To have booked this for me and dh?

[CherrysyrupCoffee]

Dh has been saying for ages that he wants to start a particular hobby/activity. He hasn’t made any move to actually start but talks about it a lot.

Recently he had mentioned it to a friend (female) and said to me he might ask her if she wants to do it with him? I said ‘why haven’t you asked me?!’ He said he didn’t think it was my sort of thing despite the fact I’d said it sounded fun.

Anyway I’ve booked it for us both. He isn’t happy! Said how he has to let down his friend I said ‘so ? She can still do it if she really wants to?’ He said I shouldn’t have muscled in ??!!!

"Sounds like fun" isn't the same as "I'd like to join you for that". My husband and I say "sounds like fun" to plenty of things that we know the other will enjoy but we have no intention of doing ourselves.

Why didn't OP just explicitly say "sounds like fun, shall we do it together?". She seems to be relying on some kind of weird mind-reading rather than just normal communication. He "seemed like" he wanted to do it alone but it sounds like she just assumed that rather than him saying it explicitly, and she didn't explicitly say she'd like to join him. So to her husband, she's made a few comments about it sounding fun but not actually expressed a desire to go until the female friend came into the picture.

Cosy 😂

This!!! What he has done is very questionable. Presented it as though he’s doing it on his own when his wife expressed an interest in it - and now she’s booked it, it turns out that the plan is for him to go to this activity with someone else.

He obviously had no intention of being honest about this until OP booked it which then caused him a problem.

As he won’t get it together to go regularly, go with the friend instead. You will have a better time

No, you’ll just look controlling and jealous. That’s how I’d see it if I were the friend.

It's cycling, isn't it?

It's always cycling.

Nah, I would just want to get as far as way as possible if I were that friend. Not a marital dynamic I'd want any part of tbh. I'd leave you both to that mess.

She’s NOT the “OW”. She’s an old friend from uni. That’s all. OP supposedly also knows her and hasn’t had a problem with her until now. Does OP have any male friends at all? If not, that’s sad. Friends of all varieties enrich our lives. OP seems very insecure and kind of suffocating.

I see why you'd be miffed at him asking her and not you.

Could it be that someone has to be at home and he thinks arranging childcare is an extra bother?

Is it sport related and he doesn't think you're fit enough but don't want to say that to you?

Does it involve costs and so now it's double the price?

Or is it that he really wants to get away from you?

Ultimately, the way you dealt with it comes across as bitter and insecure. There's definitely communication problems in your relationship.

He’s literally been talking about it for ages and then told OP he’s going to go with his friend.

OP only booked it because he told her he wanted to go with his friend.

If he hadn’t mentioned going with his friend then OP wouldn’t have booked it.

Hopefully DH will still go with his friend and OP can go with someone else.

This comment shows exactly why you booked it!! It’s been spoke about for a while and no plans made, the minute he mentions a female friend you butt in and book it out of jealousy!!

I think you made the wrong call OP and I'd be irritated too.
There's something that feels quite scheming about it, like you've sat there and thought "I'll soon put a stop to that..!" and then manouvered the situation to bring him to heel.
You're technically correct, he has no argument, because why not do it with you indeed? But the way you've gone about it, knowing you'd have him cornered feels sly somehow.
You'd have been better when he mentioned going with her to ask him straight if you could do it together instead.

Of course it’s the woman’s fault, her and her shoddy morals. She should focus her time on moderating men’s decisions, and taking accountability for his actions.

Of course it’s jealousy? He doesn’t want his wife there he wants someone else there and she is JEALOUS of that.

Im not saying she is wrong to be but that’s exactly what it is. JEALOUSY.

Have you posted recently about this man op?

first result on google:

JEALOUSY:

ˈJealousy is a complex emotional response triggered by the fear of losing something or someone valuable—such as a romantic partner, a close friendship, or a status—to a real or imagined rival.

In that case, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.

Do CAPITAL LETTERS make someone right now on here..?

Because he wants to do it with someone other than you! You’re not glued together!

😂yea of course

YES

Certainly doesn't sound fun now, does it? You only there with him to keep him close, him only there with you because you've forced it. I hope this things refundable.

CAPITAL LETTERS in italics, bold and underlined are the best choice.

Yes you are trying to be controlling