.... to not want lunch guests pitching up at 3. Or at least not for actual lunch.

[AlteFrau]

Original arrangement was for late lunch. The guests have a toddler who naps late morning, so I'd imagined they wouldn't turn up before 1. More likely 1.30ish. Maybe 2 at the latest.

We planned something that was easy to heat up, rather than a fiddly meal where timings would need to be exact.

I0 minutes ago we got a text saying, the toddler has only just gone for their nap, so they will turn up about 3.

My discussion with partner was that we'd eat the lunch we prepared now, freeze the stuff that the guests would have eaten, and text back saying, 'Oh you're coming for tea then. There'll be some cake.'

What would you do?

Ask them if they’ve eaten???

Yeah 3pm is mid afternoon, not lunch! I’d be really clear there’s no lunch being prepared now, say that you’re hungry so will eat now and see them later for tea & cake.

so neither of you said an actual time? Not surprising then really.

Did you not tell them a time to come?

One or one thirty would be completely standard Sunday lunch timings here, not ‘late’. Three pm would be well within the orbit of ‘late lunch’. Certainly not afternoon tea time, not on a Sunday I’d agreed on a late lunch.

But YABU for not specifying the time you wanted the guests to arrive.

If you planned something that’s easy to heat up, then why is delaying a couple of hours a problem? Just have a snack now and heat up the lunch when your guests arrive. And next time give them a time, and make it clear that they mustn’t be late, because your spoilt toddler of a husband will go to pieces if he has to wait for his numnums.

I’d wait till 3. It’s not that big a deal is it?

“Typical toddler! Never mind, DH and I will go ahead and eat lunch - you’re welcome to heat some up when you arrive if you haven’t needed to have eaten by then”

Have a snack now and just have a late lunch. Its not the end of the world is it?

Well, the guests still in the 'perfect first baby' stage with a toddler that tends to wake early but nap for an hour at around 11.30. So if we'd said 1, we' d have got into this long, tedious conversation about 'Oh we don't know when toddler will go down for their nap, so it might be 1.30.'

It is my husband's side of the family and he was very keen for there to be a 'proper family meal.' He'd been cooking since 11, so the rhythm of the day was based around the idea that we'd be likely to eat at 1.30 or 2.

A bit of flexibility fine - but I think it's eating too far into the afternoon for lunch esp. at this time of the year, when it's getting dark at 4.

Maybe if it was some really big Christmas lunch thing, where there had been lots of nibbles, snacks etc late morning, but not otherwise.

No chance for walking to the park, playing in the garden etc.

Not the end of the world, but I've been sleeping really badly lately and often fade by mid-afternoon. Not the easiest time for me to exude sociability.

Shall let husband deal with the guests for the most part, I think.

Probably best not to invite them for a meal at all if they're slaves to the toddlers nap time.

I would hope so by 3pm!!
poor planning on their part

I’d eat at whatever time; keep the rest in the fridge and message saying “we’ll have had lunch by then, do you want to come for tea and cake instead” and let them know 3pm is not a “late lunch”

that’s crazy!

This^^

Not sure why you cannot feed them what you've made at 3pm. Just have a sandwich now. You won't starve!

3pm isn't really lunchtime but not sure why your husband is getting all school masterly with them. They're meant to be guests. Don't treat them like errant pupils at finishing school

You just don't do lunch dates with a toddler at that stage. I'd be eating my lunch and suggesting afternoon tea if it was me

What would I do?

I would've told them what time lunch was and what time I'd like them to arrive.

Late lunch? I would say 3pm is a late lunch? We usually eat around 2-.2.30 on a Sunday

Of course 3pm is a late lunch. Normal lunch is 12 to 2pm. 1:30 isn't late in anyone's book except yours!

Also this^^

If you invite someone round all "oh we'll work round your toddler's naps" you cannot really be peeved when they think you are working round their toddler's naps.

Next time say "would you like to come for lunch at 1pm?"

Crikey you sound put upon and inhospitable as inflexible. Havea snack and eat later - freezing her food is rude and churlish

Why would you be expecting them at 1 or 1.30 if the arrangement was for a late lunch? Very strange.

If you’ve invited them for a late lunch, then yes you are being very unreasonable to eat it before they arrive.

Communication failure. We eat lunch at 12, so 2pm is late for us but as you can see, people have different habits. Just eat when suits you and ask if they want the same when they stop by or just some cake. Next time, be more specific

So I agree it's frustrating but I do think 3pm is within the bounds of normality for a "late lunch" on a Sunday if you haven't already agreed timings.

We are certainly not in the perfect first baby stage but our toddler (child 3 of 4) would be an absolute nightmare if we arrived expecting to have a lovely lunch and she hadn't had her nap, or if we arrived somewhere exactly at naptime. I would try and work around her naps just to make the day more pleasant for everyone, not because I'm being rigid and rude. Toddlers are hard work.

You said "the original plan was for a late lunch".

I think a late lunch is somewhere between 2:30 and 4. They are sticking with the original plan. Th idea a late lunch is 1:30 is bonkers.

Or seeing as the OP actually issued an invitation to ‘late lunch’ without specifying a time, and said they would work around the toddler’s nap, the hosts suck it up for once, have a snack and eat with their guests, rather than saying ‘Oh, you’re too late for lunch, have a piece of cake’?

But it’s not the guests who are being rigid and rude here!