.... to not want lunch guests pitching up at 3. Or at least not for actual lunch.

[AlteFrau]

Original arrangement was for late lunch. The guests have a toddler who naps late morning, so I'd imagined they wouldn't turn up before 1. More likely 1.30ish. Maybe 2 at the latest.

We planned something that was easy to heat up, rather than a fiddly meal where timings would need to be exact.

I0 minutes ago we got a text saying, the toddler has only just gone for their nap, so they will turn up about 3.

My discussion with partner was that we'd eat the lunch we prepared now, freeze the stuff that the guests would have eaten, and text back saying, 'Oh you're coming for tea then. There'll be some cake.'

What would you do?

I think late lunch leaves it quite open to interpretation. I’d consider late lunch between 2-4 especially on a Sunday where things can be slower and lunch / dinner can roll
into one meal for example like a roast

Have a piece of toast or a bowl of cereal to keep you going.

Please don't bother replying with details of the "special" metabolism that you have that precludes eating snacks/eating after 2pm.

If you don't have access to any toast or cereal then find something else.

This is why with big family get togethers, I do a buffet. people can come and go and eat what they want, when they want.

Yes, that's a good response. However a lot of people will use nap time for travel, so they put him down for nap intentionally indoors as opposed to in car ir buggy. I could never get a daytime nap out of mine unless he was on the move. These days naps are encouraged more than 35years ago!

Yep this.

I take it you don’t have kids.

And they’re supposed to know you’ve been sleep badly and start to fade mid -afternoon how?

You honestly don’t sound like you wanted them to come.

I hope your husband was a better host.

I’ve posted before about friends who made everyone beholden to a child’s nap time. Said they’d be there for lunch at 2pm and didn’t show up until 3.30. Everyone else waited. Some of our food was overcooked or cold because of them. They arrived and refused any food because they’d already eaten.
I stopped inviting them.

I am in the "should have specified a time" camp.

One person's freedom fighter is another person's terrorist. Their understanding of "late lunch" differs from yours but without a definite plan in place, neither is wrong or unreasonable.

Not the end of the world, but I've been sleeping really badly lately and often fade by mid-afternoon. Not the easiest time for me to exude sociability.

OP is grouchy and anti social because she didn’t get enough sleep but would expect more from a toddler.

If you arranged for late lunch and didnt agree a specific time then 3pm is exactly that, if you are annoyed then thats on you for not agreeing with your guests what time you'd be serving lunch 🤷‍♀️

Is it like a sunday lunch ? Because 3 pm is a completely reasonable time for sunday lunch so if it was all a bit vague I can see why they think that isn't unreasonable.

This! And if you start to flag in the afternoon, why invite people for lunch? Presumably they’d have stuck around for a bit of socialising after. Or Was it literally lunch at 1.30 leave by 2.30?

Well it is surprising that anyone would think 3pm is lunchtime!

I genuinely don't understand your problem. You were going to reheat the food anyway, and to me 2-3 is late lunch time. Don't see why you couldn't serve the food whatever time they turned up.

You're clearly put out and wanting to punish your guests for not sticking to your imaginary and not-shared with them timescales

I’d think 3pm was ‘late lunch’ time, which is what the OP told them. Well I actually grew up in Spain so it would be bang in the middle of lunchtime for me (usually 2-4pm), but now I’m in England it would be very much ‘late lunch’.

Exactly this! Sometimes people expect more from toddlers than from themselves/other adults.

I don't think 3pm is unreasonable, as they had specified a "late lunch".

I know - so rude of OP. Very churlish to say you are too late for the LATE lunch - when we didn’t specify the time. They will end up with a detention!

Is it?

The majority of this thread think 3pm falls into the “late lunch” bracket.

I think the issue is partly with my husband who wishes to placate his relative who was a notoriously bad timekeeper even before they became a parent. Requests to come for a particular time never worked. There would be a vague resentment about being pinned down. They'd turn up significantly later or there'd be a series of messages about a change of plan.

But my husband also really really wanted a sitdown family lunch. In his wider family, this always used to be around 1 - not mid-afternoon - and there are a lot of happy memories of cross-generational meals.

I think over the last few decades there has been a shift towards everything being much more informal - microwaves make it easier to heat something up. But I think something has been lost

My husband is older and he is prediabetic. Obviously he can keep himself going with snacks. He is disappointed because he would so much like his relative - who is of a younger generation - to be better at juggling different needs.

A toddler is a priority, but it is useful to be able to think about others too, and try and balance things.

I feel a bit sad for my husband because what is happening is so different from what is in his head. A bit like the woman who has planned the perfect Xmas and then there are hitches.

Relative has just messaged to say they are on the way. It is going to be afteroon tea.

We will probably stick to more casual teas, coffee etc for the time being. As Mumsnet sometimes likes to say, 'Our house. Our rules.'

1.30 / 2pm are lunchtime. 3pm is late lunch, I think that’s fine? Where I live, it would be.

I think OPs response is rude when a time wasn’t agreed! Fair enough if they’d agreed 1-2 ish.

i wouldn’t mind delaying until 3 especially as it’s an easy heat up. I’d probably need a snack to keep me going though. But I do get annoyed with parents who think everything should revolve around their preferences and time scales. That’s why agreed times are best.

Can you not see that it is unreasonable to expect DH’s relatives to meet his expectations when they haven’t been properly communicated? This sounds like he has a vision in his head and you didn’t manage anyone’s expectations. It also sounds like a lot of “in my day” when actually if you want to spend time with younger relatives you probably need to accept that things aren’t done the same and other families have their own priorities.

And it’s still unreasonable to expect them to work to his schedule when he/you won’t do the same for their child.