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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a fair exchange (shocking TMI warning)

258 replies

lucyellensmum · 05/07/2008 23:37

I am STARVING i have been to the inlaws so i think that entitles me to a little treat. Well not treat but some food. We didnt go shopping because we went to the inlaws and the only thing that is open is muckdonalds, but hey, im half pissed, i'll eat anything.

The exchange is oral sex for DP going to get me a burger. I just did it, but he is sulking because i didn't go all the way - well i don't want him falling asleep on me do i!!!

So, fair exchange or is this a total abandonment of my feminist principals.

OP posts:
findtheriver · 06/07/2008 15:32

'i have demaned pussy licking (cant bring myself to say that big long c word - yuck) in return for favours, my word!! I am honestly utterly stunned and puzzled. Just so no one thinks im a poor abused woman who has to offer humiliating sexual favours just to get food - he would have got the food anyway. He would have got the bj anyway.' - post by LEM.
I think you have to accept, Dittany, that LEM is a consenting adult and if she chooses to offer a bj in return for a burger, then that's up to her (and her DH). And likewise, she makes it clear that she bargains the other way round when she wants a bit of licking!!
It wouldnt be my choice of how to conduct a relationship, but I think it's incredibly patronising to assume that one partner is subservient to the other, when actually, LEM has stated several times that she 'adores' her dh, this kind of thing is 'loving and playful' etc.
It's really boring, not to mention pretty offensive, to take as your starting point that women are somehow sexually inferior to men, and that any sexual contact is about the man 'getting his way'.
Women should have more respect for eachother, Dittany. If I want sex with my DH, and he wants sex with me, then how the hell is it anyone else's business. (And yes, I do think it's weird to post about giving a BJ).
LEM may complain sometimes that her DH calls her a c*nt, which is something I would find unacceptable, but she clearly feels she's getting enough out of the relationship to be better off in it than out!!

jalopy · 06/07/2008 16:07

Agree with dittany.

It's in context of all her other posts that makes this one particularly depressing rather than funny.

expatinscotland · 06/07/2008 16:09

there really is such a thing as too much information.

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 06/07/2008 16:11

What you failed to cut and paste from my post was that it is only a fair assumption that he does treat me badly because i post whinging about one side of the story. So that is not a fair representation of what i said. I also think that you are failing to see, like many others actually do and don;t mind telling me in no uncertain terms, that there are two sides to my story, any story. I do hate the whole, hes a man ergo he is a bastard attitude that so many women seem to have these days. I think men are great, and not just beause i like leering over that little hairy bit that emerges from low cut jeans on a strapping lad!

I'm going to give up trying to justify myself.

I LIKE sex, actually i LOVE sex, i think it is bloody great, i think it is loving, passionate and mood boosting. I also think it is funny and im a bit of a giggling schoolgirl at heart. But im not entitled to those feelings because we are going through a rough patch ? When our rough patch is caused solely by financial worries and we are doing our best to sort it. If you are under that sort of pressure it is extremely difficult to not snap at each other. Having a healthy sex life is very important, in fact we often say to each other "we should F*^"! more" because it makes us feel close etc.

The attitude that sex is given to a man by a reluctant woman is outdated and ridiculous. We have always joked about the fact that I want it more than he does.

OP posts:
Original poster
lucyellensmum · 06/07/2008 16:12

expat i accept that

OP posts:
Original poster
lucyellensmum · 06/07/2008 16:14

surely it should be a case of, "oh, you have had a rough time of it just lately, good to see you are having some fun"

OP posts:
ladymariner · 06/07/2008 16:20

Don't think anyone is disputing the fact that you are enntitled to have some fun, in fact I think everyone should encourage it, but it's the content of what you post that makes me think "shit, way too much!!!"
Why do you always feel the need to post so graphically. We're all big girls, we get the picture without all the extra stuff.

brightongirldownunder · 06/07/2008 16:20

Is anyone offended by "being taken up the shitter by Noel Edmonds"?
LEM - we all do things we regret on MN. I have recently and ended up apologising on nearly every thread which made me look even more ridiculous. Don't worry - and keep having such a good sex life.

