To have booked this for me and dh?

[CherrysyrupCoffee]

Dh has been saying for ages that he wants to start a particular hobby/activity. He hasn’t made any move to actually start but talks about it a lot.

Recently he had mentioned it to a friend (female) and said to me he might ask her if she wants to do it with him? I said ‘why haven’t you asked me?!’ He said he didn’t think it was my sort of thing despite the fact I’d said it sounded fun.

Anyway I’ve booked it for us both. He isn’t happy! Said how he has to let down his friend I said ‘so ? She can still do it if she really wants to?’ He said I shouldn’t have muscled in ??!!!

I’m with you 100% OP, you are his partner, if he wants to start a new bonding hobby with another person he should go looking for someone else only if you aren’t available/interested.

This may be innocent but in my experience, you start pouring emotional energy outside of your marriage at your own peril.

I like your style in booking it and calling his bluff rather than just complaining about him spending leisure time with another woman.

There’s jealousy and then there’s being controlling.

OP is being controlling, driven by her jealousy which isn’t ok.

_YOU’RE RIGHT _

So she booked it to stop him shagging her? Men and women can do things together without jumping in to bed together

Being needy wont stop cheating, and why do couples have to do everything together it's weird

And if he was planning something shady, why would he have even told her that he asked his friend to join in? He has nothing to hide and OP is being weird.

Not sure what I think except I’m 99.9% sure the hobby is Padel.

It sounds like he's trying to get an hour peace away from you....it's understandable, the jealousy is oozzzing out of you.

A "bonding hobby that he's pouring emotional energy into" ..Jesus fucking christ, bit of a reach!

If it's padel then I'd be grateful to her and just let them get on with it.

Sometimes it’s just nice to have something for yourself and nice to do things on your own or with different people your not joined at the hip

I’m pretty sure I can spend an hour playing tiddlywinks or badminton without pouring undue emotional energy into something outside my marriage.

It' not jealousy at all. Because jealousy is an unreasonable emotion and OP she is definitely not being unreasonable. She is his wife therefore she has every right to expect to be the most important woman in his life. She is very entitled to feel hurt and angry . Being hurt and angry is not at all the same as being jealous.
Why are you and other pp tryng to portray OP as unreasonable when it is her H who is being totally unreasonable by prioritising another woman over OP - his wife and the woman the made vows too.? Don't know what OP is supposed to have done to deserve this pile on.

Sounds like jealousy to me.

I feel for you a bit OP.

As he was talking about it for him and the price for 1 person etc it does seem sneaky of him and the reason not obvious.

I'm not sure booking for the 2 of you was the right call. Have you told him you felt left out?

Well if it were me, I'd understand that you are insecure, paranoid and controlling.

OP you've posted in AIBU so posters won't hold back....try to ignore the character assassinations

Not sure how forcing him to go with you is a positive step? You want to go with him even when he's expressed disappointment at this?!

If the thing is such a fun thing to do , why can't people book to do it several times?
Can't people do things for fun , even if they aren't particularly good at it?

Wow. Women do not need men to bring us down as women are hateful to each other!

Are people reading a different OP? The husband has inferred he wants to do this thing alone to put off the wife. The wife has been positive about it even though she might be a bit hurt - he already does various things without her. But then he talks about going with someone else.

It is almost like he mentioned this hobby repeatedly so things were all out in the open whilst actually engineering a meet up with another women.

I would expect my husband to want to do this new thing with me or when he was talking about it to say straight away there was a friend he was thinking of doing this thing with and not pretending he was doing it alone. He could have said he wanted to do it with someone and given his wife first refusal so to speak. Unless he was setting up a scenario…

Hiding in plain sight me thinks.

But that would only be the case if there was something untoward going on between them. Is there any suggestion of that?

Women can do activities with male friends without compromising their self-respect and morals.

No craic I was thinking.

He’s probably told her what happened.

She hasn’t needed to pick up on anything as he’s probably told her that he’s annoyed at you for booking something that he said he was going to to with his friend.

OPs husband kept bringing this up and she kept saying she would be ok to do it, but instead he invited his girlfriend to go. If this happened to me, I would definitely be miffed by it. While I probably wouldn’t then go and buy the tickets, I would not be happy about the whole thing at all.

This is totally, doggy. He kept mentioning this, yes, but not really inviting his wife. It feels to me that he just wanted her to get used to the idea that he was going after which time he would mention he was going with the girlfriend. Now that his wife booked it, he must be fuming at the lost opportunity to be alone with this woman.

I think it depends on the context of the hobby. If it's something like chess, then there's no reason everyone can't go to that and no-one needs to be excluded.

My personal experience is that I'm a hiker. There is one hike I wanted to do that I feel a bit iffy about. A man, who has done this hike and knows what he is doing, offered to take me up there for the hike. I didn't actually accept but it seemed like a viable good idea for safety reasons. I want to do the hike, there's someone who can help me do it with more safety assurances, he happens to be male. DH was okay with it. Nothing untoward. If I started going regularly with this guy, especially at the expense of time with my DH, then I think he would have the right to question it or want to join in.

Do you allow him to socialise with this good friend from uni? Or are you jealous and insert yourself there too? I wonder if your partner thought this might be the perfect opportunity to get some quality time with an old friend without too much jealousy drama and you ruined it for him. Gym 2/3 times a week and football is not a social life, it’s an exercise regime.

I love my partner but I don’t want to do everything with them! Round my house it’s okay to want to spend time with other people.