To ask who are these people? Are they human? HOW??

[Dryshampoowho]

I am always so tired...two dc...i work part time, house is always a mess, laundry always in a pile.

Neighbour - 2 dc, full time work in a good career, house is fucking spotless (I have been in at random times multiple times (they do not have a cleaner), kids in multiple activities, dad is a coach for one of the activities (he also works full time).
I thought fair enough that's a lot but fair play to them.

My dc joined a new activity yesterday eve and I bumped into neighbour in the corridor of the building, made our pleasantries, turned out her dc do this activity too and she is the secretary of the club and was at a meeting.

How do they do it?? why do they have so much time? where am i going wrong??

There is a saying OP “If you want something done..ask a busy person!”

but yeah honestly…we all just have different energy levels and different time management skills. I’m more like your neighbour tbh.

Have the got a cleaner? I work part time have a 3 year old partner works full time and I just have enough time to run round and do a. Quick clean before going to bed never mind going to different clubs

OP said no cleaner…

I never understand it either. I am permanently in a state of overwhelm.

I wonder if they have a cleaner?

Busy people seem to build time. You know the phrase “ask a busy person”?

I also think people just have various different approaches.

My husband, and my sibling, seem to have a different mind set to life to mine.

I work full time in a career with national and international travel, we have one child aged 12, I have three horses in full work at home so all chores done between my husband daughter and I, we have four dogs, child plays 2 sports, and I am chairman and secretary of one of the clubs for the sports and I coach some
of the sessions once a month.

for me, I don’t sleep much, and I do a lot of multi tasking. I work on every train- I do emails for sports club whilst on the treadmill 4 times a week at the gym.
I listen to recorded meetings whilst I lift weights and I make phone calls whilst I exercise the horses.

i get all the food shopping delivered, I pay more for convenience and I find it easier to keep on top of the house if it’s tidy.

I also delegate! My daughter pulls her weight. If she wants competitive hobbies, I will pay for it all, I will facilitate it all, but I’m damned if I’m doing it all.

I don’t watch TV unless I’m doing something else like waxing my legs 😂 and I go to bed at midnight and get up at 5.40am.

life isn’t a race though, there’s no superior way to live it! You don’t have to do these things. Lots of people don’t- and it’s fine to live at the pace you are comfortable with. I’ll probably burn out at 40!

Are you a single parent OP? A good partner helps. Are you part time hours all school hours?

Nope I have a partner. He is great but works full time too. They do not have a cleaner.

Different people have different priorities and energy levels etc.
I can’t really relax at home until everything is sorted and tidy, my house is far from a show home but the carpets are hoovered, hard floors are swept/steamed, laundry is up to date and small children have now grown so no toys/bits around anymore. But when they were small everything was put away at the end of the day.
Everyone pulls their weight, dh does all the cooking which frees up some evening time to catch up on any annoying jobs for me, plus we do have a cleaner but that doesn’t mean we don’t have to clean 😂 it means once a week we have to tidy everywhere properly and this is really helpful for us to make sure small piles of things aren’t left to build up.

Some people are just really good at getting stuff done. I thonk you have to be really focused and able to ignore distractions. I bet they don't doom scroll/ spends hours on social media for example.

I started using an app to track my phone use and it was eye opening! Between the half hour or so in the morning with my cuppa, my lunch break, doom scrolling if there's nothing on TV, having 30 5 mins to myself in the car here and there... Over 30 hours a week... if I could tap into that time and use it productively I could have a tidy house, work out regularly, take up a hobby, have time for a decent skin care regime etc etc!

I didn’t ask if they have a cleaner, it says that in your OP.

I think multi tasking and getting up early is key OP, and if any of your non working hours are when the kids are at school utilise them well.

My kids never really attend clubs as I am work and unable to take them unfortunately, but apart from that I think I am one of those high energy people you describe. I think because my life is so busy, I tidy and clean as I go along and cannot stand anything being untidy or laundry piles as for me it means a loss of control. I sometimes wish I could relax a bit more about that. I am on the go from 5 am when I hit the gym to 9 pm when I finally sit down for an hour to watch tv or read. I don’t procrastinate and don’t just sit and scroll on my phone or watch tv.