Monkeytrousers · 06/07/2008 16:26

I dunno, it's your DH must have pretty low self esreem to accept the offer imo. Makes a good pair maybe?

And giving someone a blowjob but not 'going the whole way' is a bit cruel - maybe even manipulative. It's certainly not going to put anyone in a good mood, is it?

Wouldn't he have just gone if you said 'please'? That seems like a fair exhance..though for a Macdonalds...

JeremyVile · 06/07/2008 16:29

Couldn't give a stuff whether th bj for burger thing is wrong or not - to me it is, but I accept to lem it's not.

But I don't understand the need to share so much.
Do you talk in this way about your sex life to rl people? if so, how do they react?
How would you feel if your dh was on a forum and shared in the same way?
What do you get out of posting this stuff?
What impression do you think you create?

I'm honestly confuzzled by it. Sex is good, yes we know, but why do you need to tell a bunch of strangers these intimate details?

(..and, yes. I'd be supremely fucking offended at being taken up the shitter by Noel Edmonds)

dittany · 06/07/2008 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brightongirldownunder · 06/07/2008 16:32

JV - hello! We've met on many other threads. How are you? Things ok?
Join the thread on the Edmonds debate.

JeremyVile · 06/07/2008 16:40

(Hi Brightongirl!
I'm very well, thank you, my dear.
I've been loling at the Noel Edmonds thread )

brightongirldownunder · 06/07/2008 16:43

Its getting way out of control over there (hehe)...have you seen the shot of cheggers?
Sorry to break this thread BTW, will disappear..

Saymyname · 06/07/2008 16:43

Um...to the OP - I don't have an opinion either way.

Can't believe such a mindless thread has attracted so many replies...

Ladytophamhatt · 06/07/2008 16:55

When you actually think about the act I don't believe anyone woudl enjoy giving a BJ.

I try not to think about TBH....

YUK!

TheHedgeWitch · 06/07/2008 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

notjustmom · 06/07/2008 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 06/07/2008 17:49

i honestly can't believe its still going on hedgy!! JV yeah, i do talk the same way in RL, my friends react very well to it (most of them are highly intelligent before you assume otherwise), in fact in RL, among friends, this thread is tame. As for strangers, well i obviously don't do it in front of them. But we are all friends here aren't we.

I do accept that just MAYBE it might be a bit OTT to share in such detail (i dont remember indulging in details) on here and i'll refrain in future (don't want to be putting anyone off their wine/organic humous/fruit shoots). What i do not accept is people telling me im sad, and that they honestly think that i was in any way serious about this. If i were in a relationship where the only way i could get my DP to do something would be to offer sex, i would leave, end of.

Anyways, we are having a lovely lazy day today on account of the weather.

I am honestly more upset about painting such a grim picture of my lovely DP. He is not an arse, in fact he is bloody wonderful and you should all be jealous

OP posts:
ImLovinIt · 06/07/2008 17:53

I thought it was funny though it may not have been the best idea to tell all of mumsnet and the rest of the world but fuck it, who cares?

It would definately not have happened that way in this house though because I do what I'm told

I can't see why you got such a bashing (from MN not your dp's cock ) I've seen threads here that were way more TMI.

Each to their own as they say.

themildmanneredjanitor · 06/07/2008 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Love2bake · 06/07/2008 17:59

It sounds fine to me. Although I have no idea why you would post this!

At least it's not too cringy, unlike the last post I read of yours. Still can't shake that image off!!!

justhavingamoan · 06/07/2008 18:08

FFS LEM. After reading some of your posts it worries me what goes on in your head.

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 06/07/2008 18:11

none of you get it, you just don't - i give up. Im sorry i started the thread, but im twenty million times more sorry that i have ever posted stuff about DP and our problems as there just seems to be people who can't accept that yes, his behaviour was unacceptable, but that he loves me and I love him and 99.9% of the time he is a wonderful man who has just had more stress in the past few years than anyone should ever have to have. I have had lots of support on MNet for our financial problems etc, but i didn;'t realise people felt this way about him. I will not be posting anything else about our relationship ever again.

OP posts:
Monkeytrousers · 06/07/2008 18:14

Did I read you right LadyTH? I wouldn't go that far.

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