awww, cant Mr mossywossy come out to play because his wifey says no" or some such crud?

Original poster
mosschops30 · 05/09/2008 18:13

No its not a one off really, something similar happened when I got my dissertation results, he actually left!!! But came back the following day and decided he didnt want to split up! At least today he txt me and asked what I'd got, he didnt even do that when I got my dissertation results. But I came home tonight, he said he doesnt want to talk to me because of my attitude and has now gone out, no idea where!

This is a pattern when we argue, sometimes he will ignore me for days. I cant remember the last time he said sorry. He never does, I always end up feeling like its my fault which in this instance I dont think it is. Surely a small treat from your husband is not a lot to expect when youve done a degree?

OP posts:
annh · 05/09/2008 18:13

Congratulations Mosschops! I don't have any constructive advice to offer because I just can't imagine my dh talking to me like that - even given that we do have verbal spats all the time but his comments are just waaaaay out of line. Anyway, I think it is fantastic that you have graduated with a 2:1 and you more than deserve some spa time!

SmugColditz · 05/09/2008 18:14

So what are you going to do about his behavior?

Notalone · 05/09/2008 18:15

I was thinking that Twelvelegs too. I have a really good friend who has gone back to mental health nursing after years of being a SAHM. She had to get through loads of exams to bring herself back up to standard and whenever she was doing well her DP would generate a huge row. He seemed like he was jealous she was doing so well and had a better career than him

squeaver · 05/09/2008 18:15

Well done to you.

Commiserations on being married to such a twat.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 05/09/2008 18:15

what does he do for a living, just out of interest?

tiredemma · 05/09/2008 18:15

I think he is jealous Mosschops, and perhaps a bit insecure in the fact that you now have a 'credible career' with a fairly (but not massive!) wage. Maybe he feels that you wont be so reliant on him from now on??

themildmanneredstalker · 05/09/2008 18:16

he sounds really jealous and threatened

Original poster
mosschops30 · 05/09/2008 18:17

No he hasnt been suportive his answer is ive been 'fannying round for 3 years without a proper job' (despite working 37 hours a week on placement plus studying, and the family).
He has a degree and a good job with good money so its not a jealousy thing.
Ive continued to pay all my bills throughout, admittedly money has been tight but he hasnt been expected to pay for much more than when I was working (just car and childcare, I have still paid half the mortgage, council tax, sky etc etc).

I think it was the evil nasty words that hurt the most, I dont know how to forgive him for speaking to me like that, they were delivered with such venom you wouldnt believe it

OP posts:
swiftyknickers · 05/09/2008 18:17

wow that is awful?, he is clearly jealous and threatened.can't you go out with your friends to celebrate?

is he always likethis?

Tidgypuds · 05/09/2008 18:17

Sounds like he is jealous of your achievement to be honest.

Congratulationson all your hard work. You deserve better.

cornsilk · 05/09/2008 18:17

mms there is a thread on active convos about you being missing in action!

Carmenere · 05/09/2008 18:18

Wow congratulations on dong so bloody well, I am terribly impressed.

Um, I think he has been a complete wanker and seems to be being so offensive because he knows he is in the wrong.

what do you want to happen?

Helga80 · 05/09/2008 18:20

YAinNwayBU and DH says I'm one of the most laid wives he knows when it comes to him going out etc.

You're not expecting to be paid for your success, you're asking your husband to treat you because you've achieved something and he should be proud of you!

He's probably feeling wrong footed because he doesn't get what a big deal this is and is reacting in anger. NO excue he being a twonk (was thinking something much stronger but to ladylike [LOL] to write it!)

cargirl · 05/09/2008 18:20

I can only think he feels very very threatened that you car now equal to him?

That's is really horrid behaviour, you would think he'd be thrilled that it was over and a joint celebration to welcome your increase income and reduction in stress would be very welcome.

TheCrackFox · 05/09/2008 18:21

Bloody hell a 2:1!! I seem to have mislaid my brain since having DCs.

I think your DH sounds jealous and perhaps he is worried that you are "too good" for him now.

wannaBe · 05/09/2008 18:22

I would leave him.

Seriously, there is no way I would tolerate being spoken to like that. And especially as it's not the first time.

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