To ask who are these people? Are they human? HOW??

[Dryshampoowho]

I am always so tired...two dc...i work part time, house is always a mess, laundry always in a pile.

Neighbour - 2 dc, full time work in a good career, house is fucking spotless (I have been in at random times multiple times (they do not have a cleaner), kids in multiple activities, dad is a coach for one of the activities (he also works full time).
I thought fair enough that's a lot but fair play to them.

My dc joined a new activity yesterday eve and I bumped into neighbour in the corridor of the building, made our pleasantries, turned out her dc do this activity too and she is the secretary of the club and was at a meeting.

How do they do it?? why do they have so much time? where am i going wrong??

No one is perfect. My house will appear clean but that's because I'm a ruthless tidier - I'm actually not great at keeping up with proper cleaning at all, but I can't focus if there's stuff everywhere. My kids' rooms tend to be total tips as I can't keep arguing with them about it (I think my ruthless tidying annoys them a lot so they go wildly in the other direction!)

I work FT as does my husband, we have no family here (immigrants) so it's just us. He travels for work sometimes. My kids have clubs and activities most days and I volunteer at a few different places.

BUT I am terrible at self care, my car is a mess, I don't see a lot of my friends and I am struggling a bit at work just now. Basically I'm saying that some of the things that I prioritise just mean I'm not prioritising something else - no one is magically good at it all.

I work two jobs and am a menopausal single mum. My place is immaculate.
I think it’s about priorities. I love my home; mess and clutter stress me out. I’m a real homebody and would prioritise that over having a social life.
So there’s plenty of people out there who wouldn’t like my introverted, cosy life. Each to their own!

This is fascinating to me because my brain is no more capable of performing like this than my body is of running 100m in 10 seconds. It just couldn't do it, I have to have quite a lot of quiet, dead brain space through the day where I am on autopilot or I would have a complete meltdown very quickly. It's not a mind set in the sense of it being a choice, it's not about sleep (I also don't need a huge amount) or baseline intelligence (I did well academically), it's just being wired very differently.

House is spotless because they are never there. Kids in multiple activities, parents both working FT....

I dont know, but im in AWE.
Im even more in awe when people like this arent twats about other people's habits - you know the types who think watching a bit of shit tv to unwind or not being a morning person is some kind of moral failing. I have a family member like this who thinks the rest of us are lazy thickos for, god forbid, watching a bit of TV in the evening and leaving a piece of non-urgent DIY longer than a couple of weeks.

We all have different energy levels. I am single, no kids, live alone small flat. My place is constantly untidy because I always have zero energy when I get home / on the weekends.

So you are doing better than me OP.

Different people have different energy and priorities. Look at Stacey Solomon, I just can’t see where she has the time and energy but I suspect some of it is adhd which while different to men, can still mean increased levels of physical hyperactivity. My kind is hyper so my body sometimes feels exhausted before I’ve even started to do anything.

Sometimes it’s strategies, cleaning up right after you use something helps. Laundry once a day. Also if they are out all the day they aren’t messing up the home as much as people are home all day.

I used to be very low energy, struggled with basics, felt constantly exhausted on 9 hours of sleep, etc. I lost a ton of weight, got B12 injections, started to exercise and get fitter and now I’m one of those people where friends are like ‘How do you fit it all in?!’

I guess I just thrive on being busy now, I volunteer two nights a week, work, I run races so train quite a lot for those. DH does a lot of the heavy lifting at home too, so that makes life a lot easier. I sleep 6-7 hours a night, which is enough for me now.

I don’t watch TV much. I suppose I purposefully watch stuff if there’s something specific, but I wouldn’t sit down in the evening and turn on the TV and flick through the channels, for example, or spend a whole evening in front of TV. I spend an hour before sleep reading usually.

I sometimes do wish for some downtime but then it arrives and I feel a bit at a loose end, so I think you just get used to a way of life.

They probably don't waste/spend time of social media/mumsnet etc.

Doom scrolling eats up time.

TV eats up time.

They probably rise early and to bed late so maximise the day.

They probably multi task well.

From my observations, extremely productive people:
Do not watch tv
Do not doom scroll
know exactly what they want to achieve when they get up - ie set targets
Multi - task

i have been that person but I did burn out. Now I’m happy to watch tv - meditate and potter about . . . Stuff gets done just at a much slower pace. It does help that I don’t have as many responsibilities anymore.

My house would still be messy

I will say that my house isn’t spotless. We have a cleaner weekly so it’s serviceable but spotless isn’t really something I care about, tidy and clean enough does me, I would rather use any further time on other stuff I care about more. So it’s also a priorities thing and that will be different for everyone.

