.... to not want lunch guests pitching up at 3. Or at least not for actual lunch.

[AlteFrau]

Original arrangement was for late lunch. The guests have a toddler who naps late morning, so I'd imagined they wouldn't turn up before 1. More likely 1.30ish. Maybe 2 at the latest.

We planned something that was easy to heat up, rather than a fiddly meal where timings would need to be exact.

I0 minutes ago we got a text saying, the toddler has only just gone for their nap, so they will turn up about 3.

My discussion with partner was that we'd eat the lunch we prepared now, freeze the stuff that the guests would have eaten, and text back saying, 'Oh you're coming for tea then. There'll be some cake.'

What would you do?

I mean if you are opposed to being at all flexible.

This arrangement sounded designed to fail.

Except that’s a completely standard Sunday lunch time, not a ‘late lunch and we’ll work around your small child’s nap’ time.

I think you’re a bit U, I’m afraid.

A lot of people eat a Sunday roast at 3, I’d have said it was a more common time to eat a roast than 1.

I think a late lunch is from about 2.30/3 to about 4 - anything earlier is just lunch.

I really think that if you were that welded to eating at a standard lunch time like 1/1.30 or 2, you should have clarified with them exactly what time they meant.

You would be very rude to declare 3 pm to be time to just have tea and cake. They have a a toddler, and could do with a bit of kindness and being properly fed by someone else - they’re probably looking forward to a meal someone else has cooked for once and just a bit of kindness from family.

Saying they can’t now have lunch is just mean.

Having to work around a toddler’s nap is not being PFB!

it would be incredibly rude to freeze the food you made for them and basically tell them to do one if they couldn’t get there at a time of your choosing.

Yes, it seems fairly clear the ‘We’ve frozen the lunch you would have had, and here is cake instead because it’s tea time’ thing is designed to be performatively huffy.

Also the bit about “the rhythm of the day” is ridiculous. Or in other words, what you wanted the day to be.

It’s not “the rhythm” of their day.

I don’t know that days have a rhythm tbh!

Absolutely!

because your spoilt toddler of a husband will go to pieces if he has to wait for his numnums.

Goodness, where did that come from?? I saw nothing to indicate any temper tantrums or hangriness from the husband. Honestly, this place sometimes!

Op, you'll have to accept they have a small child whose needs they put first, which puts you on the back foot in terms of timings and plans. Be flexible. If they can only make it at 3pm, ask if they've eaten, and if not, throw together a few sandwiches and cakes. It might seem rude of them, but you didn't agree a time, either.

On a Sunday 3pm is when we'd have people arrive for Sunday Lunch - then probably eat about 4pm. So that would work for us. But we'd only eat once though that day, so not again in the evening. Think it probably depends what you were planning on serving. Agree this is a communication failure though!

You sound more inflexible than your guests. I’d give parents of small children a bit of leeway.

If their toddler didn't nap until nearly 1 then I'm assuming the toddler had lunch before doing so.

I would just message back and say we have XX to heat up for a meal and will they still want it at 3? If not then eat yours now. If yes then have a sandwich now and eat with them at 3 later.

I think avoid 'lunch' dates altogether next time as your schedules just don't match. Or communicate in more detail from the outset (lesson learned).

FWIW, rightly or wrongly I would find this irritating. Lunch to me is 12-2. So a late lunch is towards the end of that slot. Anything after that would have to be clearly defined from the outset. 3pm for me isn't lunch or tea....it's just a random time in the middle of the afternoon when a meal shouldn't be served! If I was having a full meal at 3 I'd have to eat half a lunch at 12.30 and half a tea at about 6.30 to accommodate it! But clearly people see things differently.

If you invited them for late lunch, 3pm is what I'd expect.

1:30 is lunchtime on Sunday, so a late lunch would be after that.

I wouldn't want lunch guest arriving at 3pm either, but I'd have told then 1:30pm at the point of inviting them. If they said they can't make it until 3pm, I'd offer them tea and cake at some point in the afternoon, but not lunch.

I would just eat the meal when they arrive tbh - I wouldn't have a problem with this at all. Do you not like them very much?

I guarantee it's a SIL 🤣

It's giving off these vibes, isn't it?

I think it’s a step daughter

1.30pm is a standard lunch time, not a late lunch OP. I’m not sure how you can have specifically organised a late lunch and still have expected them from 1pm tbh.

Eating round a child's naps and mealtimes is very irritating for everyone! We stopped meeting friends for lunch when it had to be at 11.30 as the kids ate then. Easier to do something else.

You sound such a joy to visit.

It's clearly important to your husband to make sure your guests are well fed. Just have piece of fruit, or a slice of toast a nap, and stop being such a grouch.

You sound like the toddler in this situation.

the guests still in the 'perfect first baby' stage

You really loathe them don’t you. Blimey.

I wouldn’t expect an arrival of 1 or 1:30 for a “late lunch” to be honest. Next time agree a set time.

I think the guests are being rude. If I was expected for a late lunch, I would not have put my child down for a nap so late. Toddlers don't make the rules.

This. 3pm is late lunch. You asked them to come at normal lunch time, eg 1.30, which is tricky with the toddler’s nap.
The toddler won’t always be a toddler, and won’t always nap, it’s not outrageous to work around small kids’ naps for a few years.

3pm is a normal late lunch especially on a Sunday when you’d have a Sunday roast mid afternoon.

I had friends like this. Only problem, we had also a toddler who needed structured mealtimes to avoid hangryness. DD did naps like clockwork until she was 3. So lunch had to be over by 1pm.

After one disastrous lunch where they came late and had a late breakfast while we were starving and DD on a meltdown we only met for mid-morning coffees or afternoon coffee and cake when the toddlers were all awake again and 1/2 hour delay didn't matter.

Ask if they will have eaten, if not wait for them. If you are starving have a snack before they arrive. We tend to late breakfast and skip lunch, or just have a snack and then eat dinner early (although not that early) on a Sunday.