To have booked this for me and dh?

[CherrysyrupCoffee]

Dh has been saying for ages that he wants to start a particular hobby/activity. He hasn’t made any move to actually start but talks about it a lot.

Recently he had mentioned it to a friend (female) and said to me he might ask her if she wants to do it with him? I said ‘why haven’t you asked me?!’ He said he didn’t think it was my sort of thing despite the fact I’d said it sounded fun.

Anyway I’ve booked it for us both. He isn’t happy! Said how he has to let down his friend I said ‘so ? She can still do it if she really wants to?’ He said I shouldn’t have muscled in ??!!!

Presumably the reason he didn’t ask you is because he’s been talking about it for ages, and I guess you haven’t shown any interest in all that time?

I’d find it really tedious if DH showed no interest in a hobby I wanted to start, but then unilaterally booked it for us both the second a man’s name was mentioned. Coming along to a hobby he’s not interested in just to make sure I don’t spend time with a man.

Obviously if you’ve spent the last few months of him talking about it saying “ooh that sounds fun, let’s do it together” then that’s different. But I’m assuming that’s not the case.

I wouldnt be happy about this at all OP.
It sounds as though he prefers her company to yours.
How long has he known this woman and how much time does he spend with her?

I mean, he has a point. He'd already got plans to do it with someone else so it seems a little controlling that you've then gone and booked it.

I guess there is something you feel uncomfortable with about the female friend - what's the context there? As I am assuming you wouldn't have booked it had it been a male friend he was talking about.

I'd be quite pissed off if my husband booked something in this way.

I think you need to provide a lot more detail in this picture.
While on the face of it you may have good reason to feel irked, it’s perhaps just as reasonable for your chap to feel miffed…all depending on timeline details, really.

For example, if you expressed eagerness to begin Ballroom dancing only after he finally mentioned the interested friend, then it could easily be interpreted as .
possessiveness, with you leaping in to bar any possibility of his spending time with her.

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Let's face it this isn't about the hobby, its the female friend aspect. That's the only reason you've booked it now and not months ago. Only you can know if that's a reasonable move and if you have anything to worry about. I'm very unbothered about friendships with opposite sex friends so on the face of it, Id say you've overreacted but it depends on backstory re this woman and your DH.

I’ve been saying that it sounds fun / interesting and he’s kept talking about booking it but as if he was going to go alone, which i thought maybe he just wanted a hobby for himself as his time?

I can see his point to be honest. He's been discussing it with you for ages and you've evidently not shown much enthusiasm for doing it with him but the minute he finds someone else to do it with you jump in and book it? It sounds pretty controlling don't you think?

He talked about it as if he wanted to do it alone so I respected that but now that it’s clearer that he wanted to do it with someone I thought well why not me ! I’d said it sounded fun and thought he would appreciate it but he’s just annoyed also he said he might do it with her but when I said I’d booked it he was saying about letting her down? As if he had maybe already booked with her ?!

What is it ?

If you are useless at it and have no interest in can see why he would want to do it with someone who was into it.

can all 3 of you go?

be honest, if the person he was planning to do it with was male, you would not have muscled in. I would be so pissed off if I were your husband.

I said to him she can still go if she wants to ? He wasn’t happy about that ??

Well yes because she wanted to go with her colleague not as a third wheel to a married couple.

Because now it looks like you are going along to babysit him and presumably she has no interest in playing gooseberry.

If you really wanted to do it you would have said the minute he mentioned it and it would have been booked for you both weeks ago.

Absolutely correct I’m not going to lie. It has annoyed me a lot. I’ve said multiple times it sounds fun and I thought he was just planning to go alone but now that it’s early he wants to go with someone he knows then why not me !

Surely if she has any self respect or morals she would take a step back anyway ? There are plenty of other days / venues she can do the same activity at.

Why? What on earth has it got to do with self respect and morals? Can women not have male friends? What a weird take.

Do you normally have trust issues?

So it's not about doing it with you then is it because you'd be happy for him to go with a male colleague or friend. You're being controlling.

So wanting to do a hobby with a mate from work is somehow lacking respect or morals? Wow. You really need to adjust your attitude because you clearly have trust issues and are insinuating that women can't/musn't have male friends... or is it just her because she's very pretty or vivacious or something?

I agree totally.

What is the hobby? Is it toy trains or naked jelly wrestling? Big difference.

No but if dh said to her that he was now going with me surely she might pick up on the fact it was a slight issue and be ok with the change of plan ?

It’s both - id said how much I thought it sounded good fun, it’s not like I’d told him it sounded awful

She’s not a friend from work she is a female friend he’s known since uni

Does this female friend already do the hobby? So if it were golf, for instance, he knows she plays and would be asking her to go for a round with him? Or would it be both of them trying this hobby from scratch? If so, how does he know it would be ‘her thing’? If she’s told him the same as you, that it would be fun, why would he hear her, but not hear you saying the same thing?

I understand how it could look like you’re muscling in, if you only booked it once he mentioned asking another woman to join him, but his reaction is making me raise an eyebrow.

Well presumably because he wants to spend time with a friend and try a new activity. If you dont trust him and think he's planning an affair thats a separate issue. Imagine if you had made plans with friends (of whatever sex) and he decided that you should only do things with him. Its very jealous and controlling behaviour.

Grow up. This is about your jealousy. You had no interest in doing it until he mentioned going with a colleague. So you went ahead and booked it, muscled your way in because you cannot bear the thoughts of him spending time with another female doing a hobby.

There is a "slight issue"? The issue is you are so jealous that you ruined the experience for both of them.