Haha! This is me. My house is spotless; beds made, kitchen counters cleared, nothing on the floors, washing put away. I have 2 DC, a dog and work full time. DH works away and coaches at the weekend. I do all the cleaning constantly as I grew up in a very messy environment (bordering on hoarder type situation) and I hated it. I could never have friends over and we used to have to hide when people came to the door. It was horrible. I don't want that for my DC so I probably do spread myself thin, but I know it's a better environment for my DC so they can have friends over at the drop of a hat and I don't have that stomach churning feeling when I used to go home to a messy house.

my sister is your neighbour. She is a very "little and often" "clean as you go" type. Even when you go round for a cuppa she will often just be chatting and casually wiping down the surfaces as she goes, washing a single dish. She can't sit still at night until everything is tidied away. I envy her ability. My household could create mess without moving and I can never seem to stop it. But I love the chaos, it would drive her scatty. We all have our own ways

To have that level of cleanliness comes at a cost.
There will be rules inside the house.For eating, when, where. For toys, when, where. For pretty much everything. And strictly enforced. Endless cleaning will occur.
I know this as my DH grew up in such a house. And says there was a price to pay for it.
It sounds as though it might be reinforced by dad who is a coach. Standards, achieve, rules etc.
That is how it happens. The children will either turn out the same. Or become nightmares as teenagers. Or the parents have to be less focused on having a show home by then.

(they do not have a cleaner) from the OP. Do people not read before posting?

I struggle and I don't have half the stuff going on that you do.

Don't beat yourself up.

I know a single Mum who works full time and her house is a bomb site but the children are happy!

My house is a bomb site without all of that!

My married friend, whose children are all grown up and left the nest now, said the only way they got anything done (both working full time), was a strict, military type schedule on a whiteboard. Some things didn't always get done, but a tightly followed routine was key. Still no idea how though!

I’d guess her dh does equal, so they share the load, cleaner and good childcare. Maybe not but I think those three things would mean anyone could do anything!!

I do agree with this, but also, when you are all busy, no one is in the house. It doesn’t get as messy as if you’re home with the kids all afternoon.

They also probably have careers where working til 10/11pm is the standard. I don’t do this as much anymore, but when I did, it wasn’t a big deal to tidy the lounge or clean the kitchen in between work emails. I wasn’t slumped in front of the tv from 8pm every night.

Some people just have more energy than others, or are better at time management (or both). My Mum was like this. I still don’t understand how she fitted everything in. FT work in senior role, mum to two children, carer for elderly father, school governor, Guide leader, tidy and clean house, very active social life… Sadly, she rarely had time to sit and have a proper meal. She was so busy looking after everyone else, she actually neglected herself somewhat.

I am nothing like her. I like a lazy life.

Honestly, I think we are all just wired quite differently.

Not sure if this is just a moan or you genuinely want to know?

If it's a genuine question I imagine it's a combination of putting a lot of effort in, with being super disciplined and organized, and also a pinch of luck.

The effort - I personally don't watch TV. The evenings when I get home from work I cook, do kids' bedtime, then do jobs round the house till my bedtime. I don't sit down but then I'm sat down at work all day. I realised most people I know who say they have no time watch TV for like 4 hours every night where I literally would only sit on my behind in front of the TV as a last resort if there's nothing else that needs doing.

The discipline - getting kids to pick up after themselves and having a house which is super organized so everything has its place. Easier to keep tidy. I implemented this the last few years and a game changer.

The luck - some kids are more amenable to learning to pick up after themselves. Some people have naturally larger reserves of energy.

What makes you happy would be my question. And then focus on what achieves that. For my family, being really busy would make us all disordered and grumpy. We need to stop going for wanting to be perfect across the board. Does your life make you and yours happy @Dryshampoowho ? My mum always tells me that housework will still be there when we’re dead.

Just for balance I am friends with one of these people. Obviously these kinds of ppl multitask the rest of us into oblivion. Even friendships. We live 600 miles apart but are good childhood friends.

I can't recall the last time I had a phone call catch up with her when she wasn't busy doing something else. It's so hard to have a conversation catch up with someone whose mind is on another task. Her life is so busy she cannot find time to just sit and talk.

I prefer to sit down with a tea and my ear-pods for catching up with friends. The only other thing I am multitasking with my catch ups is the biscuits!

I feel like that, I can't relax if there's mess so the idea of chilling out whilst complaining about mess is a bit crazy. Can't relax till mess is gone so keeping everything shipshape enables me to have a bit of downtime.