To think this is a fair exchange (shocking TMI warning)

[lucyellensmum]

I am STARVING i have been to the inlaws so i think that entitles me to a little treat. Well not treat but some food. We didnt go shopping because we went to the inlaws and the only thing that is open is muckdonalds, but hey, im half pissed, i'll eat anything.

The exchange is oral sex for DP going to get me a burger. I just did it, but he is sulking because i didn't go all the way - well i don't want him falling asleep on me do i!!!

So, fair exchange or is this a total abandonment of my feminist principals.

[HollyGram]

He called her a cunt

FFS I would have a lifetime ban on bjs for that alone..............

anything to get out of the blasted things imo, sorry tmi, possibly...

[JodieG1]

I've offered dh a bj before in exchange for getting up at 5am with the kids, for me it was worth the extra hours in bed. He usually gets up with them anyway but it was my turn and thought I'd try my luck. I don't see the problem with that tbh.

Also, sex doesn't mean much to me. I don't equate sex with love, sex is just sex and that is something to enjoy. Love is more than that. I've always felt the same about sex and I'm sure I'm not the only woman that does. There is nothing wrong with feeling the way I do either, I have a good and healthy sex life.

I won't pretend things between me and dh have been perfect, far from it, but we are working at it and trying. We've been together for nearly 10 years now and have 3 wonderful children so it's worth the effort.

[lucyellensmum]

I think my mistake lapin, would have been in posting the other thread really. I must paint such a horrible picture of DP. Yes, he upset me the other day, but more because that is so unlike him to be so vile and i am worried about him tbh. I tend to do a good line in self pity and maybe i should stop using mn to vent that. It does paint a picture of a weak and pathetic woman who is ruled by her DP i guess. I sometimes get quite cross with dittany who will always post that my DP is obviously treating me like shit etc. I get quite uppity and think, no he bloody doesn't, you don't know him bla bla bla, but then if all i post is the bad stuff, then what else are people supposed to think? So its a fair assumption i suppose.

My DP is not perfect, but he is the one for me, and he is the most selfless person i know. He loves me despite everything i have put him through, and believe me, I have taken him to hell and back. Maybe he could have done lots of things very differently but whatever he does, right or wrong, he does for the right reasons and i love him for that. He never goes to the pub with his mates, in fact, he tells me that i am his best friend and he doesnt need anyone else. He is fine that i have my friends and is friendly and sociable with them/. He is qutie happy for me to go out with them (not that i do much). He doesn't spend money on himself that he doenst have. He would never dream of pissing off to play golf and leave me and DD with nothing to do all day. we are a partnership and we are friends, he cannot understand why couples don't spend more time together. I sulk, i throw my toys, i nag him i go on about stuff when he is clearly stressed to the limit but i can't shut my mouth, i say terrible hurtful things to him, but he still loves me. If ever any man deserves a BJ then its My DP .

I do agree that this is probably not the place to brag about it though. I wonder if i just want to say out loud, look guys, we are in love, we are happy and we are doing xyz - isnt it great.

[ggglimpopo]

Yuk.

[Ivegotaheadache]

Tomorrows chip paper HollyGram?

LEM, I got what you were saying and I didn't read that you were controlled or that he demanded a BJ to go get the burger.
Or that it was sexual favours for goods or whatever else has been said here.

It's something I would say to my dh - though I would probably make him get the burger first and then not give him the BJ!! But that's just me .

And it's not on that your other threads or posts about any problems you might have with your dh were brought into this thread.

I have all manner of rows and issues and problems with my dh, but that is not us all of the time. Sometimes we laugh and talk and have sex aswell, otherwise we'd be extremely miserable.
People usually post on here about the problems, but usually they do get resolved and things are ok (until the next problem).

Maybe some people are a bit because you were posting before the BJ and in between the BJ and burger and maybe people think it's something that should be kept private at the time.
Not every encounter is fodder for mumsnet!!

But, you're right, we should be glad that you're happy and getting on well with your dp. And if giving BJ's in exchange for maccyD's makes you happy, then good for you.

[ladymariner]

so say that then!

[lucyellensmum]

lapin, you are right, 100% i am a very attention seeking person, i will openly admit to that, and yes i was being provocative. Just a bit brougght up short by people brining up my other threads i suppose. I should clarify that if i don't want to do things, i don't. Sometiimes i can be persuaded but if im not in the mood then its tough. I would have still got the burger though - but honestly, it was gross - you know you are really hungry and desperate when it is a McD you go for. For every 100 burgers you have, you might get one that is really nice and scrummy, the rest just make you think "why did i eat that shit"

[HollyGram]

lol

"If giving Bj's in exchange for maccyD's makes you happy, then good for you."

Classic! MorningPaper where are you?

[Ivegotaheadache]

And fwiw, sex after a long time together and children and all that, is meaningless sometimes.
You make love in the sense that you're having sex with someone you love, but it's not all hearts and flowers and gazing into each others eyes.

