Page 8 | To have booked this for me and dh?

CherrysyrupCoffee · 2026-11-02T17:22:36+00:00

Dh has been saying for ages that he wants to start a particular hobby/activity. He hasn’t made any move to actually start but talks about it a lot. Recently he had mentioned it to a friend (female) and said to me he might ask her if she wants to do it with him? I said ‘why haven’t you asked me?!’ He said he didn’t think it was my sort of thing despite the fact I’d said it sounded fun. Anyway I’ve booked it for us both. He isn’t happy! Said how he has to let down his friend I said ‘so ? She can still do it if she really wants to?’ He said I shouldn’t have muscled in ??!!!

UnintentionalArcher · Today 21:53

PumpkinsForLife · Today 19:42

"Sounds like fun" isn't the same as "I'd like to join you for that". My husband and I say "sounds like fun" to plenty of things that we know the other will enjoy but we have no intention of doing ourselves.

Why didn't OP just explicitly say "sounds like fun, shall we do it together?". She seems to be relying on some kind of weird mind-reading rather than just normal communication. He "seemed like" he wanted to do it alone but it sounds like she just assumed that rather than him saying it explicitly, and she didn't explicitly say she'd like to join him. So to her husband, she's made a few comments about it sounding fun but not actually expressed a desire to go until the female friend came into the picture.

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I agree with this. Some people just don’t say what they mean - unless the OP is leaving a lot of conversational detail out, but I think that’s unlikely as a few posters have asked about it. If she had actually told her husband that she wanted to do it, I think she’d have told us by now.

maxslice · Today 22:03

Lookingforwardtospringnextyear · Today 21:01

It' not jealousy at all. Because jealousy is an unreasonable emotion and OP she is definitely not being unreasonable. She is his wife therefore she has every right to expect to be the most important woman in his life. She is very entitled to feel hurt and angry . Being hurt and angry is not at all the same as being jealous.
Why are you and other pp tryng to portray OP as unreasonable when it is her H who is being totally unreasonable by prioritising another woman over OP - his wife and the woman the made vows too.? Don't know what OP is supposed to have done to deserve this pile on.

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OP. Can certainly be the most important woman in his life. But he should be able to have friends who are women without having to deal with her unreasonable, unrealistic expectations.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · Today 22:03

Your marriage does not sound healthy. Neither you or him discussed doing this hobby together?

Now that he made plans you took over and decided his friend can’t come?

You are so focused on being right, you seem to not be looking at your actual relationship and your partners feelings.

You can believe you are right all you want, but that kind of attitude will end with you both miserable or single.

donotknowhowtofeel · Today 22:03

If my partner did this to me, I would refuse to go with him, whether it was booked or not. This is bonkers behavior and should not be rewarded with acquiescence. People are 'allowed' to do things with others and want to do things with others. If you are hurt about how he went about it, discuss it with him like a grown up rather than muscling in.

NewGoldFox · Today 22:18

Why do you think he has expressed a preference to do the hobby with her and not you?
I think you’re wise to remind him you are worth doing hobbies with too and not just her indoors.

TheGoodEnoughWife · Today 22:27

donotknowhowtofeel · Today 22:03

If my partner did this to me, I would refuse to go with him, whether it was booked or not. This is bonkers behavior and should not be rewarded with acquiescence. People are 'allowed' to do things with others and want to do things with others. If you are hurt about how he went about it, discuss it with him like a grown up rather than muscling in.

Muscling in? This is her husband! At the point I would have to muscle in to something in order to be included in my husband’s plans I would definitely see the relationship as done.

He could have expressed an interest in doing this with his wife. He didn’t. He doesn’t want to do it alone however he wants to do it with another women.

Also he lied. He suggested he might ask this other woman and then when the OP has booked he then has to let the other woman down?! He had already made plans with the other woman and was softly softly dropping this information to his wife.

The relationship is doomed but not from anything the OP has done.

PollyBell · Today 22:33

TheGoodEnoughWife · Today 22:27

Muscling in? This is her husband! At the point I would have to muscle in to something in order to be included in my husband’s plans I would definitely see the relationship as done.

He could have expressed an interest in doing this with his wife. He didn’t. He doesn’t want to do it alone however he wants to do it with another women.

Also he lied. He suggested he might ask this other woman and then when the OP has booked he then has to let the other woman down?! He had already made plans with the other woman and was softly softly dropping this information to his wife.

The relationship is doomed but not from anything the OP has done.

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How do you know the op hasn't done anything? We only have the op's version of this

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · Today 22:35

You hadn't said you'd like to do the hobby, or asked if you could join him. When you said it sounded fun etc, he'd have reasonably assumed you meant fun for him and other people who like that sort of thing. I say encouraging things to my husband about his bowls matches, but he knows if I wanted to join him I'd just ask.

Just let his friend take your place. She wants to go to padel or whatever it is.

TheGoodEnoughWife · Today 22:36

To be fair we only have the OPs version and the made up shit all over this thread!

We always only have one side and take that in good faith.

TheGoodEnoughWife · Today 22:37

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · Today 22:35

You hadn't said you'd like to do the hobby, or asked if you could join him. When you said it sounded fun etc, he'd have reasonably assumed you meant fun for him and other people who like that sort of thing. I say encouraging things to my husband about his bowls matches, but he knows if I wanted to join him I'd just ask.

Just let his friend take your place. She wants to go to padel or whatever it is.

Why hadn’t the husband actually asked if the OP would like to join him? Why is it on her to suggest this? Because he had someone else lined up!

Lookingforwardtospringnextyear · Today 22:37

maxslice · Today 22:03

OP. Can certainly be the most important woman in his life. But he should be able to have friends who are women without having to deal with her unreasonable, unrealistic expectations.

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Have you actually read OP's posts? Because your reference to unreasonable unrealistic expectations makes absolutely no sense at all in relation to what she has said. And neither does your reference to not being allowed to have female friends

donotknowhowtofeel · Today 22:40

TheGoodEnoughWife · Today 22:27

Muscling in? This is her husband! At the point I would have to muscle in to something in order to be included in my husband’s plans I would definitely see the relationship as done.

He could have expressed an interest in doing this with his wife. He didn’t. He doesn’t want to do it alone however he wants to do it with another women.

Also he lied. He suggested he might ask this other woman and then when the OP has booked he then has to let the other woman down?! He had already made plans with the other woman and was softly softly dropping this information to his wife.

The relationship is doomed but not from anything the OP has done.

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She booked this without having a conversation with him, and, as she admits, because he was doing it with a female friend. I don't make such unilateral decisions for my partner and neither would I appreciate it if he did. This dynamic is not healthy - for many reasons. He thinks she was 'muscling in' and I agree. Have a conversation rather than present your partner with a fait accompli and expect them to go along because 'well, it's booked now'! Not mature.

Doubleskunk · Today 22:42

I’d be annoyed as well by dh’s reaction as he was prioritising the female’s friends feelings over his wife’s, and he seems disappointed he can’t do it with the friend. It’s as if the hobby is an excuse to hook up with the friend,