Parents faking poverty and not buying dc gifts

[FakeFinances]

for some reason approx 6 years ago my parents decided to stop all gifts for birthday Easter and Christmas. They said they just didn’t have the money to do them for the GC. Fine.

Excpet it’s 1. Not true that they can’t afford it and 2. They still buy gifts etc for both my sisters dc???

Everytime I go to see them they openly show me expensive new things, tell me about the cruises and holidays booked and talk finances (positively) then in the same visit they’ll say they have no money so sorry there’s no cake to have with coffee and reiterate that’s why they don’t do gifts anymore???

I have found out that they have still given gifts to all their other GC (I have 2 sisters) and I’m shocked ? When I asked them about it all they said they would not be speaking to me anymore as I was ‘money grabbing’ ? They haven’t spoken to me for 3 months now.

We hadn’t fallen out prior to this I genuinely believed when they first started this that they had just decided no more gifts ? I have 2 dc, my sisters have 6 between them.

Also for context many many years ago there was a slight disagreement when they helped both of my sisters with deposits and I was told I already had a house so I didn’t need the help. I was then given an invoice for ONE occasion when they had taken the dc out for me in my car filled up with petrol and got lunch out and farm park entrance and then afterwards billed me for it ! So there is a weird history of financial inequality

YANBU. It would be fine if they treated all grandchildren the same but they’re not.

Please do not expose your children to their toxic behaviour.

I would stop all visits and not allow them to see your children anymore. Don’t even go there for Christmas.

Have you talked to your sisters about this and what do they say?
Are you doing financially better them?

I think this has what’s shocked me, I had accepted it as they are older probably can’t be bothered buying and wrapping gifts etc , I knew the ‘we can’t afford it’ line wasn’t true really but shrugged it off and then I now feel really annoyed that they just lied to avoid getting my dc gifts? It’s not like they are demanding kids they’d be happy with some sweets/chocolate ! They won’t even stretch to a token gift yet my sisters dc are getting proper gifts ??!!

I wouldn’t mind unless they treated all the grandchildren differently, which they are doing. That’s quite sad really and hurtful.
i think I’d call up dad or mum (whoever is kore likely to give an honest reply) and ask why they are doing this? So they’re aware you know what they’re doing. I personally wouldn’t bother seeing them anymore. I certainly wouldn’t allow them to take the children out if they’re going to invoice me! How do your sisters feel about your children receiving nothing from your parents? Do they know?

It sounds like they are toxic people and you are sadly better off without them in your lives. I’m sorry.

no contact, especially for children is very last resort. The children will be confused and miss their grandparents if they suddenly were forbidden to see them.

I’d be dumbfounded and hurt about the gift situation though. What do your siblings say about it?

Even if OP is doing financially better than her sister, that’s no excuse to exclude her children from presents. Do you honestly think that’s ok?

Neptune have spoken to me in the last 3 months after the disagreement. They have taken the line that I’m only after money ? Which is not the case.
Prior to that they have been distant.
Something happened 6 years ago and I don’t know what as it was only that one occasion previously where they gave me a random bill after asking to have the dc for the day but 6 years ago it changed almost overnight I felt like an outsider ?

They both earn more than me / have bigger homes etc so it’s not that. I’m just upset for the dc that suddenly they are left out ?

What confuses me was the talk in the same conversations about being too poor for gifts for dc and then bragging about spending ???!
Then the outrage when I actually said face to face this doesn’t make sense !

It’s things like the ‘sorry it’s just a coffee or tea as we couldnt afford cake’ then i was seeing on fb my sisters posting ‘afternoon tea with mum’ posts and her replying she loves to treat her girls ? I won’t lie it hurt but it’s just the confusion.

I’m not excusing it but there must be a reason.

Do they not like your partner? did they disapprove or maybe something like having very different political views. Can you think back in detail to six years ago?

Accept the situation for what it is and adjust your time and effort with them. They favour your sister and their children. They haven’t been in touch with you for 3 months. They’re happy to boast about their expenses but can’t put in a little effort for you. We don’t know the full story of your relationship with them but it doesn’t sound like they’re bothered

They've been caught out in their lies and had a tantrum as a result. Honestly Op, they don't seem good parents or grandparents. I think that they have done you a favour, keep them no contact

We’ve always had different political views they’ve known that since I was a teen! They were Tory now Reform !!!! So doubt it’s that. It’s a very distinct point 6 years ago and there’s nothing I can identify.

What @nomassaid no way would I be putting up with this

And neither of your sisters has a clue either??

I asked about your financial situation because sometimes people use that to justify their actions.
It sounds like they just aren't very nice and have all assigned a role to you and this has been going on for a while.
Do you actually like and respect them as people? Or has it just been that they are your parents and you think you should? They do not sound kind.

Are your sisters helping your parents out financially.?

This is shocking. Maybe your sisters know what's going on. Do they think you won money and kept it a secret?

Goodness @FakeFinances, they sound like awful people. They are gaslighting you and pretending that this is your fault, when you challenged their lies.
Surely you know that they are behaving terribly and that your parents shouldn't be taking such blatant favourites among their children and grandchildren? Do they have any good points? Think about it carefully!

I suspect that there is a very long history of you being the black sheep in your family. Could it be that you are so conditioned to this that you never really noticed but have woken up now that it is your own DC being poorly treated? This sort of favouritism is very destructive within families. It's good that they have not contacted them for 3 months. Build your own life with your partner and DC and leave them out of it.

You’ve done nothing, they have made you the scapegoat

they’re basically cunts. Never see them or contact them again. Also sounds like your horrible sisters are on their side so I wouldn’t see or talk to them either.

I’ve heard a story like this before. It’s some weird ‘you’re poorer than us so we think it’s your fault and won’t give you anything’ line. They are all richer than you so think you and treat you as if you deserve nothing.

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. It sounds like you're the scapegoat of the family and their behaviour is typical of one or more narcissists. They don't need a reason to treat you differently or cut you off and their behaviour won't make sense except in their heads. I imagine that there are lots of other examples where you have been treated differently compared to your sisters, not just in relation to finances.

Honestly, they've done you and your children a favour by ignoring you. I'd give them what they want and go no contact, it will be better for you and your children in the long run. Don't let them treat your children badly any more.

Were you treated differently as a child?

Honestly just get into therapy.