.... to not want lunch guests pitching up at 3. Or at least not for actual lunch.

[AlteFrau]

Original arrangement was for late lunch. The guests have a toddler who naps late morning, so I'd imagined they wouldn't turn up before 1. More likely 1.30ish. Maybe 2 at the latest.

We planned something that was easy to heat up, rather than a fiddly meal where timings would need to be exact.

I0 minutes ago we got a text saying, the toddler has only just gone for their nap, so they will turn up about 3.

My discussion with partner was that we'd eat the lunch we prepared now, freeze the stuff that the guests would have eaten, and text back saying, 'Oh you're coming for tea then. There'll be some cake.'

What would you do?

“It is my husband's side of the family”

It would have been much quicker for you to just say in your OP “I don’t like my sister in law, AIBU?”

This is the problem with giving timings based on meals. I'd say late lunch and mean 3pm, so I'd say the time so it's clear.

If you can heat up the lunch what is the problem? Unless you don't like them and don't want them to come at all.

We’re on our way to lunch with family now - I certainly don’t consider it a late lunch. A late lunch in my book is 3/4pm but I also think that’s a very normal time to have Sunday lunch.

I wouldn’t have ‘imagined’ a time they’d arrive I would have told them a time. It’s incredibly rude to leave hosts waiting when they’re expecting you for lunch all for the sake of a toddlers nap but the fact no time was agreed probably makes them think it’s ok to be flexible. I would have a snack now and feed the original lunch when they arrive

Why not just admit you don't like them and don't want them to come? If they had come at 1pm you'd have said you agreed a late lunch and now have to entertain them all afternoon!

Or probably best not to invite people at all if you have such rigid ideas about what time a ‘late lunch’ might mean.

My discussion with partner was that we'd eat the lunch we prepared now, freeze the stuff that the guests would have eaten, and text back saying, 'Oh you're coming for tea then. There'll be some cake.'

Actually reading this back.

It's breathtakingly rude and passive aggressive.

Was there no communication about arrival time in advance? That seems like an obvious thing to do, especially if you feel strongly about when you eat.

Personally I think 3pm is a great time for a sociable weekend lunch. But even if I'd planned in my head to eat at 1.30-2, waiting an extra hour might be a little annoying, but not really that hard to do? Have a snack if you're hungry. If you find yourself fading you can excuse yourself.

text back saying, 'Oh you're coming for tea then. There'll be some cake.'

Oh and absolutely do not do this.

You are being staggeringly Inflexible and uptight imo!
3pm is exactly when I would think a late lunch would be, I’d call lunch any time inbetween 12-2.
If it can be reheated why not just have a snack now and wait for them?
Or if you can’t wait, eat what you prepared and instead of freezing the leftovers, just reheat them for them when they do arrive.
you and your dh sound really petty and like you’re trying to punish them for turning up at a time which seems to cover the loose arrangement anyway.

If someone said late lunch to me I'd be thinking no earlier that 2pm and that 3pm would be about right. 12-2 pm is just usual lunch time, not a late one.

Pick up the phone.

I think 3pm is startlingly late but as you didn’t have a specific time and weren’t clear, that’s on you. Clearly people have very different ideas about meal times which is fine - that’s why we invite at specific times when having people round.

3 isn’t late lunch it’s early tea

What time is late lunch? I’d say lunch is 12 till 2.

Bit odd to say this considering people have tea at all different times.

Some don't have it until 7 or 8pm.

This is the correct answer.

Can't grown adults manage their own eating in their own house and be a bit flexible? Eat something small now if you're hungry and eat at 3 with your guests.

It always astounds me on Mumsnet when people have to eat when the clock decides.

Late lunch to me would be anywhere between 2-4. And if my hosts didnt specify a time but just said 'late lunch' i'd assume they were pretty relaxed about arrival time. Sorry OP but this is on you I think.

Yes, it's late for a lunch, but sounds like you didn't even specify a time?!
So YABU. If it's easy to heat up like you say, then do that.
Daft to hand wave vaguely about a "whenever" time and then huff that it's too late!
Be specific in future.

I’m with you on this one. 1:30pm is not late so if I was offered a late lunch I’d assume we’d be eating at 2:30-3:30ish

I think maybe next time meet for a morning walk /lunch out? 1pm is late for tots .I think it would be rude to freeze their food TBH .Have some cheese and crackers now ,and have the food around late afternoon . You have to a little bit flexible with little ones really.

Late lunch means around 3pm to me. Lunch is usually between 1-2pm.

Dinner would be 7-8pm.

If you are that bothered about the exact time you want to eat then say "around one-ish" rather than phrases that are more open to interpretation.

So obvious, this point. Totally.

in that case and assuming that you knew the setup before you invited, I wouldn't have agreed lunch at all! If your husband organised it then yes let him deal with it and get annoyed about the overcooked lunch!

I would have given them a window i.e. between 1.30 and 2 so everyone knew where they stood.