Just to make you feel better OP, if I only slept 5hours 40 per night I would actually die. I haven't worked full time in years because of family things but also because I work so hard and intensely I override my own boundaries and have to build in space around work - that's probably ND traits compromising my ability. I get tearful and weepy if I have too much on, my executive function has dropped at menopause, and cleaning the house every week would be far too much for me so I would rather have our cleaner than enough money for food. I can work hard and intensely and do emails on the treadmill blah blah and can do that pretty effectively, but would then have a crash. About every 6 months my body gives me a terrible cold and I stay in bed for 3 days. I think it is actually a mini burnout.

Just to show that we are all different with different tolerances for things.

Here’s your answer. Some people have a lot of energy and don’t need much sleep. Plus if you don’t watch tv you have every evening after dinner to tidy or do jobs.
ETA I’m not one of these people, I need lots of sleep and down time, although I don’t watch much tv and that is a big help.

The reason I can do so much is that I have ADHD and a huge amount of RSD so try to people please as much as I can.

I’ve always put it down to different tolerances, preferences and life style.
I used to work six days a week, and volunteer and have lots of other groups to attend, plus likes after my m.i.l and had animals. I had spare time too. But I didn’t watch tv, housework was done daily max an hour, I had a partner who would do the shopping and some of the annual life admin (car service etc) and I didn’t do holidays at all. No kids.
Yet someone else would have completely different priorities and wonder why they could do what I was doing….
We all have a finite amount of time per week. Just like money, we all spend it on different things. I look at other and think how do you do all that and then realise I likely don’t do any of them… different priorities.

Well I get up very early but I'm always knackered, I think I overdid over the years and I am now burnt out. I can't anymore. My house's a tip, clothes have taken over, dh is fantastic but we're both exhausted

I actually think also (which some might find controversial) but “the less you do…the less you do!” It really feeds itself. I have a relative who works part time but REALLY struggles to get motivated to do things. Because she doesn’t see time as precious, she has loads, it can wait “I’ll do it later” attitude. We had a big birthday for a gran aunt and my cousin ordered a cake. Asked this relative to collect it on a certain day as she was off and lived around the corner. Well COB on the day my cousin gets a call from the shop, the cake had not been collected and they were open for another half hour. She rang my relative who said oh god I totally forgot, I was having lunch etc. I can’t do it now I’m just about to hop in the shower…can it wait until tomorrow. I’ll definitely do it then 🙄🙄

I would love to know the secret too. I would say that they both pull their weight around the home and work as a team to get things done. The kids probably have screen time whilst this is done. My dh doesn't pull his weight but I think if he did our house would be tidy too. I finish work at 5, come home. Dinner, homework, bath, stories and bam it's 9pm. I have time to tidy up after dinner and maybe stick on a wash and by then I'm exhausted.

Sounds like the whole family are out of the house most of the time and don't have home based hobbies so probably make a lot
less mess than someone who is the opposite.

Takeaways and ready meals or eating out...less cooking and washing up.

Space and budget for a good size washing machine and tumble dryer means you're not hanging around waiting for stuff to dry before putting it away.

As a PP said, if they commute by public transport, working or doing life admin during that time to save time at home.

I should add I have picked all this up from others...I am definitely not one of these people!

I can get a lot done in a week and keep the house nice, but I have to give up almost all leisure and downtime for myself and usually turn down some nice plans in favour of tidying. So sometimes I do, mostly I don't.

It's not a moral failing on your part OP - I know it's hard not to feel inferior but ultimately everyone has different energy levels, executive function, management skills etc., and there isn't a lot you can do to change the hand you're given. You can come up with systems and organisational tips and tricks which might help, but if you're a person to whom executive function doesn't come easily, you can't magically become someone for whom it does.

You also shouldn't compare their "outsides" to your "insides". You see part of their lives - the spotless house, the activities, etc., and you're comparing that to the detailed minutiae of your own life. That's not a fair comparison! Maybe you cook from scratch more, or spend more time on homework, or have more family time. Maybe they have family help, more childcare, You can all be good people and good parents and still have very different priorities and lives which look completely different.

I am that busy person 😩 but the more busy life is, the more productive I am.

It sounds to me like they aren’t actually at home all that much which means it has less chance to get untidy,
My home is clean but because we home ed and so are home more than average and it can get messy at times. there are things dotted around like books, lego builds in progress and so on.

Shit, I'm exhausted reading that.

But it does explain why my life is very different to yours 😂