To have booked this for me and dh?

[CherrysyrupCoffee]

Dh has been saying for ages that he wants to start a particular hobby/activity. He hasn’t made any move to actually start but talks about it a lot.

Recently he had mentioned it to a friend (female) and said to me he might ask her if she wants to do it with him? I said ‘why haven’t you asked me?!’ He said he didn’t think it was my sort of thing despite the fact I’d said it sounded fun.

Anyway I’ve booked it for us both. He isn’t happy! Said how he has to let down his friend I said ‘so ? She can still do it if she really wants to?’ He said I shouldn’t have muscled in ??!!!

I think it is odd he didn't want to invite you a long when you showed an interest but then considered asking another woman to go. And odd he says he'd be letting her down when he was only thinking of asking her apparently. And his annoyed reaction is odd also.

Can't he go with you and go with her anyway. His reaction seems very peculiar to me as are oeoples reactions on here.

I'd probably be pissed off too. Especially if you've been hearing about it for ages , it might be the case that the more you hear about it, the more appealing it begins to sound .
Your options are go with him without her , go yourself or go with her without him
Don't miss out on an activity you've booked because of what people have said on this thread.

Scuba diving?

Yes I'd be pissed off if he asked another woman when I'd shown an interest in the hobby. Especially when she has no more knowledge or experience of it than you do. Surely under those circumstances his first thought would be to ask his actual wife.

So you showed zero inclination to join him until he decided he was going to do it with an old friend and then you decided to not only take over - but try to sabotage his friendship at the same time. If a man did this he would be rightly called controlling.

Hmmm I'd be upset and annoyed too. Suspicious frankly. Have you mentioned the hobby yet? Climbing?

It does seem odd that he has been making a big deal out of this hobby and you’ve shown interest and it’s not been done but the second another women wants to go his all up
for actually getting it booked till his own wife who his been telling all about it books it then it’s suddenly a problem.

Spidey senses would be tingling not going to lie.

It would be different if it was hey you remember Amanda? From uni? She’s taken up abseiling and said I should come along for a session so I’m going to do that.

Vs what your husband has done which is big up a hobby get you interested in it not start it but then invite another woman and finally be ready to book it and be pissed when you join.

Did you actually say 'that sounds good, we could do it together?'

If not, he might have took your encouragement as you were happy for him to do it and he's thought to ask a friend.

Do you do other hobbies together or separate?

So you do have a bit of an issue with it. I can see it from both sides. Of course he can have female friends / you can have male friends but then equally.. it’s not inconceivable that an affair can start when friends bond over their hobby.

So is this what you think might happen? In which case there is already an issue in your relationship. If you were feeling uncomfortable with it then surely the thing to do would be to raise this with him and being honest rather than muscling in on something you didn’t have an interest in before.

PS.OP don't listen to the bonkers posts here saying you're controlling. You're not x

Then why couldn't he say that to his wife.

Honestly it sound really odd behavior to me from him - almost like he trying to engineering time with this woman with OP not there.

He's mentioned it for months and OP expressed interest - most people would book it either with wife or say they wanted to do it themselves - why mention it for months ignore OP interest then invite an old friends over OP. It's fucking odd all round.

Not sure OP is controlling as rather bemused by DH behavior.

PS.OP don’t listen to the bonkers posts here saying you’re not controlling. You are x

YABU and I don’t get why these (naive) posters are having a go at you.

Go and bond with your DH. That sounds a great idea. And he can do something new and interesting with his wife. Well done for moving him forward with something he wants to do. It was a smart move - don’t be defensive, be cheerful about the hobby.

All of the other stuff is bullshit.

With DH it would be me - the grown kids or mates - and if he didn't want to do it with me or kids he wouldn't mention it for months in front of us but tell us he was doing it was a mate and when. It wouldn't be months of dangling as possible group/family activity.

This is a tough one because if he’s got this friend and you’re fine with him having a female friend then why would it be weird he wants to do a hobby with his friend?

Having said that, I am a “men and women can’t really ever just be friends” person. But I wouldn’t pretend I didn’t mind the friendship for years and then try and control my DH’s friendship when I found my jealousy too much to ignore.

I’m sure he wouldn’t be so keen if it was a fat old man who wanted to do the activity with him

Because sometimes its nice to do something with a friend instead of your spouse

My dh likes puppy's but I didn't invite him to do puppy yoga, I chose to do it with a friend instead.

Its fine to not do everything together as a couple

So you were being competitive with the other person 😉 If he’s going do it with anyone, you come first sort of thing was what you were thinking. This is why he’s not happy, I think. Also I’m getting the vibes that he may have wanted to do it with her 😬 Sorry OP! Is she just a friend? 🤔

Nasty aren't they

"a men and women can't really ever just be friends" person is presumably unable to accept the evidence of billions of people across the world. Sounds rational.

Billions? I see..

Well you could see it either way couldn’t you? How many affairs start with “just friends” or whatever. There is significant evidence in both directions unfortunately.

FWIW, my DM has had a male friend since she was a teenager. She has no romantic interest in him and they would never end up in an affair, but it’s quite clear that he has “secret admirer” type feelings that he would never ever act on. So, yes there might be “friends” that never go further than that, but it doesn’t mean that one of them (or both even) doesn’t want that deep down.

This I agree with 👏

Hmm I could understand your point but the fact you then say she should step back makes you seem a bit unhinged. If he wants to do the activity, you want to do the activity and she does to then i don't see the issue of you all going.