To have booked this for me and dh?

[CherrysyrupCoffee]

Dh has been saying for ages that he wants to start a particular hobby/activity. He hasn’t made any move to actually start but talks about it a lot.

Recently he had mentioned it to a friend (female) and said to me he might ask her if she wants to do it with him? I said ‘why haven’t you asked me?!’ He said he didn’t think it was my sort of thing despite the fact I’d said it sounded fun.

Anyway I’ve booked it for us both. He isn’t happy! Said how he has to let down his friend I said ‘so ? She can still do it if she really wants to?’ He said I shouldn’t have muscled in ??!!!

Because this place is mental sometimes

This is so obviously upsetting to the @CherrysyrupCoffee , and reasonably so, but now she’s controlling and jealous for arranging an activity with her husband, that he has said he’d like to do

I would say some of these posters are men.. but then they get tetchy, whoever they are.. or they have internalised misogyny..they get tetchy about that too... OR they have such low bars in a relationship they accept any old shit.. tetchy responses again.. several options.

I don't think female friends are the same as male friends for a married man. Some people do. The views on this will heavily colour what kind of response you get. It's such a fundamental difference that I really don't think there will be agreement between you and anyone for whom this scenario would have been identical had the friend been a man.

Ideally perhaps it would have been best to have had a conversation about how you felt when he mentioned doing it with a female friend. It's worse for you this way because you don't know if he's miffed at being swept along or at you being the one he's doing it with. I think you need to talk to him.

Yes, but before he'd made any actual arrangements.

Good for you, but do you prioritise doing things with him over doing them with DH?

If you wanted to somewhere or do something new, who'd be the first person you'd consider?

Really? There are things that I do with friends that I don't ask dh to. Me and a friend are starting a gym class together, dh would probably like the class but I fancied doing something with my friend. I think thats ok and its healthy to do things with friends as well as spouse. My husband isn't always the first person I ask to do things

She is the OW in the respect that his wife, OP, is supposedly the one he is in a life partnership with. She is his supposed to be his primary relationship. Therefore any other woman in his friendship circle/ aquantainship circle is by definition the OW.

I think you’re right to do a hobby you think sounds fun - not keen on your H attitude to you taking part though! What’s up with him?? You need a long chat together about all of this.
I wouldn’t like my H to go and do a fun thing with a female friend …. but then I’m a naturally suspicious and jealous person 🤣
Having said that my H wouldn’t want me to do a fun hobby with another man either, old friend or not.

Did you actually read the OP? It really helps if you do that first instead of rushing to make excuses for this cunt of a man.

I think everyone's missing that this is an activity you had talked about doing together, and now he's switched to wanting to do it with his friend so you miss out. I wouldn't be happy about that, either, op!

Saying that sounds like fun doesn't necessarily indicate that you want to do the activities though. If my DH talked about a new hobby and I fancied trying it I would say so. If he said he wanted to try the local Ninja warriors course I would say that sounds fun, because it does but I wouldn't want to do it. If he said he fancied trying the new escape room I would say yeah sounds fun I am well up for it. If he didn't know you wanted to try it and you never said so then why shouldn't he ask a long standing friend. And if you actually wanted to do it with him that much why didn't you book it before he asked someone else. People aren't mind readers.

75% don't think you are unreasonable. So just because most of the people posting remarks think you are, there are more people agreeing with you in the background

I don't think they had discussed doing it together...more that husband said a few times he wanted to do it. Op confirmed it sounded fun but didn't suggest they do it together, or actually say she planned to do it until he had made the plans with his friend. Then op suddenly booked it.

Where have you got that from ?

The OP hasn't said they had talked about doing it together.

He sounds like a wet blanket. Talking about something but not getting off his backside to do it himself. Let him crack on.

Sounds like you're just jealous of him spending time with his female friend to be honest.

Agreed and mentioning a pal then highlighted the fact he didn’t want to do it alone.
so why didn’t he say when talking about it and Op agreeing it sounded good just say “did you fancy it?”

I think him going in a grump is odd but I’d have asked why he didn’t ask me first before booking anything

I would be offended and consider you insecure and controlling and that without reason, you don’t trust your husband. I’d feel sorry for your husband. I might show up at the same time because you are not in charge of what I can or cannot do or when.

What rubbish.

Your husbands friend has done nothing wrong, it is your own husband who doesn’t want you there.

When the jealousy bites,,,

What do you mean ?
Please explain.

Jealousy?
What are you referring to please?
Op has every right to be concerned if her H prefers to spend time with another woman. It's nothing to do with Jealousy. As I am sure you are perfectly aware .

Is the fat old man a friend since uni? If so, then I’m sure he would.

Cosy 😂