Parents faking poverty and not buying dc gifts

[FakeFinances]

for some reason approx 6 years ago my parents decided to stop all gifts for birthday Easter and Christmas. They said they just didn’t have the money to do them for the GC. Fine.

Excpet it’s 1. Not true that they can’t afford it and 2. They still buy gifts etc for both my sisters dc???

Everytime I go to see them they openly show me expensive new things, tell me about the cruises and holidays booked and talk finances (positively) then in the same visit they’ll say they have no money so sorry there’s no cake to have with coffee and reiterate that’s why they don’t do gifts anymore???

I have found out that they have still given gifts to all their other GC (I have 2 sisters) and I’m shocked ? When I asked them about it all they said they would not be speaking to me anymore as I was ‘money grabbing’ ? They haven’t spoken to me for 3 months now.

We hadn’t fallen out prior to this I genuinely believed when they first started this that they had just decided no more gifts ? I have 2 dc, my sisters have 6 between them.

^This. I'm sorry @FakeFinances but you sound like the family scapegoat. Keep away from them.

Yes but I think because I’m the oldest by 10 years so it always felt different as they were so much younger than me

I wonder if it was a small throwaway comment that upset them?! My FIL live far away
and visits 2-3 times a year for a flying visit. Most visits he gave the children 50 pence to go to the shop! Sometimes a pound! My husband joked one time that in our corner shop, we couldn’t get anything for 50pence! Which was actually true! They don’t sell cheap sweets and chocolate bars are closer to a pound each, so they’d need £2 for two bars! So he stopped giving them anything!!! It seemed as though my husband had greatly offended him. The corker is, FIL
is actually very wealthy and recently purchased a holiday home for a serious amount of money.

I wonder if they disapprove of either your partner or your financial choices.

I can’t see how it could be either ! We don’t do anything dramatic financially and dh as lovely as he is is pretty average / can almost come across as boring ! Not anything they could find offensive!

OP, I think this is awful. As both parents and grandparents, we are very careful. to treat our children the same as each other and all our grandchildren the same.
To be honest, I just wouldn’t spend much time with your parents.

I may be picking up on the wrong point here, but why is there a 10-year age gap with your siblings and how old was your mother when you were born? And when did your parents marry?

I was a grandchild who was treated differently by one side of the family. I definitely noticed, and it stayed with me. I didn’t understand why. I also had to watch it upset my parents, especially my mother. No contact would have been kinder and easier for everyone, at least in the long run.

Honestly, your parents sound like dreadful people, both as parents and grandparents. They are so toxic that you would all better off not having them in your lives. At the moment, they have cut you off and you are stressing and trying to find a reason for their behaviour. You need to turn the tables and actively cut them off. Block them on everything and protect yourself and your children from their toxicity and cruelty.

How old are your children? ( - if your siblings children are small, but for example yours are 19 could that be a reason?)

Do you normally all get together for say Christmas or parents birthdays and how does that work out?

They also basically sound like shit parents to you. That's not your fault.

This sounds awful for you, and so upsetting for you and your children to be treated this way.

I see there’s a large age gap between you and your sisters. I’m guessing they’re closer in age to each other? Is there much difference in the ages of all grandchildren?

What was it like for you growing up?

It’s this. My parents are very generous to my sister (always have been) so she is “successful” in their eyes. She also married a wealthy guy. They have a nice lifestyle.

We are the poor relations in comparison. So, mum & dad think that we “don’t need the money” as we don’t go on holiday, make home improvements, have nice car etc…

They also pay money into DN bank account for birthdays, Christmas. But not to my DS. But, can’t see that this financial help is what helped my sister to “succeed” in life.

Difference is that my sister had never been afraid to ask. I’ve never put my hand out. So, you haven’t done anything to offend them. Your sisters are expecting more, and getting it.

Have I misunderstood that it is your parents and sisters who are off with you?

If your children are older it could make sense that the younger GC are receiving gifts while they are little.

I would have a private discussion with my closest sister. Not to change your Mum's gift giving ways but to try to glean understanding about what happened six years ago. Do you have the same fathers?

That’s really sad, I’m so sorry that happened to you growing up. That must have been very hurtful.

They were probably covid lockdown flouters that you disapproved of or anti-vaxers.

This is so horrible for you OP. They are behaving terribly and I’d cut the whole lot of them off.

Is there a history of this since you were a child? If there is a 10yr gap between you and your sisters - are you sure you have the same father?

Correct it’s my parents and sisters

I think so because I do feel I look a bit like my dad ! I asked once about the big age gap as my sisters have just 2 years between them and I got told not to ask about people’s medical history !

I think your kids are well shot of them.

Im on your parents side theres nothing worse than people expecting their parents to pay for things, and you expected them to pay for the petrol in your car is a good example, how often do you take your mum out and spoil her....maybe they are fec up with you going on about money,

This was my first thought too.

How old are your DC? Could they have said something to your parents six years ago that upset them all "mummy thinks granny is a massive dick head because granny likes toreeez"

There’s clearly so much more to this story.