.... to not want lunch guests pitching up at 3. Or at least not for actual lunch.

[AlteFrau]

Original arrangement was for late lunch. The guests have a toddler who naps late morning, so I'd imagined they wouldn't turn up before 1. More likely 1.30ish. Maybe 2 at the latest.

We planned something that was easy to heat up, rather than a fiddly meal where timings would need to be exact.

I0 minutes ago we got a text saying, the toddler has only just gone for their nap, so they will turn up about 3.

My discussion with partner was that we'd eat the lunch we prepared now, freeze the stuff that the guests would have eaten, and text back saying, 'Oh you're coming for tea then. There'll be some cake.'

What would you do?

Why wasn't there more communication? Why didn't you or your husband agree with your guests that they would let you know when the baby gives down for his nap and that you arrange the cooking of the meal around that? . So If the meal takes a couple of hours to cook why not wait until 1om to cook it when sister in law sent the message?
I'd call 3pm a late lunch. It's very rude to freeze their portion of the meal and offer then a piece of cake instead!

I would just eat a snack & wait for them to arrive. And even if I had lunch, I would not put the guests' portion in the freezer. I would heat it up for them when they arrived, and I would just have a coffee or something while they are eating.

We had friends like this when we had children the same age and who had a pre-noon lunch enforced. It was irritating they could NEVER move the time to - wait for it - 12.30 for example, but we just made other arrangements, it's not that hard.

You asked them to come at normal lunch time, eg 1.30, which is tricky with the toddler’s nap.

The arrangement made was for a ‘late lunch’. I think the earlier timing was possibly only in OP’s head and not communicated to her guests.

yeah can’t work around the toddler but have to work around adults who can’t wait an extra hour to eat?

You are a grown up, you said that you had made an easy heat up meal. Just have a snack now if you think you are dying of starvation. Feed your guests in a pleasant manner and stop being such a drama queen.

The adults don't have to eat at the same time as the toddlers do they, toddlers could be napping or playing while the adults eat.

Early lunch is midday
Regular lunch maybe 12.30 - 1.30pm
Late lunch 1.30 - 3pm

I've only just had breakfast! Ahem....

late lunch would be about 3 in my opinion. 1.30/2 is normal Sunday lunch time

If the arrangement was for "late lunch" on a Sunday then yes, I would have been expecting them around 3pm.

"Normal lunch" for a Sunday would be say 1pm to 2.30ish? Late lunch any time after that. Tips into "tea" territory at 5pm.

But all that is by the by- YABU for making assumptions and not naming an actual time.

I’d just feed them the food I’d bought for that purpose at 3pm.

I agree. I expect the guests think a late lunch is mid afternoon. That’s what I would think. I expect they just used the words late lunch but no one actually confirmed a time.

It's up to you....
Choices :1. Say OK and have the meal later. 2. Say OK ,we will have eaten lunch by then ,we can either save you some or come for tea and cake? 3. Sorry you cant make lunch ,let rearrange for another time.

Its not precious first born to want your toddler to get a decent nap. "Late lunch" is vague, next time give a time frame. I think they fact they text you and let you know their ETA is decent, some couples wouldnt bother and would leave their hosts hanging around half the day! I hope you have waited for them to eat!

Jesus you’re a misery aren’t you. Yes it’s annoying but do you not remember the nightmares of toddler nap times? Or is it actually that you don’t like them and their “perfect first baby“ who by sounds of it is your nephew or niece. Why they’d want to come and spend their weekend with you who knows. Just say we’re going to eat as we’re starving but will save you some no big deal.

I think the toddler nap delay is a red herring. The couple aren't late because they didn't know they had a designated time.

Its baffling to me to invite someone to lunch but not arrange a time with them. Out loud. And then get pissed when they decided to arrive after the time I'd only decided in my own head.

A normal lunch would be 1-2ish in my eyes, perhaps later. So why say a late lunch and expect them at 1.30?

3 is a late lunch and they’ve notified you they may be running late. So I would be fine with this.

It sounds like a Victorian Duchess' response!

Also why are you planning on eating a ‘late lunch’ at 1pm. This is crazy.

I generally like the people I invite over. I would have a quick snack now and look forward to seeing them at 3 for a late lunch

3pm is a late lunch. Try and show a bit more patience if you didn’t agree a specific time.

If I couldn't wait till 3 I'd eat first then heat up the guests' portions when they arrive. 3pm isn't normal lunchtime, but it fits into 'late' lunch.

I’d adjust the meal for 3pm and remember next time to fix a time or provide afternoon tea.

3pm is fine for a late lunch. 1pm is just lunch not late lunch. If you needed precision about timings, you should have suggested some 🤷‍♀️

Normal lunchtime for me is 12.30 to 1, but it's later on the weekend so a 3pm Sunday lunch isn't particularly late.