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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to refuse to let mil give 11 month dd her last feed

145 replies

peanuthead · 29/07/2008 10:18

I have the pushiest mil in the world (actually probably not) and had a huge row (still ongoing) with dh as i said no to her request to give dd her evening bottle and put her to bed. i suggested she did the bedtime story instead. but dh doesn't get it that putting her to bed is my job and a very special one.

and no i wouldn't let my mum do it either - but then she wouldn't ask....

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 29/07/2008 10:21

How old is dd?

I only ask, because as they get older, it can be a huge relief if they are happy to be put to bed by someone else - when you get to the stage of wanting to leave the house/go out for an evening.

However, if she is tiny, then yes I can understand how you feel. MIL can do something else - your baby - you decide.

mumblechum · 29/07/2008 10:21

YABU.

Shitehawk · 29/07/2008 10:21

I don't actually think that wanting to put her grandchild to bed once in a blue moon is particularly pushy to be honest.

Why would it hurt you to let her do this just once? Yes, it's a special job but aren't grandparents special? Don't they deserve to do some of the nice bits with their grandchildren, rather than just the babysitting?

I think you're being a bit PFB really.

MamaG · 29/07/2008 10:22

Does she want to do it every night? I don't really see the harm in her doing it occasionally

WinkyWinkola · 29/07/2008 10:24

But you are allowed to be PFB if you want because it's not a crime and many parents have it for a while.

One day, you'll be fine, even happy with someone else putting your DD to bed. Just not right now.

If someone else takes umbrage at that, well, that's their problem not yours.

I wonder what kind of person gets angry when someone else says, "No, I'd rather you didn't do that just yet."

hifi · 29/07/2008 10:24

does she live with you?

HongKongFoeey · 29/07/2008 10:25

i think you are being massively precious.
what's to stop you going after mil has put her to bed and giving her a snuggle. grandparents are imporant it's not some old joe off the street!!

VinegarTits · 29/07/2008 10:25

Can't see your problem if its only occassionally

RubySlippers · 29/07/2008 10:26

i think YABU

what a lovely thing for both your DD and her grandma

i am not sure why you would not let her once in a while

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 29/07/2008 10:27

YANBU

She is your child
And MILs grandchild

There is a big difference and the decision is yours to make.

Nobody but me put my ds to bed until he was 18 months.

themildmanneredjanitor · 29/07/2008 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladymariner · 29/07/2008 10:31

YABU.

What is the harm every now and again. You might be glad of her assistance one day.

WinkyWinkola · 29/07/2008 10:32

There's probably more to this situation than the OP is telling us. As always.

Original poster
peanuthead · 29/07/2008 10:32

just the babysitting? what babysitting? they're never able to babysit, always too busy. and then when they visit we can't even go out because dh hasn't seen them for ages. i'd love to get out to the cinema pub anything but it's never offered. and when we ask they can't do it.

my parents babysit about once a month. and hence get to put dd to bed when they do....

no dosen'e live with me - live 3 hours drive away (their choice they were living abroad and knew we were in london and ttc and still chose to live somewhere miles away)

quite frankly all they do is the nice bits.

OP posts:
llareggub · 29/07/2008 10:32

Can she come and put my DS to bed instead?

[shattered]

tortoiseSHELL · 29/07/2008 10:33

YABU

themildmanneredjanitor · 29/07/2008 10:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MamaG · 29/07/2008 10:34

So how often are we talking about here, peanut?

You did ask if you were being unreasonable, you have to be prepared for us to say "yes, actually"

seeker · 29/07/2008 10:34

yes. Hugely unreasonable. I feel SOO sorry for MILs and I do hope people realize that they will be one one day. What goes around comes around.

WinkyWinkola · 29/07/2008 10:35

Hmmm, I'm afraid the nice bits is all GPs are expected to do really.

They're finished doing all the dirty work that parenting involves.

Now they're allowed to just indulge without worrying about discipline, eating habits etc.

I don't know that you can expect GPs to babysit, per se. If they don't want to do it, then I guess that's their choice.

zippitippitoes · 29/07/2008 10:35

i find it odd tht you wouldnt let her put her to bed

nothing to stop you saying good night and giving her a xcuddle too or even being there at the same time

yabu

gladders · 29/07/2008 10:36

YANBU - your baby your choice.

Disagree with HongKongFooey - grandparents do not automatically deserve the perks.

If you treasure this time with your PFB then go for it.

There may come a time later on when you will welcme the break - until then, stick to your guns.

MilkMonitor · 29/07/2008 10:36

YOu can't just feel indiscriminately sorry for MILs. That's silly. There are some lovely ones and horrible ones.

Kewcumber · 29/07/2008 10:37

I always put DS to bed unless mum is babysitting. I used to like it and didn;t want to give it up particualrly as I work and its a nice time for two of us to be together (at 2.7 would quite happily palm him off on her every night now )

zippitippitoes · 29/07/2008 10:37

and blimey at gps should choose for pref to live near you instead of leading their own lives and living where they want to when you started a family