Sometimes I have sex when I don't particularly feel like it, but because he does and I do it to make him happy (and shut him up). But I'm not being forced or controlled.
Likewise, he may make himself get in the mood when he's been dozing off and I get a bit excited.

But other times it's nice and loving and when you have a bit more time and aren't so knackered, you can talk and laugh and make love properly.
Other times it's something else (don't want to spend sunday morning talking about different types of sex think you can get the idea)
That's just normal life.

[Turniphead1]

euuuugh

this is a bit much for a sunday morning

Like others, I feel a bit sad for you that the only way your DH will get you a burger is in exchange for oral sex. Sad.

[lucyellensmum]

turniphead, can you imagine the hoops i have to jump through to get him to mow the lawn !!

Do people really think that was the only way i could get him to do something for me

[glaskham]

Oh LEM.... this thread has had me in stiches!! I dont think you were out of order at all with this thread, very light-hearted, and i'm with hedgewitch and fully understand the 'favours' some couples have!! i use my breasts to tease DH, he uses his, ahem, manhood to tease me.... we sometimes offer favours in return for something the other doesn't really want to do, and its all a bit of fun!!

[AuntieMaggie]

OMG - this post is so funny - though I haven't managed to read all of it!

My DP sometimes says "only if you give me a BJ" when I want something - and yes that has included food when I've been too lazy to go and get it myself!

Sometimes I keep my end of the bargain, sometimes I don't....

[MindingMum]

It goes on in this house too - admittedly I would think twice about posting it though

I can't think of a single one of my friends who doesn't do it either.

Would people have been so 'sad' about it if LEM has said "if you get me a Maccy D's you can go to the pub tomorrow lunchtime" ?

[squilly]

I thought the point of the original post was to be shock-jock type funny. Using humour hasn't been banned on Mumsnet has it? And I know it's going to offend some people, but do some of us really think that op has to barter sex acts to get things done around the house?

My dh often gets the offer of sexual favours in return for jobs...often after he's done them. It's light hearted and fun. It's not meant to be sad or offensive.

I wouldn't rush to mumsnet to announce our 'transactions' but I'm not shocked or saddened by them either.

I just think a burger wasn't enough Although, sometimes I have bartered for the washing up, so who am I to judge the value of the different sex acts???

[lucyellensmum]

now heres a thing, this morning i have; done two loads of washing, got breakfast for all of us (dp usually does this), loaded dishwasher, cleaned kitchen, tidied and cleaned our bedroom (huge task) and changed the sheets (my most hated job). So you see - he now owes me!!! BIG TIME

[squilly]

My word... that would warrant an orgy of unprecedented proportions at our house! Of course, I've never done that much housework in my life, so I wouldn't know how that would pan out!

[TennantbellesMum]

So much of what you've said could have been written by me! I'm not on AD's though, they've not given me one that didn't make me ill and I'd hate to lose my sex drive which would probably happen if they could put my mental health under control (better stop there lol )

Nothing wrong with "favours" you can even get cheque books for favours, it's all in good fun. I'm sure we've all got something we do with our partners that some people would find shocking. Even if you have a "normal" sex life with no "kinks" I'm sure there are some that would be shocked by it!

We have a rule around here, all our problems stay outside the bedroom door. We could have a major row, completely fall out but when we go to bed we still cuddle up. It reminds us that nothing is beyond fixing.

[lucyellensmum]

That is a pretty good rule tennant

[juneybean]

I don't know why LEM shouldn't be able to post stuff like this? MN is home to a lot of people and so she should be able to post about whatever she likes.

She did put "shocking TMI warning" so if you are easily offended, then don't even read it?? But if you are going to read it, why reply and put her down, not very nice at all :/

[jalopy]

It's all about self esteem really.

[lucyellensmum]

Well yes i guess you are right jalopy, although i do have low self esteem I am pretty confident in my ability to drive my DP wild with desire with the mere flick of my tongue, so yes you are right, it really does boost my self esteem .

[Turniphead1]

Juney I didn't say LEM shouldn't post this. But she has asked for opinions - and as a seasoned MNer probably would have guess the range of answers she got!

LEm always posts - tmi etc etc! We should learn by now I guess (and I am appreciative of her humour and down to earthy fun. It would be very boring without her. Still entitles me to be a bit "euugh" at some of the stuff she comes out with...)

On a more boring / serious note - I saw a counsellor when pg with DC no.2 (for grief counselling but obv, your whole life comes up for discussion).

My counsellor (very wise lovely woman with grown up kids) mentioned how common, but destructive, the pattern couples with small children get into (ie you owe me a lie in because I got up at 2am with baby/but I was at work til 7/but I have a cold so you owe me breakfast etc etc). It is a very easy habit to get into - and breeds resentment and I would venture that a culture of partners "owing" each other stuff (whether it is oral sex, shoes, lie ins) can be pretty destructive to a marriage.

I still do it a bit but try not to.